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We were together for 3 years. I was 26 he was 25 when the relationship started. 2 1/2 years later he left on deployment and engaged in a (emotional) relationship with another lady which led him to break it off with me on the week of our 3 year anniversary. 2 years later he's now engaged to a girl he's only been dating for 8 months. Ultimately I'm happy for my ex boyfriend, but I still feel like it is a slap in the face.
This is the 3rd boyfriend who has married the girl after "Not being ready" with me.
I guess my question would be is what makes a guy ready for marriage?
We were together for 3 years. I was 26 he was 25 when the relationship started. 2 1/2 years later he left on deployment and engaged in a (emotional) relationship with another lady which led him to break it off with me on the week of our 3 year anniversary. 2 years later he's now engaged to a girl he's only been dating for 8 months. Ultimately I'm happy for my ex boyfriend, but I still feel like it is a slap in the face.
This is the 3rd boyfriend who has married the girl after "Not being ready" with me.
I guess my question would be is what makes a guy ready for marriage?
IMO, when we find someone who will accept us for who we are and not try to modify us into something they want. Trust is another big one, as well as knowing they will be a great mother to our kids. Rugged
There are lots of little things that add up to the "whole person"...I like to base things on the credit/debit system...
Generally most guys will find the following credits...
Long hair
Not overweight
Lust/Enthusiasm in the bedroom
Positive attitude
Fun
Generally most guys will find the following debits...
Nagging
Not letting stuff go
Letting something ruin your day
Arguing in generally and especially when other people are around...
We were together for 3 years. I was 26 he was 25 when the relationship started. 2 1/2 years later he left on deployment and engaged in a (emotional) relationship with another lady which led him to break it off with me on the week of our 3 year anniversary. 2 years later he's now engaged to a girl he's only been dating for 8 months. Ultimately I'm happy for my ex boyfriend, but I still feel like it is a slap in the face.
This is the 3rd boyfriend who has married the girl after "Not being ready" with me.
I guess my question would be is what makes a guy ready for marriage?
Maybe it's a coincidence? After all, you are in your twenties in your age group, that's when guys start off not being interested in getting married, but towards their late twenties, they start finally getting hitched.
Of these three ex boyfriends, would you really want to be married to any of them now and for the rest of your life?
In my boyfriend's group of buddies, the couples are all starting to get married. But just two years ago, all those guys were dating the same women but swearing that they would never get married. Turning 29 and 30 seems to be the tipping point for these guys and they are all college graduates.
And of your last boyfriend, he is in the military and on deployment. He may have gotten married just to make sure that his current love interest would stay faithful and waiting for him while he is out of the country. Maybe with you, you were just too trustworthy and too willing to wait for him while he was away.
We were together for 3 years. I was 26 he was 25 when the relationship started. 2 1/2 years later he left on deployment and engaged in a (emotional) relationship with another lady which led him to break it off with me on the week of our 3 year anniversary. 2 years later he's now engaged to a girl he's only been dating for 8 months. Ultimately I'm happy for my ex boyfriend, but I still feel like it is a slap in the face.
This is the 3rd boyfriend who has married the girl after "Not being ready" with me.
I guess my question would be is what makes a guy ready for marriage?
I guess my answer is, maybe YOU make a guy ready for marriage....
Don't take it the wrong way. Did you see 500 Days of Summer ? There was nothing wrong with the guy in that relationship, he was sweet, funny, cute... he just wasn't the one. And then BAM... outta nowhere, his ex-girlfriend is married to somebody else.
Think of it like this. Somewhere, out there, is a girl prepping your "Mr. Right", right now!
We were together for 3 years. I was 26 he was 25 when the relationship started. 2 1/2 years later he left on deployment and engaged in a (emotional) relationship with another lady which led him to break it off with me on the week of our 3 year anniversary. 2 years later he's now engaged to a girl he's only been dating for 8 months. Ultimately I'm happy for my ex boyfriend, but I still feel like it is a slap in the face.
This is the 3rd boyfriend who has married the girl after "Not being ready" with me.
I guess my question would be is what makes a guy ready for marriage?
Been there done that. I invested 7 years in a guy who went into the Navy and HE actually got married - WHILE we were still engaged and didn't tell me until his mother forced him to.
As for being the rebound girl. I won't date a man unless he's been out of a relationship for a while or has dated someone else in between anymore. As a friend of mine once put it 'It's time to stop being someone else's emotional tampon.'
I don't think the question you should be asking is when is a guy ready to be married - rather what about me makes me marriable. Only you can answer that question. Someone suggested, 'do you change to fit your partner?' Not a good thing to do. The only one who knows that is you. Do you get sexually intimate too quickly in a relationship? How is your confidence level in general? It's really a matter of taking stock in yourself to see what your needs are, what you really want in another person and what you can bring to the table in a marriage.
Also, and I don't want to seem harsh, but the whole 'what makes a guy want to be married' comes across as though you don't care who it is you marry youu just want to be 'married' and are in love with the 'idea' of being married rather than the person you would be married. Especially when you indicate you've been through this 3 times or so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan
There are lots of little things that add up to the "whole person"...I like to base things on the credit/debit system...
Generally most guys will find the following credits... Long hair Not overweight Lust/Enthusiasm in the bedroom Positive attitude Fun
Generally most guys will find the following debits...
Nagging
Not letting stuff go
Letting something ruin your day
Arguing in generally and especially when other people are around...
While those are some qualities YOU may find appealling they do not speak for all men and are mostly superficial and misleading to this poor girl. You left off the one credit item in my own situation described above in that she was overweight AND she came from money, They did divorce, but he was a golddigger (yes, men can be too). She was also not well educated (according to his mom).
Back to the OP's question - there is no one easy answer for your question.
It doesn't have anything to do with the men but YOU. Are you getting into relationships telling these guys you want to be married? Are you doing all the things a wife would do to try and convince them of what a great wife you'll make? I find that when women try to seek a man's approval or prove she's marriage worthy, he loses respect for her and string her along until he meets a woman who's confident and self assured and doesn't need a man or the wife title to make her feel complete. Also being needy is a turn off as most men do not want a emotional dependent. So I say look inside YOU and see the pattern you've had with these guys and what ways you can work on and improve so you can stop being the 'teacher' but his dream girl. Take a trip to the book store and read some self help books and you should see what improvements you need to make within and remember every relationship starts with YOU.
While those are some qualities YOU may find appealling they do not speak for all men and are mostly superficial and misleading to this poor girl. You left off the one credit item in my own situation described above in that she was overweight AND she came from money, They did divorce, but he was a golddigger (yes, men can be too). She was also not well educated (according to his mom).
Back to the OP's question - there is no one easy answer for your question.
When did I mention that I speak for all men?
Fact of the matter remains...If a female can make herself more attractive, she increase her odds of landing what she considers a "catch"...
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