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Long story short, after a lifetime of self sacrifice, I finally "found myself" a few years ago and have never been happier. I spent (and wasted) a lot of time proving myself to be worthy, letting others decide what I was entitled to and what I deserved. I have realized that I could actually lay out what I want and have it, even if others don't approve. And I embrace the axiom that there is always someone else out there willing to do what another won't.
However, living life on my terms has been a challenge to some men. I do have to take into consideration that old habits are hard to break. I have to step back from time to time and decipher whether or not it is justified apprehension or over the top insecurity. I have learned the difference and I have learned that I have to accept that their perception is their reality and let them go.
To be clear, I don't mean "me, me, me" when it comes to living life on my terms. I mean enforcing my boundaries and securing my happiness first. What many people don't realize is that this does include making concessions and sacrifices for someone else, just not at my own personal expense or to my detriment.
Thankfully, the man I am with, even with our last little bump, loves this about me. He doesn't know this and, again, old habits die hard - I find myself wanting to make adjustments without any cause just to secure things. But he really respects this about me and I don't have to change a thing. It took me 4-5 years since my "epiphany" to find this. And it sounds like a long time, but it has flown by because I was in no hurry, nor did I feel lonely in the process.
This is mostly a share (cuz it's Christmas and I'm so happy!), but, have any of you felt challenged by this type of thing or have you been turned away because of it?
Congratulations on your epiphany. Those are always treasured moments of life. Nothing really beats that feeling when you know that not only are you changing/have you changed, but it is for the better. It's as if you're finally waking up from a deep sleep and all around in this world in a new light and all you want to do is explore.
I agree with you as well. The way I see it, if I'm not personally happy, then how the hell am I supposed to make other people happy? That would like the blind leading the blind.
Sure, I am a free spirit myself, but I am also very caring. Except for the holidays, I do fine either solo or with others in private or community. I am definitely not a "me me me mine" person. The trouble for me comes when people expect to be able to mold me or tell me what to do, when they cross that certain line from friendship to romance/relationship. I won't go for it. Like you, OP, I have worked too hard to liberate myself from that kind of bondage. I am attractive, so I have no trouble dating. It's the closer, more intimate or lasting relationships, that seem to elude me these days.
Merry Christmas and congratulations on your epiphany.
We must have different ideas of what a "free spirit" is. The way describe yourself sounds just like normal healthy behavior.
To me the words "free spirit" kind of induce the idea of someone being kind of flaky, at least every time I've heard someone described as a free spirt, they were usually somewhat nutty.
I am very happy for you. Congratulations on finding yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean by a free spirit but I am one who doesn't usually follow other people's rules. I am also very lucky as my hubby loves me the way I am.
My hubby was just joking with me because I just took the dog for a walk in my sweats and I never do that. I told him "that's my Christmas present to myself." I can do anything I want today and if the neighbors don't like it then don't look, lol.
Chow, I define a free spirit as being a non-conformist. Of course, it could be also be seen as reckless and irresponsible by some, but it's all relative, right? To some, not having the A, B, C order of life is reckless and irresponsible. Not going to college, getting married, having the house with picket fence and 2.3 kids, is inconceivable.
The words "supposed to" and "have to" are now like nails on a chalkboard. I really can do whatever I want, within the law and considering the rights of others, but as it applies to how I live my life and what I want for myself, the sky is the limit.
Chow, I define a free spirit as being a non-conformist. Of course, it could be also be seen as reckless and irresponsible by some, but it's all relative, right? To some, not having the A, B, C order of life is reckless and irresponsible. Not going to college, getting married, having the house with picket fence and 2.3 kids, is inconceivable.
The words "supposed to" and "have to" are now like nails on a chalkboard. I really can do whatever I want, within the law and considering the rights of others, but as it applies to how I live my life and what I want for myself, the sky is the limit.
Cool, I get ya.
I'm starting to feel that way too. I wish I could just ****can all of it and just do my own thing.
I pretty much did all of the things that your supposed to do:
Went to college
Got the "good" job in stable industry
Bought the home
Try to say and do the right things.
Blah blah blah.
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