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As a hispanic female, I have seen and heard a lot of stories of adult sons and daughters who are living at home with their elderly parents. Malamute described how some families choose one person who will stay at home and be the parents caretaker for the rest of their lives. I have always found this appalling. I didn't even realize it was happening in this day and age.
However, I really don't understand if its the parents fault or the sons/daughter's fault when I have observed entire families living together generation upon generation. I don't understand if the parents are brainwashing the kids so they always stay there, or if the kids are so selfish, they don't care to leave home and stay so they inherit the house. I don't understand if its a push and pull, with the parents wanting them to stay , and the kids not getting a good education and choosing to stay. In some instances , I have observed, the lines between who's pushing who, is murky, to me.
As a hispanic female, I have seen and heard a lot of stories of adult sons and daughters who are living at home with their elderly parents. Malamute described how some families choose one person who will stay at home and be the parents caretaker for the rest of their lives. I have always found this appalling. I didn't even realize it was happening in this day and age.
Why? If anything, what is appalling is the fact that millions of Americans just dump their parents into "old fokes" homes and leave them there to die.
In fact, it makes me angry that American culture has such little respect for elderly people. Maybe that's why our culture is so screwed, elderly people are plucked out of society and have no daily interaction to instill wisdom into these young people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001
However, I really don't understand if its the parents fault or the sons/daughter's fault when I have observed entire families living together generation upon generation. I don't understand if the parents are brainwashing the kids so they always stay there, or if the kids are so selfish, they don't care to leave home and stay so they inherit the house. I don't understand if its a push and pull, with the parents wanting them to stay , and the kids not getting a good education and choosing to stay. In some instances , I have observed, the lines between who's pushing who, is murky, to me.
I think every family is different and whatever each family decides to do should be respected. I mean not every family has the same resources so all you can do is work the best you can with what you have.
Also, mind you, super elite families who control all of our lives all live and work together (in some way shape or form) from generation to generation; and that's my whole point, there is power in numbers especially if those numbers are your own family. Please, study the Rockefellers, the Kennedys or the Rothschilds, you will be amazed.
I was thinking of a book I read, that was later made into a movie about a decade ago, called "Like Water for Chocolate", where the girl was forced to give up her boyfriend because she was supposed to stay home and never marry. The mom decided the girl would never have a life and the girl was forced to suffer the loss of her beloved and of her own way in life, because the mom thought she should do that. That is what is appalling to me.
Exactly -- when someone is stuck in the old country's culture, they should marry within that culture because not too many Americans are going to find that very strong mother-in-law way of life appealing.
You can bet on it -- mama will have the last say, often the first say, the middle say.
I agree, not only do I personally live it, but I have seen it with my girlfriend.
Right now in my girlfriends on/off relationship, she tells me his mother has a maid that cleans twice a week, the mother does all the cooking, laundry, and shopping, and because their house is so big (again they are wealthy) they have a phone line just for the wings of the house so mom doesn't have to shout. (This is the family from China).
My girlfriend sees this as, her becoming groomed to take over the mother's job and simply replace her as his "new mom with benefits". This man is 34 years old.
She also has problems with his spending habits. Because he inherited so much wealth from his deceased father, owns the gigantic home, and makes his own money with his career, he buys anything and everything flashy that's new on the market. Problem is, he never gets rid of anything, and hordes it all...hence why the maid comes in to dust the piles of bling. She knows she's just a new shiny toy that goes up on the shelf until he's ready to play with it.
He has offered her a lifetime of security, but at the costs she is not willing to pay.
Some of the problems is the customs mix, they have half original customs from their country and some from this one, but its not an appealing mix to American girls which is why he has stayed single for most of his adult life, except my friend. He's a handsome well put together man, but the way he lives drives my friend insane. LOL
People need to be culturally aware. It is common in other cultures to have the family more integrated. Americans tend to place their parents in an old folks home with a bunch of strangers. Is this how you treat your mom? For some, this not acceptable for others it is. Its a cultural thing. If the guy is successful and productive then who cares where he lives. Its not like he can't move out because he is irresponsible i.e. can't keep a job etc.
