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I haven't read all of the posts in this thread, just the first 2 pages....but I think I've heard enough. Have you seen the "women's point system", posted elsewhere on CD? I'm going to give you a condensed version of it, from a woman's point of view. You agreed to "allow" your wife to help this family out...that's +5 points. You said that you agreed with something the other husbands said, because they're too cheap to help out the other family....that's -25 points! What you might have said that STILL would have earned you +50 points? "What a jerk! Of course we should help her and the kids out. My gosh, what kind of a guy would abandon his family, financially and physically.....much less, right before Christmas? I have to say though, I agree with the other guys....he MADE that family and it's his responsibility to take care of them...but...it's pretty obvious that he's not going to do so. I can't believe those other guys can't break lose with a few dollars to help out a woman and children who are about to lose the roof over their heads. It's pretty obvious that the abandoning husband isn't the only a$$hole out there!.....Honey, I love you!...and I'm GLAD to help!"
P.S. As other posters have stated though...you gave her your "token" approval, she gave you her "token" approval...seems like a pretty even deal.
P.S.S. By the way.....as an afterthought here... sometimes, people don't always tell the truth. It's entirely possible that ALL of those other husbands didn't say what their wives claimed that they said. Perhaps wifey should consider the possibility that some of her "friends" didn't even speak about this situation with their mates. Folks in relationships DO use each other for scapegoats, ya know. It's quite possible that only a couple of those women even brought the subject up to their husbands....and the others simply parroted their responses.
While not quite the same thing it has to do with community and taking care of it. I have a house full of foster dogs that, if left to their owners, would otherwise be gassed and dead right now. I could shrug it off - let the government deal with it, let the former owners do with it what they wanted, but in the spirit of giving I have taken them in for the original fosters who had to go out of town for the holidays. If someone I lived with or dated said no way - out they'd go (the person).
Sometimes we are called upon to do things and give which take a little extra effort on our part if only temporarily. At some point you may be the one in need and then what?
Last edited by Thursday007; 12-24-2009 at 07:49 AM..
While not quite the same thing it has to do with community and taking care of it. I have a house full of foster dogs that, if left to their owners, would otherwise be gassed and dead right now. I could shrug it off - let the government deal with it, let the former owners do with it what they wanted, but in the spirit of giving I have taken them in for the original fosters who had to go out of town for the holidays. If someone I lived with or dated said no way - out they'd go (the person).
Sometimes we are called upon to do things and give which take a little extra effort on our part if only temporarily. At some point you may be the one in need and then what?
I get your point (and everyone else's) the difference is that I wouldn't be allowed to get away with doing something like that to my family. Both my job and the court system would jump right in and I would be serving jail time quicker than anyone in any other job. But you see the threat of jail does not make me do the right thing its my personal responsibility as a man to do the right thing and always take care of my family. Look my wife and I were separated for about a year and a half where I had to live in my parents basement, and continue to pay the bills on the condo we own. Was I PO'd about living in a basement and still paying the bills @ home as if I still lived there? Damn right I was. I also had to pay my parents rent each month (not at all because they asked, but because its the right thing to do). All of this and my wife makes twice what I make (at that time). There were times I had to work a second job to make ends meet (just to help support myself). So no my empathy tells me when times are tough (and they get tough for everyone) that you do all you can to get yourself out of that jam, and when you've done all you possibly can then ask for help, and no some men don't ask for help, but if I ever got the help I would be damn grateful for it and I would make sure I was there to either repay it or pay it forward. It would be a lot easier for people to feel better about and be more willing to help if everyone took that attitude. When there are people struggling to make ends meet and they see someone skate eventually they are going to say "enough" and not want to help (even with children involved). That's where the other husbands are coming from. If you want call me de-sensitized to the situation. And for the record I didn't "allow" my wife to help once again I just supported her decision.
It's a one time thing, not something that could be put off until the dog is adopted properly, call it an 'emergency' situation. Just like these foster's needed assistance as a one time thing to go out of town, there may be a time when I will need the same thing or go into the hospital and 'my commiunity' will be there to help me out of a temporary jam. They could say, 'let her family help her,' but my family in town does not like dogs.
