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Old 12-25-2009, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,293,272 times
Reputation: 563

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Not that there is anything wrong with being single. I enjoy it myself, except for these blasted holidays and vacations (which I think are grossly over-rated). I've enjoyed my single life for a long time. Now, strangely, I find myself wishing I had someone to cuddle with right now, on this cold, rainy, snowy, solitary Wisconsin Christmas day--someone I could share my otherwise great life with--a real love partner or mate.

So, today, on yet another solitary Christmas day I find myself doing some real soul-searching. I just googled this book title: If I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single? I found the table of contents on amazon.com, and it has me exploring why or how an otherwise happy and together person always winds up alone. I mean, I am seriously asking myself here what internal blocks am I harboring deep down? Do I really not want to be in a relationship? Is that why I am drawn to people who I must know, again deep down, can't commit or be there for me or with me consistently?

Aaaaaaargh! lol

So, what do you think? Why are there so many wonderful people out here who are "challenged" in this area? I meet all these charming, funny, smart, and, yes, sexy people on the job, in the arts, in classes, yadda yadda. They flirt with me, get crushes on me, throw out little hints, etc.; and they almost all turn out to be truly dysfunctional when it comes to romance or intimacy. I'm afraid I might be one of them because anyone I find myself attracted to either gets turned off all of a sudden, runs screaming for the hills, disappears after the chase is over, or tries to gobble me up or smother me. I know I'm capable of loving and being loved. I have had some very good long-term relationships in the past.

I look around me, everywhere (NYC, Madison, etc. I travel.), and I see so many truly messed up people (angry, b*tchy, childish, etc.) in lasting relationships. What do they know about relationships and jumping in there that the rest of us seem to be missing?

Dang, I sound so Sex and the City today (Remember Carrie's column?). But seriously, if I'm so wonderful why am I still single? I hate this expression, but how do people "get in their own way" when it comes to relationships?

Last edited by Nala8; 12-25-2009 at 03:46 PM..
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Old 12-25-2009, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,607 posts, read 38,923,618 times
Reputation: 13406
Nala, you seem like a nice person. I wish I could set you up with my brother! He seems to get hung up on losers and I don't know why. He truly is a wonderful person with a lot to offer the right gal. But, he's in CA.
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Old 12-25-2009, 03:56 PM
 
5,879 posts, read 8,674,699 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8 View Post
Not that there is anything wrong with being single. I enjoy it myself, except for these blasted holidays and vacations (which I think are grossly over-rated). I've enjoyed my single life for a long time. Now, strangely, I find myself wishing I had someone to cuddle with right now, on this cold, rainy, snowy, solitary Wisconsin Christmas day--someone I could share my otherwise great life with--a real love partner or mate.

So, today, on yet another solitary Christmas day I find myself doing some real soul-searching. I just googled this book title: If I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single? I found the table of contents on amazon.com, and it has me exploring why or how an otherwise happy and together person always winds up alone. I mean, I am seriously asking myself here what internal blocks am I harboring deep down? Do I really not want to be in a relationship? Is that why I am drawn to people who I must know, again deep down, can't commit or be there for me or with me consistently?

Aaaaaaargh! lol

So, what do you think? Why are there so many wonderful people out here who are "challenged" in this area? I meet all these charming, funny, smart, and, yes, sexy people on the job, in the arts, in classes, yadda yadda. They flirt with me, get crushes on me, throw out little hints, etc.; and they almost all turn out to be truly dysfunctional when it comes to romance or intimacy. I'm afraid I might be one of them because anyone I find myself attracted to either gets turned off all of a sudden, runs screaming for the hills, disappears after the chase is over, or tries to gobble me up or smother me. I know I'm capable of loving and being loved. I have had some very good long-term relationships in the past.

I look around me, everywhere (NYC, Madison, etc. I travel.), and I see so many truly messed up people (angry, b*tchy, childish, etc.) in lasting relationships. What do they know about relationships and jumping in there that the rest of us seem to be missing?

Dang, I sound so Sex and the City today (Remember Carrie's column?). But seriously, if I'm so wonderful why am I still single? I hate this expression, but how do people "get in their own way" when it comes to relationships?
I wonder the same things, yet I know the answer? You are a bit more selective with who you choose as a SO. I get hit on a lot, but is it what I'm really looking for? No, it isn't and I remain single. I think that every decent woman can see I have my s*** together. The problem is they don't!LOL...... Good luck, and at least you have good taste in music! Rugged
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Old 12-25-2009, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,293,272 times
Reputation: 563
So funny. Thanks, Twinkle Toes. I think I do need a matchmaker, or a coach, to help wean me of my "type." I think I am a nice person, and a smart person in all other areas of my life. I have a great sense of humor, I'm a fun date and a good friend, and someone once described me as "classy-sexy." But in this arena, I feel like a complete idiot or cliche of the woman who has everything--except love. As someone once said about herself, "something is wrong with my picker."

Last edited by Nala8; 12-25-2009 at 04:09 PM..
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Old 12-25-2009, 04:04 PM
 
11,869 posts, read 15,962,699 times
Reputation: 20055
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8 View Post

I look around me, everywhere (NYC, Madison, etc. I travel.), and I see so many truly messed up people (angry, b*tchy, childish, etc.) in lasting relationships. What do they know about relationships and jumping in there that the rest of us seem to be missing?
I get you. In the last month I have known 3 women who have gotten married. One of them is a doll, but the other two are hell on wheels. They act like total ******* most of the time and are generally miserable to be around. I always wonder how they snagged men.

