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Based on what you've heard, I would proceed with caution. Speak to your fiancee about these incidents, as well as her other relatives and her friends. Listen carefully when they tell stories about her that make you uncomfortable.
How has she dealt with you or with others when she's upset? Is she ever intentionally cruel to others? Listen carefully when she talks about how she deals with people she doesn't like or stressful situations.
Although she may be putting on a good front, in two years' time, I think the "real" her probably slips out occasionally. Just be watchful and keep your ears open. Don't excuse any worrisome behavior as "just one of those things." People rarely change. If she behaved that way before, whatever prompted the behavior is probably still there. She may be able to keep anti-social behaviors to a minimum when everything is going well, or to achieve a goal, i.e., marrying you . However, under stress (and marriage is full of them), you may see a side of her that you'd wish you didn't know.
If you continue to feel uncomfortable, I would postpone the wedding. This is too big a step for you to take without feeling 100% sure that you're doing the right thing.
If this was a man, all the women would tell the OP to stay away from him, and run as fast as she can. This is no different. This poor lad will end 6 feet under if he goes through with this marriage.
I mean, I've done some bad things as a youngster, but never ever threatened someone that I'll slice their throat. Jesus.
What if she did do it and says she was messed up when she was kid, but is better now. What then?
This is what I been thinking about all day. I think some part of me would say she was only a kid while there would be this debating part saying kids normally don't do those behaviors and if carry to adulthood, they can be classified as a danger to society, which is what I'm concern.
If this was a man, all the women would tell the OP to stay away from him, and run as fast as she can. This is no different. This poor lad will end 6 feet under if he goes through with this marriage.
I mean, I've done some bad things as a youngster, but never ever threatened someone that I'll slice their throat. Jesus.
I used to threaten to kill my brother all the time.
I don't know which is why I'm having a talk with my fiancee about this. It's sick that someone esp. one's own family member would lie about something like this? What for?
Now that tough part would be what if after telling my fiancee all the details, she tells me it's all true, what would anyone do there?
IF there is even a kernel of truth to this story give your fiancee a chance to explain her side of it. This could all be a figment the aunts imagination, or your girl could have had some issues she had to work to overcome and has now put that behind her - who knows??
Get her side and follow your gut instincts. Have there been ANY red flags in your time with her to suggest she has anger management issues??
But how do we even know the aunt told the truth??? She could be nuts or have her own agenda to sow discord.
Right, I addressed this in a previous post.
I'm simply saying that one visit and discussion with a professional can give him better direction about how to assess or discuss the situation with his fiancee. How to better gather and answer these questions he has before rushing to judgement either way. I feel a professional in this instance can be of beneficial use to better examine and explain the child-adult behaviors and these second party stories - it certainly can't hurt and may get better advice than most of us here can give.
It's a pretty simple step to do before making a serious judgement and decision about marriage.
maybe, but i think she deserves to put her side of the story over something which happened years ago.
after that, it's the OP's choice, if he doesn't trust her, end it.
if she'd threatened to kill her ex, or had RECENTLY tried to burn birds, or gone auntie tipping, i'd be suggesting red flags.
but we can't base a character on something which happened when we were a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorrans
If this was a man, all the women would tell the OP to stay away from him, and run as fast as she can. This is no different. This poor lad will end 6 feet under if he goes through with this marriage.
I mean, I've done some bad things as a youngster, but never ever threatened someone that I'll slice their throat. Jesus.
maybe, but i think she deserves to put her side of the story over something which happened years ago.
after that, it's the OP's choice, if he doesn't trust her, end it.
if she'd threatened to kill her ex, or had RECENTLY tried to burn birds, or gone auntie tipping, i'd be suggesting red flags.
but we can't base a character on something which happened when we were a child.
My point too (unless the child was torturing or killing small animals - pretty much a sign of a troubled child).
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(unless the child was torturing or killing small animals - pretty much a sign of a troubled child).