A lot of the hate on here is from people that are just jealous. Ya, it might not seem fair that someone can live rent free and accumulate a lot of wealth but a lot of things in life are not fair. There's a lot of people on this board when after paying their monthly bills don't even have $500 to their name. These are the people who are hating.
Likewise, I think its ridiculous that someone in their mid twenties is having their apt paid for by daddy. It is what it is. Ya, it might not be fair that this person's whole income is going towards big payments on a nice car, clothing and entertainment. Its their life, who cares. Worry about your own life.
Why? If anything, what is appalling is the fact that millions of Americans just dump their parents into "old fokes" homes and leave them there to die.
In fact, it makes me angry that American culture has such little respect for elderly people. Maybe that's why our culture is so screwed, elderly people are plucked out of society and have no daily interaction to instill wisdom into these young people.
I doubt most people just casually dump their parents in an old folks home. My dad isn't in one, we can't catch him to put him in one, he's heading to Florida in a few days with his big RV - and he found a job as a campground host.
A lot of older Americans actually have things pretty good, they are the wealthiest group of Americans overall, many saved and invested, are traveling.
Usually the people who end up in a nursing home are ill. If you really know people who put a parent in one, it was a heart-wrenching decision, but maybe a broken hip that would never heal, a massive stroke, dementia led to the decision. Not all bedridden elderly kept in their homes are well-cared for, they come to the ER dehydrated, septic, with bedsores because no one knew how to prevent them. Some people may have nursing degrees or experience and know how to properly care for a bedridden ill person, not everyone can, not everyone can give up an income to stay home all day and provide 24-7 nursing care.
And what about the elderly who chose never to have kids? They may be the ones you see without visitors. They may be too ill to continue living home alone, the hospital may have discharged them to a nursing home.
Plus there are some parents who were abusive, and maybe their children don't visit them because of horrendous memories.
Also - many people are raised by their parents to have a career, not to give up a career to provide them clock-round nursing care. In reality I don't want that for my children. Hopefully I'll be like my dad and have a big RV and travel around, but if I'm sick -- well that's not why I have children.
People need to be culturally aware. It is common in other cultures to have the family more integrated. Americans tend to place their parents in an old folks home with a bunch of strangers. Is this how you treat your mom? For some, this not acceptable for others it is. Its a cultural thing. If the guy is successful and productive then who cares where he lives. Its not like he can't move out because he is irresponsible i.e. can't keep a job etc.
A lot of the hate on here is from people that are just jealous. Ya, it might not seem fair that someone can live rent free and accumulate a lot of wealth but a lot of things in life are not fair. There's a lot of people on this board when after paying their monthly bills don't even have $500 to their name. These are the people who are hating.
Likewise, I think its ridiculous that someone in their mid twenties is having their apt paid for by daddy. It is what it is. Ya, it might not be fair that this person's whole income is going towards big payments on a nice car, clothing and entertainment. Its their life, who cares. Worry about your own life.
I don't agree that Americans just dump their parents in nursing homes. There are alternatives like home care and assisted living and adult day care. Someone still needs to have power of attorney and make their decisions and take care of their business. When the person needs 24/7 monitoring and care then they would need to be placed. If it is a cultural taboo to ever put the person in nursing care, then they are probably at some point not getting proper medical care. 24/7 means someone has to be up all night with the person as well as all day. Those people are often incontinent and cannot feed themselves or perform any personal care. How can you work and do that at the same time? Someone, normally the daughter or daughter-in-law, would have to quit her job and become a free on-call nurse working three shifts doing the work of orderlies aides and RNs. She may not be able to lift the person. THAT is the reality so some of you who seem to have no idea need to maybe look at the facts.
I doubt anyone is jealous of the boy with the toys and the apron strings. Lots of parents would love to have their kid stick around and not have to deal with an empty nest. We leave because it's time to fly.
It looks like malamute and I posted at the same time. Mal gets it.
Anyone should visit a caregiving board if they really want to understand the reality.
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If anything, what is appalling is the fact that millions of Americans just dump their parents into "old fokes" homes and leave them there to die. 
