Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Four months is nothing.
Anyone long term married can tell you sex ebbs and flows.
If a man leaves you 'for sex with someone else' (or a woman for that matter) they are violating their wedding vows.
Agreed. One should NEVER cheat. That IS violating their marriage vows.
However, she ALSO is violating her marriage vows by refusing to have sex with her husband.
He was wrong to cheat. She was wrong to continually rebuff his advances.
If he stopped talking to her for 4 months, and communicated very little with her, say once or twice a month, would it be acceptable for her to cheat on him? No, of course not. But its understandable why she'd be unhappy, regardless of how tired he was from work.
No matter how busy he is and how tired or devoted to providing for his family he is, he needs to find time for his wife. She needs this in order to feel close and cherished by him.
Same thing goes for sex. It doesn't matter how much she does to take care of the family/kids/work. If she doesn't have sex with him, he won't feel loved by her. In fact, he'll describe the situation as starvation.
Sometimes one thing feeds on the other. Who started it?
Sometimes, one partner IS being filled but doesn't give what the other needs anyway. Some women can be completely content romantically but still refuse sex (even without any Sexual Abuse issues) its just not important to them and they can't seem to accept or internalize that it IS extremely important to their partner. - recipe for despair.
Some husbands can be very satisfied in bed but they never pay attention to their wives OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Their wives are dying for affection and attention. They are trying desperately to meet their husbands needs while getting little of their own needs met. - this also is a recipe for despair.
If they're married - she is the SO regardless of sex. He needs to man up and divorce her if he wants to ***** around with other women.
you are correct, he needs to man up, divorce the wife and go for custody of the child. make her pay child support, or they can both seek marriage counseling and try and fix the problems between the both of them.
What a truly insensitive clod that Teddy is. First, they come home together and he takes a shower. he finds her asleep when he comes out and to him that is REFUSING to have sex. GOOD GRIEF, doesn't her being fast asleep indicate she obviously is seriously in need of sleep?
He makes the decision to have sex with another woman, in their bed no less, as payback to her for being tired. What a nice guy. He doesn't make any attempt to find out if she is in a depression or if there are other things wrong; he jumps into being Mr Nasty. I hope she divorces him and takes him for every penny.
you are correct, he needs to man up, divorce the wife and go for custody of the child. make her pay child support, or they can both seek marriage counseling and try and fix the problems between the both of them.
And this would never happen because the courts are biased against men. This is why men with children are stuck in ****ty marriages.
Teddy is a very down-to-Earth man. A diligent attorney. A family man who loves his young child.
Teddy surprisingly begins to vent. His marriage, I find out, has been on the rocks. He has been married for 5 1/2 years and a father for a bit over 2. Funny, but a bit on the "macho" side, and not too sensitive or emotional. Well, so I thought, until this moment.
Teddy confided in me that he and his wife, Sarah, have been having marital issues. Things went well for the first few years of their marriage, but after their kid was born, things went downhill.
Basically, Sarah has stopped being a wife and is now only a mother. She gives him much less attention than she did before.
Teddy told me that he has tried repeatedly to make things better, but he's tired and has now decided to treat her the way she treats him.
He has repeatedly asked her why she has changed. She claims she's always tired - but so is he. She's a nurse and he is a lawyer. So he asked her what he can do to make things easier for her at home. Her answer was for him to help more at home. OK, Teddy said. The dishes, the trash, etc. He began doing a large chunk of the chores.
And yet Sarah continues almost completely uninterested in sex - he had recently gone through a drought that lasted FOUR MONTHS.
He insists that isn't fair, and that he'd be happy with once a week, but she repeats the same excuse: "I'm tired."
The final straw, Teddy said, was on a recent holiday. He and Sarah drove over to his parents' for a family dinner. They had had an excellent time and he was excited and encouraged, so as soon as they got home, he showered and came out to his bedroom... to find Sarah sleeping.
Teddy had it. This hard-nosed, gun-collecting, military-veteran attorney broke down. He stepped outside the bedroom and wept.
The next day, he woke up and started crying again. Sarah asked what was wrong, and he told her. She said, "OK, we have two hours until lunch, when my parents come over." He said, "I'm not in the mood anymore."
He has gotten so sick of her stubbornness and disinterested attitude that he openly committed adultery - something he would never have done - and didn't regret it. He met a girl at a bar, brought her home, and took her to her home the next day. But there was physical evidence of the girl's presence in their bed. Sarah found it and confronted him - and he not only readily admitted it, but he said, "you are never available. Emotionally, physically, you are distant. To you the only thing that matters is our child. You never initiate; you never want to go out; you just have no interest in sex whatsoever. Now, if you want to end it all, fine, because you know what? I'm sick of this sh*t. Your call."
Sarah was so stunned she had nothing to say. She quietly swallowed her pride, and they both put this incident behind them.
He says she never, EVER apologizes, and what kills him is both her lack of interest in sex AND the fact she seems to have no interest or desire to repair the marital relationship. Teddy, for all his pride, is willing to seek marital counseling. But based on what he has told me, Sarah would never seek that on her own initiative. Teddy figures that if he did nothing, things would never change.
Teddy ended it all by saying he will seek marital counseling, but if things do not work out, he will not hesitate to end this marriage.
Now, before you judge him for cheating, I want to ask...
1. What could possibly lead a woman to act this way?
2. I am willing to grant latitude if women say women's bodies change after chidlbirth, but is it normal or even proper for a wife to "starve" her husband because she just "doesn't feel like it?"
3. Is it normal for a married woman to forget being a wife and to just focus all her attention on the child?
4. Married men, if any of you went through something similar, what happened with your marriages?
5. Married women, if YOU were like Sarah, what happened with your marriages?
There is NO acceptable reason to cheat. EVER.
Being a wife and mother is not easy. and with a career on top of it. its enough to drag any woman down. also...a lot of married women who are mothers stop feeling sexy - men seem to think they don't have to romance us once they have us. There's no making out, no dates, we are just slaves who have sex with them. of course sarah didnt want her husband at that point. besides after having a baby our hormones are completely WACKED. not to mention birth control takes its EVIL toll on our bodies. Women are almost forgotten after marriage. We have to take care of everyone and taking care of ourselves is the very last thing of the day...sometimes not even every day.
Should she neglect her husband..no way. but if a woman is depressed and feeling that down, something is wrong...on an emotional level for her. she needs therapy. not in a funny haha women need therapy way.
I haven't read the entire thread, so maybe this has been said. Given the one side of the story, I think Sarah messed up by putting the child first. The spouse should always come first.
So, so many marraiges end in divorce due to that one rule being broken. Either one or the other, or even both, suddenly set aside the spouse once the kid comes along. In doing so, one puts their marraige in a very precarious position.
From just the details given, I'll agree with 11thHour. Some women do in fact throw their personality away when children enter the picture. They use them as a barrier in their marriage. Perhaps they forget they are married to their spouse and not their children.
It seems that the wife was looking for a way out of intimacy. It seems very strange that at no point in 120 plus days there was anytime at all for two married adults to have sex.
What I find ridiculous is that women think it's okay to stop being a wife once she becomes a mother. The two are not mutually exclusive.
I don't agree with him cheating but if she had been a wife as well as a mother it probably wouldn't have happened.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
making it all the more admirable. The ability to see others POV despite it being different from your own