There's nothing the courts will do between now and Christmas which is the whole point of these posts. No one is asking you to permanently care for these people.
What disgusts me is the idea that personal responsibility holds little weight here. I thought by supporting my wife I was doing the right thing both as a husband and a human being, but I seem to be offending some of you here merely because I let my feelings be known on the subject.
Is that all, really? We're mad because you expressed an opinion. You seem to minimize and discount quite a bit. Perhaps that is another reason your wife is not happy with this.
I don't see how we can be offended, personally, by your position on all this. It doesn't affect us. We disapprove. YOU are offended by that fact. And you conveniently dismiss that no one is dismissing your position on the deadbeat.
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What some of you are also forgetting is that in spite of my feelings I stood by my wife and supported her decision to help her friend out.
That is the operative term, in spite of your feelings. You don't agree with her, but you support her. She doesn't agree with you, and you're acting like she's ungrateful. You expressed your disapproval, she did the same. But she's wrong.
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I wonder what some of you would say if I was against her idea and refused to support her. IMO it appears that for doing the right thing some of you think I should still be visited by the three ghosts on Christmas Eve.
I don't think anyone cares that much.
I love how you distort your way through this. We want the worst for you because you did the right thing. That would pretty much place us in the same place as your wife, wouldn't it? Ungrateful, nothing is good enough, we are all wrong.
You opened up the discussion, you got your answers and we are the enemy because we disagree. Please.
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Originally Posted by SKP440
So no my empathy tells me when times are tough (and they get tough for everyone) that you do all you can to get yourself out of that jam, and when you've done all you possibly can then ask for help, and no some men don't ask for help, but if I ever got the help I would be damn grateful for it and I would make sure I was there to either repay it or pay it forward.
No one is disputing that. But you don't teach him a lesson by refusing to help the people he screwed over. Not you, per se, because you are "supporting" your wife, but you do think this is the right way to approach it, apparently.
We all know no one is obligated to help. But when this is the reason you refuse, it speaks volumes about you. Again, this is why your wife is disappointed. You get mad at getting a half a "thank you", she's mad at gettting half of your support in the whole deal. Call it even and move forward.
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When there are people struggling to make ends meet and they see someone skate eventually they are going to say "enough" and not want to help (even with children involved).
It happens every day, we all get disgusted with it. It is ONE Christmas dinner for a family who has not even had the opportunity to take advantage of everyone. So how does "enough" apply to them?
Is that all, really? We're mad because you expressed an opinion. You seem to minimize and discount quite a bit. Perhaps that is another reason your wife is not happy with this.
I don't see how we can be offended, personally, by your position on all this. It doesn't affect us. We disapprove. YOU are offended by that fact. And you conveniently dismiss that no one is dismissing your position on the deadbeat.
That is the operative term, in spite of your feelings. You don't agree with her, but you support her. She doesn't agree with you, and you're acting like she's ungrateful. You expressed your disapproval, she did the same. But she's wrong.
I don't think anyone cares that much.
I love how you distort your way through this. We want the worst for you because you did the right thing. That would pretty much place us in the same place as your wife, wouldn't it? Ungrateful, nothing is good enough, we are all wrong.
You opened up the discussion, you got your answers and we are the enemy because we disagree. Please.
No one is disputing that. But you don't teach him a lesson by refusing to help the people he screwed over. Not you, per se, because you are "supporting" your wife, but you do think this is the right way to approach it, apparently.
We all know no one is obligated to help. But when this is the reason you refuse, it speaks volumes about you. Again, this is why your wife is disappointed. You get mad at getting a half a "thank you", she's mad at gettting half of your support in the whole deal. Call it even and move forward.
It happens every day, we all get disgusted with it. It is ONE Christmas dinner for a family who has not even had the opportunity to take advantage of everyone. So how does "enough" apply to them?
