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Last night we ran into one of our friends. She would do anything for you, but she's not the most diplomatic person in the world. She was talking to an older woman, someone she's known for years, and the woman was talking about how she had just tried a new hairstyle and wasn't sure if it looked good on her or not.
Our friend told her it did. It kind of went back and forth like that for a minute. Then our friend says, "Honestly, it looks better than it has in years."
I was cringing inside. And the woman kind of paused and looked at our friend. It was almost comical. I felt bad for the woman, but she handled it very graciously and glossed over it.
LOL, do you know someone like this? Not someone who intentionally insults someone, but they just tend to blurt things out or are brutally honest? Have they dished out a particularly stinging backhanded compliment to you?
I have to laugh and raise my hand - I've given out these comments, plus received them. (I'm working on being a better person!)
I've worked in quite a few places where there were women such as this one. I can't remember the particular comments, but I do remember that I avoided them like the plague after several repeated incidents to me and to others. And it seems like a personal chemistry thing, because other people (for some reason) seem to like these women!
A few men do it too, but not as often as the women do. Seems to be a female trait, in my experience.
I have to laugh and raise my hand - I've given out these comments, plus received them. (I'm working on being a better person!)
I've worked in quite a few places where there were women such as this one. I can't remember the particular comments, but I do remember that I avoided them like the plague after several repeated incidents to me and to others. And it seems like a personal chemistry thing, because other people (for some reason) seem to like these women!
A few men do it too, but not as often as the women do. Seems to be a female trait, in my experience.
Ugh!
I know, it doesn't seem to bother anyone else! Guess I'm too sensitive.
I think all of us have put our foot in our mouth at one time or another, but she's pretty consistent.
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only time I get to take a couple lumps from something like this is when my SO will change up the hair or something, perhaps a make-up thing and then ask me what do you think? or do you like it?
Well I have to say once in a while thank god my answer is genuine and yes and sometimes I still remain honest and tell her that I liked the other way better nice but I liked it better the other way
only time I get to take a couple lumps from something like this is when my SO will change up the hair or something, perhaps a make-up thing and then ask me what do you think? or do you like it?
Well I have to say once in a while thank god my answer is genuine and yes and sometimes I still remain honest and tell her that I liked the other way better nice but I liked it better the other way
I think that's okay. If I ask my SO, I really DO want an honest opinion, because I don't want to go out in public looking like a fool!
In the case of my friend, I think it was just the extremity of the comment, "hasn't looked this good IN YEARS!" LOL.
I know, it doesn't seem to bother anyone else! Guess I'm too sensitive.
I think all of us have put our foot in our mouth at one time or another, but she's pretty consistent.
Maybe you just see it faster than everyone else?
It's good to "weed" these people out sooner than later, and get them out of the way...let others discover what you found out previously... Then you're on to happier times with other people...I swear, that is how it works.
It's good to "weed" these people out sooner than later, and get them out of the way...let others discover what you found out previously... Then you're on to happier times with other people...I swear, that is how it works.
Well, as I said, I really don't think she's trying to hurt anybody, believe it or not, although it does bring up the old saying, "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" But I agree with you, I just don't associate with "poisonous" people, or whatever you want to call them. The only ones I haven't managed to wriggle out of seeing, now, are certain in-laws.
Well, as I said, I really don't think she's trying to hurt anybody, believe it or not, although it does bring up the old saying, "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" But I agree with you, I just don't associate with "poisonous" people, or whatever you want to call them. The only ones I haven't managed to wriggle out of seeing, now, are certain in-laws.
I hear you about the in-laws!
I just think from experience, these backhanded complimenters play the dumb card when it comes to,"Oh, did I hurt your little feelings?" Yet, they keep on doing it and doing it and doing it...
Then there's that saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...
Depending on what atmosphere you're in, you try and keep away from these folks or manage a safe distance.
But I think some of them know exactly what they're doing and if somebody gets hurt in the process, they whip out the innocent card and bat their eyes accordingly. Again from a woman's experience. A man may tell you differently.
We have a LOT of animated discussions in my family over this very same subject. The men in my family don't think the woman is doing any harm. My mother and I take the other road in this.
Last night we ran into one of our friends. She would do anything for you, but she's not the most diplomatic person in the world. She was talking to an older woman, someone she's known for years, and the woman was talking about how she had just tried a new hairstyle and wasn't sure if it looked good on her or not.
Our friend told her it did. It kind of went back and forth like that for a minute. Then our friend says, "Honestly, it looks better than it has in years."
I was cringing inside. And the woman kind of paused and looked at our friend. It was almost comical. I felt bad for the woman, but she handled it very graciously and glossed over it.
LOL, do you know someone like this? Not someone who intentionally insults someone, but they just tend to blurt things out or are brutally honest? Have they dished out a particularly stinging backhanded compliment to you?
"If it works for you..."
"If you like that sort of thing..."
Are these the kind of comments you mean? I once told a girlfriend that her hair looked alright--in a Kajagoogoo/Flock of Seagulls kinda way (New Wave bands).
I've often told people, "You're okay, I don't care what (insert someone's name here) says about you." Sometimes they ask me what was said about them. I can then honestly say, "If I don't care, how would I know?"
I just think from experience, these backhanded complimenters play the dumb card when it comes to,"Oh, did I hurt your little feelings?" Yet, they keep on doing it and doing it and doing it...
Then there's that saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...
Depending on what atmosphere you're in, you try and keep away from these folks or manage a safe distance.
But I think some of them know exactly what they're doing and if somebody gets hurt in the process, they whip out the innocent card and bat their eyes accordingly. Again from a woman's experience. A man may tell you differently.
We have a LOT of animated discussions in my family over this very same subject. The men in my family don't think the woman is doing any harm. My mother and I take the other road in this.
It's a gender thing, I think.
I think to some degree it is a gender thing. Men aren't so penalized for being more direct. Its a "man" thing to be strong and somewhat aggressive. I think woman are taught to be more "subtle" and not to be so "manly".
JMHO of course.
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