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ok, that does put a whole new spin on the question.
so, tell me, never mind what HE thinks, do YOU think you are being childish and clingy ?
Right now, yes. But strictly with him. Long story, lotsa details. Basically he treated me like he was parenting me and at one point i gave up and started actually letting him do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon
It would make me not want to continue the marriage with her if counseling didn't help. I would also fully explore the possibility that some form of mental illness was the reason for the change. In that case we'd have to seek help. I truly believe that in a marriage one should leave no stone unturned to make it work. At the very least, then you can walk away and forever after, honestly say, "No regrets!" regarding your commitment.
1) You are not stuck unless you choose to be.
2) You're staying with him why? Clearly he judges you "unworthy" and "lacking." He doesn't value you.
I'm not stuck with him as in i can't leave, i'm stuck as in 'in a rut' with him. Sorry for the bad choice of words. I thought about nr. 2 lotsa times. You might be right he may not value me...although sometimes he acts like he does. I'm staying because we met as kids, grew up together and are family for eachother. Because i love him, because he is what i'm looking for in a man...and lots of other reasons.
When it comes to sex however, he's not interested. Partially because he claims he doesn't really like sex all that much, partially because he claims that he sees me as childish and clingy and he can't be attracted to me unless i behave in a mature way. I'm now wondering if this is the only excuse he can come up with (lie or even if he really believes it). I know that my childish vulnerable behaviour actually came from him not treating me as a woman and mature (and me not getting confirmation anywhere else). I can very well with patience rise up from this and return to my old behaviour (mature and responsible) since i need to do this anyway, not for him. But basically I was wondering if any other male went through this with a gf or wife. That's about it.
So...what you're saying is that you are behaving in a childish clingy manner but it's not your true self?
But you really are mature and responsible?
And you want to know if he's playing head games with you?
He told you he doesn't like the childish clingy behavior. It's not a turn on for him.
So now you have a choice....quit playing head games with him, be your "normal" self and see what happens. DUH..
Or continue to play at the childish clingy behavior (which I detest btw) and be out on your can.
Immature and childish manners are such a turn-off. And I would also refuse to have sex with you if you behaved like that. I would even go the full length and call it a day. How any man can tolerate clingy immature girls is beyond me.
in that case, he has to shoulder at least part of the blame.
if you genuinely feel you are acting like that, then you have the power to change it.
however, i would suggest you guys might need to have a good, honest talk, so you can bare your souls, and find out where to go from here.
you may need to say things the other does not want to hear.
it sounds like a classic relationship power struggle, the best way to break the impasse is for both sides to declare a truce and open negotiations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafinez
Right now, yes. Basically he treated me like he was parenting me and at one point i gave up and started actually letting him do it.
I've always been very curious and analytical by nature, hence i need to ask another question. I don't mind if women answer this too (but i already sorta know that most women get turned off sexually by men who act immature and don't take on any of the responsabilities in a couple).
What i meant to ask is how much of a turn off (sexually) is this for men? Say you had a woman who you see as being childish, clingy, insecure, vulnerable and not very interested in sharing the responsabilities of life (paying bills, keeping track of what you need around the house etc..). Would that make you not want to have sex with her anymore?
No, I would be pretty turned off by her behavior. I'd get annoyed more than anything, can't stand that kind of behavior at all.
As for some unwarranted advice: I'm like you, I'm very over-analytical by nature. I try to figure out everything. One thing you need to learn how to do is stop trying to apply logic to love/dating/relationships because it doesn't work. It doesn't apply to the rules of physics, you can't figure it out. You just have to go with it. You'll spare yourself a lot of headaches.
OK. maybe i should explain this better. I am stuck with a guy that claims he loves me (and shows me he loves me, both by actions and behaviour), who rationally finds me attractive. My appearance is not an issue, him and most other men find me attractive. He stops to stare and tells me how beautiful and hot i am frequently(i studied how he behaves and he seems to really mean it), spanks me around the house and other such stuff.
When it comes to sex however, he's not interested. Partially because he claims he doesn't really like sex all that much, partially because he claims that he sees me as childish and clingy and he can't be attracted to me unless i behave in a mature way. I'm now wondering if this is the only excuse he can come up with (lie or even if he really believes it). I know that my childish vulnerable behaviour actually came from him not treating me as a woman and mature (and me not getting confirmation anywhere else). I can very well with patience rise up from this and return to my old behaviour (mature and responsible) since i need to do this anyway, not for him. But basically I was wondering if any other male went through this with a gf or wife. That's about it.
He treats you like a child to the point of spanking you, but he doesn't like it when you behave childishly? I think you both have some issues to work on.
I've always been very curious and analytical by nature, hence i need to ask another question. I don't mind if women answer this too (but i already sorta know that most women get turned off sexually by men who act immature and don't take on any of the responsabilities in a couple).
What i meant to ask is how much of a turn off (sexually) is this for men? Say you had a woman who you see as being childish, clingy, insecure, vulnerable and not very interested in sharing the responsabilities of life (paying bills, keeping track of what you need around the house etc..). Would that make you not want to have sex with her anymore?
OK. maybe i should explain this better. I am stuck with a guy that claims he loves me (and shows me he loves me, both by actions and behaviour), who rationally finds me attractive. My appearance is not an issue, him and most other men find me attractive. He stops to stare and tells me how beautiful and hot i am frequently(i studied how he behaves and he seems to really mean it), spanks me around the house and other such stuff.
When it comes to sex however, he's not interested. Partially because he claims he doesn't really like sex all that much, partially because he claims that he sees me as childish and clingy and he can't be attracted to me unless i behave in a mature way. I'm now wondering if this is the only excuse he can come up with (lie or even if he really believes it). I know that my childish vulnerable behaviour actually came from him not treating me as a woman and mature (and me not getting confirmation anywhere else). I can very well with patience rise up from this and return to my old behaviour (mature and responsible) since i need to do this anyway, not for him. But basically I was wondering if any other male went through this with a gf or wife. That's about it.
He can't be lying or making excuses if you are acknowldging that he is right. If your childish behavior came from him and not getting confirmation from anywhere else, you are not accepting any responsibility for it. I get how some abusers can break you down into believing you are less than worthy, but to become the childish immature person he accuses you of being makes no sense to me. How a person handles adversity is what reveals their true character. If you can choose to become childish and immature, you can choose to "go back" to being mature, if that is what you truly are and especially if it is interfering with your sex life. You wouldn't remain in that state if it didn't come easily to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
He treats you like a child to the point of spanking you, but he doesn't like it when you behave childishly? I think you both have some issues to work on.
I think she meant he chases her around the house and slaps her bottom to show how sexy she is.
Clingy, childish, immature and irresponsible are annoying no matter who it is or what type of relationship (family, friends, spouse, gf/bf, co-worker).
Perhaps whatever he did lent a helping hand to you becoming this type of person but you...and you alone...are responsible for who you've become. Why on earth would you not work to become a stronger, more responsible person? I don't get it. Just don't get it.
I don't mean to sound cruel but I'm going to be blunt - get a grip. If you're not mature enough to handle your own self and who/what you become, you surely aren't cut out to be in a long-term relationship. Work on yourself first and then give it a try.
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