Ok for the sake of the Holiday I give. So in order to be considered "fully supportive of one's spouse" one must agree no matter what they feel and not voice their feelings? Even if they were NOT originally voiced but actually in agreement with others who obviously felt the same way and acted accordingly? Just because children (the elderly, small defenseless animals etc.) are involved are we not still entitled to our feelings even though they may not be popular? I'm not talking about committing a criminal act here, or the enjoyment of doing so. It appears my thoughts on this subject are criminal to some and that is ok. Its what makes America great. I'm not offended by this and I do welcome the opposing views, I'm merely trying to better defend my point of view. To address the "enough" issue I was talking more about the act of giving (in general) and some attitudes expressed by some who may be asked to do so. I also admit my wife is the kind one, but why does that make me the bad guy because I don't quite fully share that trait? NEVER in this thread did I say I was against giving for any reason. I'm just one who obviously has no "sensitive" side when there are other players involved. I am upset for (and some will be angry here) at the Dad for pulling the fast one to avoid his responsibilities, and my wife's friend for NOT doing what she needed to do to BEFORE this situation got this bad. She should have sold the house, but that is just my opinion. Some of you also remark that it is just one meal and I have to be honest I agree it is ONE meal and I did do the right thing. Put the little (*) if needed. The other thing is out of 15 families only 2 helped, so obviously the majority saw something there (apparently so did I). I really do think that had the father lost his job (and NOT QUIT TO AVOID HIS RESPONSIBILITY) his family would have much more than one meal courtesy of ALL (15) other families, because those circumstances are true hard times.
Ok for the sake of the Holiday I give. So in order to be considered "fully supportive of one's spouse" one must agree no matter what they feel and not voice their feelings? Even if they were NOT originally voiced but actually in agreement with others who obviously felt the same way and acted accordingly? Just because children (the elderly, small defenseless animals etc.) are involved are we not still entitled to our feelings even though they may not be popular? I'm not talking about committing a criminal act here, or the enjoyment of doing so. It appears my thoughts on this subject are criminal to some and that is ok. Its what makes America great. I'm not offended by this and I do welcome the opposing views, I'm merely trying to better defend my point of view. To address the "enough" issue I was talking more about the act of giving (in general) and some attitudes expressed by some who may be asked to do so. I also admit my wife is the kind one, but why does that make me the bad guy because I don't quite fully share that trait. NEVER in this thread did I say I was against giving for any reason. I'm just one who obviously has no "sensitive" side when there are other players involved. I am upset for (and some will be angry here) at the Dad for pulling the fast one to avoid his responsibilities, and my wife's friend for NOT doing what she needed to do to BEFORE this situation got this bad. She should have sold the house, but that is just my opinion. Some of you also remark that it is just one meal and I have to be honest I agree it is ONE meal and I did do the right thing. Put the little (*) if needed. The other thing is out of 15 families only 2 helped, so obviously the majority saw something there (apparently so did I). I really do think that had the father lost his job (and NOT QUIT TO AVOID HIS RESPONSIBILITY) his family would have much more than one meal courtesy of ALL (15) the other families, because those circumstances are true hard times.
Now his thinking is criminal. Broken record. Hopeless.
It's about pulling together to care about her and her children and not caring about the jacknut she's married to. No one is covering for him. This is about helping her out of a hard time not him.
And the anecdote with the animals was an example of giving and receiving when in need. I help you and some time down the way I may need you to help me. It's a sense of 'community' pulling together.
Last edited by Thursday007; 12-24-2009 at 11:07 PM..
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You agreed to "allow" your wife to help this family out...that's +5 points. You said that you agreed with something the other husbands said, because they're too cheap to help out the other family....that's -25 points! What you might have said that STILL would have earned you +50 points? "What a jerk! Of course we should help her and the kids out. My gosh, what kind of a guy would abandon his family, financially and physically.....much less, right before Christmas? I have to say though, I agree with the other guys....he MADE that family and it's his responsibility to take care of them...but...it's pretty obvious that he's not going to do so. I can't believe those other guys can't break lose with a few dollars to help out a woman and children who are about to lose the roof over their heads. It's pretty obvious that the abandoning husband isn't the only a$$hole out there!.....Honey, I love you!...and I'm GLAD to help!" 
