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Our society puts too much pressure on married couples. They expect the spouse to provide most social, intellectual and intimate conversational needs to their partner.
This expectation is really hard on the men. Because men's friendships in general are not as close as a woman, many men are lonely. Men's friendships are best described as buddies, activity partners, and sports participants. They are not likely to provide the deep friendship that most women have with their close girl friends.
Many men tell me that while they love their wife and enjoy the the time they spend with each other, they would like to communicate in a personal and close way to other human beings. But again, the type of relationships men have with each other do not allow the type of closeness they need. There are things that the men would like to talk about that their male buddies will not discuss and their spouse just have no interest in.
The husband and wife can have great communication but are human beings and do not share all the same interests and it is impossible for the other to full fill all the others need for in depth intimate personal communication. And unless the female friend of the man is allowed to become close friends, real communication is limited, instead just the banal small talk of acquaintances.
What is a man to do? His social and conversational needs can not be met by just one woman. He loves his wife but feels unfulfilled. Married Men need close women friends! Don't you agree?
Last edited by Stranded and Lonely; 12-24-2009 at 05:45 AM..
when your "man" says that he loves his wife, what is meant by that? ever bothered pondering what is implied when a man says to a woman "i love you"? after you've answered that, consider the converse.
now that you can see the differences between men and women in what is meant by "love", do the same thing with the idea of marriage. are you starting to see a pattern? they want different things. how are both parties' needs served? it's one word, and it's pretty obvious.
communication.
if joe doesn't tell jane that something is wrong, she isn't going to be able to offer assistance. if jane never says anything to joe, her frustration will only create a greater ravine between them. is it starting to get clearer? if both sides of this marriage/couple aren't putting an effort into making the relationship work, it's doomed.
regardless, you're being very presumptuous about the marriage situation. i don't recall seeing any partners who ban their significant other from socializing with other people. if that happens without good reason (the off-limits person is an alcoholic, etc), then there are deeper problems that can only be solved by, you guessed it, communicating them.
Aren't you the one that posted your wife's best friend was a man and you considered it odd? Now you are advocating male/female relationships outside the marriage?
Our society puts too much pressure on married couples. They expect the spouse to provide most social, intellectual and intimate conversational needs to their partner.
This expectation is really hard on the men. Because men's friendships in general are not as close as a woman, many men are lonely. Men's friendships are best described as buddies, activity partners, and sports participants. They are not likely to provide the deep friendship that most women have with their close girl friends.
Many men tell me that while they love their wife and enjoy the the time they spend with each other, they would like to communicate in a personal and close way to other human beings. But again, the type of relationships men have with each other do not allow the type of closeness they need. There are things that the men would like to talk about that their male buddies will not discuss and their spouse just have no interest in.
The husband and wife can have great communication but are human beings and do not share all the same interests and it is impossible for the other to full fill all the others need for in depth intimate personal communication. And unless the female friend of the man is allowed to become close friends, real communication is limited, instead just the banal small talk of acquaintances.
What is a man to do? His social and conversational needs can not be met by just one woman. He loves his wife but feels unfulfilled. Married Men need close women friends! Don't you agree?
I know of no one that prohibits their spouse from having friends of the opposite gender. Maybe you simple need to improve your communication skills.
What is a man to do? His social and conversational needs can not be met by just one woman. He loves his wife but feels unfulfilled. Married Men need close women friends! Don't you agree?
A truly happy married guy has a close woman friend and that is his wife. My wife and I share everything, party together and there is nothing we can't discuss. She has her interests, I have mine and when we get together at the end of the day we have so much to discuss.
We also have our own friends (men & women) that we enjoy hanging with but there is no better friend then a great spouse. None of our other friends can we 100% share our thoughts and feelings.
Maybe we aren't your traditional couple because we are so close but IMO your concept of close friends is not accurate.
Maybe you are lacking and are not fulfilled, Are you projecting ?
I will admit when guys talk we can see things from a guy perspective which many times women do not completely understand.
If anyone wants to see an extreme opposite example, then Google former NBA player Doug Christie. Some of you may be in awe, others of you may find it suffocating.
I agree that a lot of male friends, especially those that consider themselves somewhat "tough" or "macho", are unlikely to have deep conversations about personal issues as many female friends tend to do. While I don't exactly cry on their shoulder, I do consider myself lucky to have childhood male buds that I can open up with if need be.
On the other hand, as a guy I think it's sometimes good to have another female perspective of things. (And a male perspective for a lady as well.)
Each person has their own life experience and is biased, albeit unintentionally, so it's nice to check in with someone who can understand both perspectives. Certainly everyone should meet each other so there's no "secret" acquaintances. One of my best friends is female and she and my lady have hung out many times.
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