Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm concerned about someone very close to me who is involved w/a very controlling person. Things always have to be his way. If they don't go his way, he shuts down. He always has to be the center of attn as well. He seems to be really insecure, b/c he always has to prove himself, even in the smallest way.
I ask this ques b/c fortunately, i have not been involved in an abusive relationship, so i'm not sure if these are truly red flags or me just being hyper-sensitive.
He's a nice guy, very attentive, there's just something about him that i'm not sure about. I get this feeling about him.
If anyone who has experience in this can help me out, I would truly appreciate it. What are the real red flags i should be looking for to see if this guy can turn into an abusive person?
First thing that comes to my mind, is he "short tempered?"
It sounds like "its his way, or no way."
If she constantly has to watch what she says, or does, in order to not make him mad, because things are not going his way, then, to me, this is no way to live. This is mental abuse, and yes, I think there is very good potential to lead to abusive behaviour.
He hasn't displayed any fits of rage, and she doesn't feel like she has to walk on eggshells around him but, there have be a couple of times when he has decided that he wasn't going to speak to her. Now, each time this happened, it wasn't b/c of an argument, it was just b/c he was in a bad mood. I find this weird. I know that when you live w/someone, you have to deal w/their moods, but flat out not talking to someone? To me, that seems like punishing someone w/o telling them what (if anything) they did wrong.
And i don't mean, "i just got home & i don't want to talk", he flat out told her "i'm not talking to you" w/o saying what was going on...wtf?
Also, whenever i talk to her on the phone, he has to talk to me too or make noise in the background so i acknowledge him. It's annoying! Like he's a kid. Sometimes, I just want to talk to my sister, not him. He even got upset when i wanted to send her an email b/c he wanted to know if it was something he wasn't supposed to see. huh? why would you even think that way? i just wanted to send her links to music.
thanks for the responses. I will keep my antennas up.
The childish game of.."I am not talking to you..."
There apparently is very little communication between the two, and this is your sister who you are talking about, and he STILL acts this way?
Have a heart to heart talk with her. Find out how she feels about this relationship, but yes...indeed keep your *heads up mode on!"
I will absolutely keep my antenna's up. The thing is, my sister was totally fine keeping her place and still seeing him, but he practically thru a fit for mos. trying to get her to move in & it worked. I think that she's sorry she did now.
Controlling behavior is in itself psychologically abusive. Is it a precursor to physical abuse? Not always but it is considered a red flag. See how many points he matches on this article:
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