Maybe it's the equivalent of the "bad boy syndrome" that women suffer from at times.
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Old 12-25-2009, 04:04 PM
 
5,879 posts, read 8,674,699 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8 View Post
So funny. Thanks, Twinkle Toes. I think I do need a matchmaker, or a coach, to help wean me of my "type". I think I am a nice person, and a smart person in all other areas of my life. I have a great sense of humor, I'm a fun date and a good friend, and someone once described me as "classy0sexy." But in this arena, I feel like a complete idiot or cliche of the woman who has everything--except love. As someone once said about herself, "something is wrong with my picker."
Change one letter of that last word? LOL...... I hope you don't have one of those, as this could be your problem?LOL...... JK
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Old 12-25-2009, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,293,272 times
Reputation: 563
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2RUGGED4YOU View Post
I wonder the same things, yet I know the answer? You are a bit more selective with who you choose as a SO. I get hit on a lot, but is it what I'm really looking for? No, it isn't and I remain single. I think that every decent woman can see I have my s*** together. The problem is they don't!LOL...... Good luck, and at least you have good taste in music! Rugged
Hey Rugged. Yes, yes... I get hit on a lot myself--for b.s. flirtations, benefits, booty calls, cat-and-mouse games, and the chase. I occasionally get the "you are the only one for me, and I am the only one for you" dude who wants to smother me and our relationship to near freakin' death. lol.

I am selective, and as one of my best friends pointed out I don't stick around for long to "make things work" once the person starts to show me their true colors. I figure, what's the point? I sincerely don't think it's my place to try to change another human being. Nor do I think this is possible.

Music is my love, oh yeah, and poetry, film, etc. But I am looking for the one I can serenade on my guitar at our wedding. I want us each to write our own wedding vows, and then spend the rest of our lives together making our own movie.
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Old 12-25-2009, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,293,272 times
Reputation: 563
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2RUGGED4YOU View Post
Change one letter of that last word? LOL...... I hope you don't have one of those, as this could be your problem?LOL...... JK
Hahahahahaha... Oh no. The thought did cross my mind. Of course, only Rugged would have the guts to point it out.

I am all woman, Rugged
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Old 12-25-2009, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,293,272 times
Reputation: 563
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
I get you. In the last month I have known 3 women who have gotten married. One of them is a doll, but the other two are hell on wheels. They act like total ******* most of the time and are generally miserable to be around. I always wonder how they snagged men.

Maybe it's the equivalent of the "bad boy syndrome" that women suffer from at times.
Yeah, maybe there are a lot of guys out there who like women who are hard to handle, or "fixer-uppers." There is even a book out on the subject called Why Men Love B*tches. Good grief, Charlie Brown.
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Old 12-25-2009, 04:11 PM
 
19,585 posts, read 17,683,857 times
Reputation: 7606
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8 View Post
Not that there is anything wrong with being single. I enjoy it myself, except for these blasted holidays and vacations (which I think are grossly over-rated). I've enjoyed my single life for a long time. Now, strangely, I find myself wishing I had someone to cuddle with right now, on this cold, rainy, snowy, solitary Wisconsin Christmas day--someone I could share my otherwise great life with--a real love partner or mate.

So, today, on yet another solitary Christmas day I find myself doing some real soul-searching. I just googled this book title: If I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single? I found the table of contents on amazon.com, and it has me exploring why or how an otherwise happy and together person always winds up alone. I mean, I am seriously asking myself here what internal blocks am I harboring deep down? Do I really not want to be in a relationship? Is that why I am drawn to people who I must know, again deep down, can't commit or be there for me or with me consistently?

Aaaaaaargh! lol

So, what do you think? Why are there so many wonderful people out here who are "challenged" in this area? I meet all these charming, funny, smart, and, yes, sexy people on the job, in the arts, in classes, yadda yadda. They flirt with me, get crushes on me, throw out little hints, etc.; and they almost all turn out to be truly dysfunctional when it comes to romance or intimacy. I'm afraid I might be one of them because anyone I find myself attracted to either gets turned off all of a sudden, runs screaming for the hills, disappears after the chase is over, or tries to gobble me up or smother me. I know I'm capable of loving and being loved. I have had some very good long-term relationships in the past.

I look around me, everywhere (NYC, Madison, etc. I travel.), and I see so many truly messed up people (angry, b*tchy, childish, etc.) in lasting relationships. What do they know about relationships and jumping in there that the rest of us seem to be missing?

Dang, I sound so Sex and the City today (Remember Carrie's column?). But seriously, if I'm so wonderful why am I still single? I hate this expression, but how do people "get in their own way" when it comes to relationships?

Hi Nala,

Actually the more wonderful you are, the more likely you will be alone.

Lets look at a standard distribution.




If you are 3 standard deviations above the mean as a well adjusted wealthy, intelligent and beautiful individual, how many suitable mates are there in 10 square miles? The best aphrodisiac is mediocrity. Being wonderful is not really an indicator of having company. It is much more an adjustment of your standard. Being a 2STD who shops in the 1STD range of the bell curve will never be alone.
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