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Maybe you could consider narrowing your letter down quite-a-bit there dude.
Although that is an excellent way for you to let out your true feelings, I would not recomend sending her this mess!
I would let it rest for a few days....send her something simple, to the point, and then leave the ball in her court. Do not contact, call, text, email, or IM in the meantime!
TOOO LONG buddy!!! You have to shorten it !! Give her space. Give her room to breathe!!! I think you kind of blew it and then it becomes a turnoff. If she comes back to you it was meant to be..If she doesn't ---then move on!! Controlling is a huge turnoff! You don't own her!!
Ryan... Just remember, any woman that would be swayed by the "I'm broken and I need you to fix me" argument would not be someone you would ultimately be in a happy, healthy relationship with. There are women out there that fall into the saviour pattern but that sort of co-dependency will never lead to a fulfilling relationship for either person, so next time around, DON'T GO THERE. Many people have gone through hellatious childhoods, abuse, etc..but that sort of information so soon will send a psychologically healthy person running. Good luck. You are def. not hopeless...I think therapy would benefit you greatly. Good luck. One day you will look back on this and see that you were young and stupid and only thought you were in love...it happens to the best of us.
Thanks again, to everyone who contributed, for the thoughtful responses. Several of them have really hit home and had me thinking about this matter in a completely new light. More importantly, I've been forced by the sheer number of more-or-less unanimous opinions here to really consider my own emotional health, which is a good thing.
For the record: No, I have not EVER been abusive to a girl. I have never been physically aggressive or threatening; in fact, I have never even aggressively yelled at a girl. I've been in my fair share of relationships, too. I just simply do not behave that way with women.
Also, my insecurity is something that "Megan" and I had discussed. (Megan is not her real name, obviously, but Ryan is mine). I purposely explained to her early on that I was like a "special needs" person in some key senses. I told her that I needed a lot of reassurance and that I probably could not be the confident, self-assured type, but that what I did have to offer was a very real devotion and some really special feelings for her. Specifically, I told her that I'd never before felt for any woman what I did for her, which was true. I also told her that, if she wanted to discontinue the relationship because of these things, I would totally understand.
Incidentally, her response was one of the things that just completely sealed my affection for her. She said, almost verbatim, "I think I see that about you, but I think I feel the same way you do: I walk around work all day, smiling - thinking about you. And I don't want you feeling insecure or afraid. If you feel like you need to end things, I understand, but I don't want to."
For some reason, though, I was having a really hard time trusting her. I'm not going to mention the specifics on here, but I had seen some things in her, and heard some things from her, that seemed like red flags. I also experienced some things with her that made me wonder. It's not that she was overtly suggestive or untrustworthy or anything; on the contrary, there just seemed to be subtle hints that she wasn't as virtuous a person as I had thought when I first met her, and it was enough for me to have considered, at several points along our short, one-month relationship, ending things.
So yeah, it wasn't all flawless and perfect. I guess I just felt like it was still totally fixable, despite the initial weirdness. But, after reading these 80-some-odd responses, it sounds like I'm dead wrong. In any case, I deleted her phone number from my phone today, so I don't have it any more. And I definitely am going to move on and forget this whole thing. I'm also seeking some counseling, because I really don't want to go through something so painful again.
I guess all you can do if you're me is learn from this and not do it again.
Ryan, your response to the replies makes you sound a lot more mature than did your initial post. If you can get help and get your act together, some woman will get a heckuva guy in you someday. I truly wish you well.
For the record: No, I have not EVER been abusive to a girl. I have never been physically aggressive or threatening; in fact, I have never even aggressively yelled at a girl. I've been in my fair share of relationships, too. I just simply do not behave that way with women.
I guess all you can do if you're me is learn from this and not do it again.
-Ryan
It's important to recognize that freaking out on your ex was an abusive action because it was emotionally abusive.
Demanding her attention was bullying and your tantrum was punitive and manipulative. You don't want to explain away that behavior.
I think you are on the right track otherwise! Therapy is going to take years of work. Don't expect a quick and fairly painless fix. You will have to face your fears and relive some of the pain to learn how to hold the people in your past accountable instead of expecting the women in your present to be responsible for those people's abuses. You'll have to learn how to trust and judge people the right way. That includes trusting that giving your heart to someone else won't end up the way it did in your childhood. It also includes learning how to judge yourself BEFORE you do something rash.
You didn't ask for a guy's comment, but you're going to get one.
Reading this was embarrassing for me. This essay (letter) you wrote screams "NEEDY". I agree with an earlier poster who said your intoxication showed the inner you. She was smart.
Get over it and move on.
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Give her space. Give her room to breathe!!! I think you kind of blew it and then it becomes a turnoff. If she comes back to you it was meant to be..If she doesn't ---then move on!! Controlling is a huge turnoff! You don't own her!!
