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My first visit of Relationship thread, and possibly the last one.
Having been in a good marriage for 33 years (to one spouse!), I feel somwhat qualify to comment, here:
Assuming, that everything in the OP is true, then if Sarah was having a problem, she was supposed to communicate it to Teddy, especially since he was trying to be helpful (before he resorted to another woman). Telling him for 4 months "I'm tired" or "I don't feel like it" or otherwise showing her disinterest, is nothing but giving Teddy a BS. The only thing I wouldn't do is to have sex with another woman before I told Sarah: "It's over!" And I wouldn't even wait 4 months under the described circumstances.
Obviously Sarah made Teddy not only a sperm donnor, but very likely also an alimony payer. Why the hell did she get married at the first place... Having frequent sex is important part of marriage, especially if the couple is as young as 32/34 year old, and she must know it.
And yes, she is screwing not only Teddy's but also their child's life (since it looks like they are heading for divorce).
Again, all the above, assuming, that everything in the OP is true.
A woman does change (in a medical sense) after having a child. Many men feel slighted by the attention too. If she is working and taking care of a baby it is exhausting. See the following website about women and changes after childbirth.
Sex after giving birth Written byDr David Delvin, GP and family planning specialist and Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach Will childbirth affect your sex life?
Teddy is a very down-to-Earth man. A diligent attorney. A family man who loves his young child.
Teddy surprisingly begins to vent. His marriage, I find out, has been on the rocks. He has been married for 5 1/2 years and a father for a bit over 2. Funny, but a bit on the "macho" side, and not too sensitive or emotional. Well, so I thought, until this moment.
Teddy confided in me that he and his wife, Sarah, have been having marital issues. Things went well for the first few years of their marriage, but after their kid was born, things went downhill.
Basically, Sarah has stopped being a wife and is now only a mother. She gives him much less attention than she did before.
Teddy told me that he has tried repeatedly to make things better, but he's tired and has now decided to treat her the way she treats him.
He has repeatedly asked her why she has changed. She claims she's always tired - but so is he. She's a nurse and he is a lawyer. So he asked her what he can do to make things easier for her at home. Her answer was for him to help more at home. OK, Teddy said. The dishes, the trash, etc. He began doing a large chunk of the chores.
And yet Sarah continues almost completely uninterested in sex - he had recently gone through a drought that lasted FOUR MONTHS.
He insists that isn't fair, and that he'd be happy with once a week, but she repeats the same excuse: "I'm tired."
The final straw, Teddy said, was on a recent holiday. He and Sarah drove over to his parents' for a family dinner. They had had an excellent time and he was excited and encouraged, so as soon as they got home, he showered and came out to his bedroom... to find Sarah sleeping.
Teddy had it. This hard-nosed, gun-collecting, military-veteran attorney broke down. He stepped outside the bedroom and wept.
The next day, he woke up and started crying again. Sarah asked what was wrong, and he told her. She said, "OK, we have two hours until lunch, when my parents come over." He said, "I'm not in the mood anymore."
He has gotten so sick of her stubbornness and disinterested attitude that he openly committed adultery - something he would never have done - and didn't regret it. He met a girl at a bar, brought her home, and took her to her home the next day. But there was physical evidence of the girl's presence in their bed. Sarah found it and confronted him - and he not only readily admitted it, but he said, "you are never available. Emotionally, physically, you are distant. To you the only thing that matters is our child. You never initiate; you never want to go out; you just have no interest in sex whatsoever. Now, if you want to end it all, fine, because you know what? I'm sick of this sh*t. Your call."
Sarah was so stunned she had nothing to say. She quietly swallowed her pride, and they both put this incident behind them.
He says she never, EVER apologizes, and what kills him is both her lack of interest in sex AND the fact she seems to have no interest or desire to repair the marital relationship. Teddy, for all his pride, is willing to seek marital counseling. But based on what he has told me, Sarah would never seek that on her own initiative. Teddy figures that if he did nothing, things would never change.
Teddy ended it all by saying he will seek marital counseling, but if things do not work out, he will not hesitate to end this marriage.
Now, before you judge him for cheating, I want to ask...
1. What could possibly lead a woman to act this way?
2. I am willing to grant latitude if women say women's bodies change after chidlbirth, but is it normal or even proper for a wife to "starve" her husband because she just "doesn't feel like it?"
3. Is it normal for a married woman to forget being a wife and to just focus all her attention on the child?
4. Married men, if any of you went through something similar, what happened with your marriages?
5. Married women, if YOU were like Sarah, what happened with your marriages?
A marriage is a commitment to be emotionally and physically together. If she can't fulfill that commitement he should end the marriage. Was cheating during the marriage bad? Yes, was it provoked? Yes.
Best route scenario would be to end the marriage amicably sparing the child any major disruptions.
A marriage is a commitment to be emotionally and physically together. If she can't fulfill that commitement he should end the marriage. Was cheating during the marriage bad? Yes, was it provoked? Yes.
Best route scenario would be to end the marriage amicably sparing the child any major disruptions.
Maybe he should look into the matter from a medical perspective ....in this day and age of the internet there is very little excuse of the plea of ignorance. If he was trying that hard this would have been easy to do. See my above post and link..took less than 10 seconds to find a whole bunch of them.
Its a simple concept and goes all the way back to stone age.........if your man is not getting it from you, he is getting it from someone else.
I know this is not the politically correct analogy, but it is factual truth. Just ask any man who is honest. This is why hookers are in such demand and its sad!
Men on the other hand are often clueless as to why their woman is not feeling sexual. Women are complex beings and any man worth his salt should be priviledged to be up for the challenge of meeting a woman's expectations. From the all day foreplay, to the sensual stimulation just before love making. Then there is the act itself. If you stink at the art of making love, most women will only go along for so long. All of it plays into a woman's ability to feel sexual towards you.
Learn what moves the earth for your lady and perfect it. If you can do this, she will be your willing sexual partner for life.
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