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Old 12-28-2009, 12:52 PM
 
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When i was young, i met my "baby momma", i mean i thought she was cute and all, but it wasnt no love at first sight thing. My mom moved me to a new high school, and thats where we met.[i was 16] We went out like 3 times, and it quickly got "physical". She was way more advanced than me. I was really "green" and she wasnt. We dated in the month of june, and all the month we had relations. In july we broke up, and i went on my merry way! One of the times, i didnt have a condomn, and i told her that we couldnt, she was like just do it, who cares, and like a dumbass, i obliged. After having unprotected sex almost everyday for like a month and a half, she ended up getting pregnant. In August she called me and told me, she was pregnant, at this point i kind of expected it, so we got back together, and decided to try to build a life together. We only knew each other for a total of a month and a half, so we hardly knew each other. I ended up asking her to marry me, because i always thought that was my priority, i figured if i got her pregnant, it was my resposibility to marry her, i loved her but i wasnt in love w her, after a rocky 9 years, we ended up getting divorced [shes ended up cheating] stating that i neved paid attention to her, which i admit, probably i didnt. My lil cousin is in the same situation now, and hes goign to marry his girl too, we all tell him to wait, but her parents are kinda pushing it Has any of you, gotten married out of priority and not necessarily love?
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Old 12-28-2009, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
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I did love the woman I married at one time. I felt obligated to her, though, when we got married. I felt pity for her.
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Old 12-28-2009, 01:05 PM
 
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No, but in the past, men were expected to stick around which meant marry the mother and be there to support their children.

It's better to marry in my opinion, it makes for better bonding with the child and at that point it's the child that matters. Of course it's better to think about it all ahead of time, but biology has always "happened", it happened 100, 200 years ago, and the babies have planned many of the marriage engagements as long as there have been marriages. A lot of marriages don't make it with or without a child in the picture, but at least it was given a chance.
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Old 12-28-2009, 02:02 PM
 
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getting married because you get somebody pregnant is the worst reason in the world to get married
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Old 12-28-2009, 02:05 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
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OP you got married when you were 16?
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Old 12-28-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sophialee View Post
OP you got married when you were 16?
No i got married when i was 20, i wanted to have another baby, but i felt that i wouldnt be my childs "true dad" if i wasnt married to his mom, i felt it was my obligation to marry her because she had given birth to my children, my daughter was born when i was 17. I think alot of it had to do, with me being hispanic, thats the mentality of the older folks, that if you get the woman preganant, you have to marry her.
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Old 12-28-2009, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
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The Hispanics have shotgun weddings too?!
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Old 12-30-2009, 01:13 AM
 
4,837 posts, read 8,351,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LEVOW View Post
[GENTLEMEN] Did any of you get married out of priority and not love?
Whose priority? What priority?

His? Hers? Parents? Church? Neighbors? The welfare office?

Are you talking about societal pressure or a sense of obligation?

Were either abortion or adoption considered?

What about the priority to get an education and build a career?

Priority doesn't seem like the correct choice of word. Knee jerk reaction or caving in to pressure, might better describe it or perhaps making such a decision based on local tradition.
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Old 12-30-2009, 07:46 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 20,973,703 times
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Yet another reason to 1) always use protection 2) wait until you LOVE someone enough so they will hopefully stick around.

Animals do it with everyone...people need self control.

I don't get these stupid young people 'having babies' these days. My niece and nephew (in their early 20s) both have babies and are not married. My niece 'did it' with some scumbag who already has several 'babymamas' and kids running around from NY to Florida. To him (with his culture) it is a mark of honor to have 'many babies' with many women (not being racist, you do the adding up).

She is now struggling and unhappy. I hope she finds a nice man but with her self esteem issues, she is going to keep chasing the same 'useless' sort of guy she's liked since she was a kid (again, not being racist, just realistic). We can only wish she doesn't wind up with any more little ones till she is ready.

My nephew and his 'long term' g/f also have a little baby. He has NO job, they live with HER parents and he's got (from what I hear) a drug problem. Great.

Girls and guys can get condoms and the pill easily. Why would you WANT a baby when you are a kid yourself???

I don't agree with marrying someone out of duty nor do I think 'do it' with anyone unless you are able to care for a child or using several forms of 'protection.'

In all these pseudo-relationships I feel sorry for the kids.

Off the soap box.
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:18 AM
 
2,057 posts, read 3,858,619 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LEVOW View Post
No i got married when i was 20, i wanted to have another baby, but i felt that i wouldnt be my childs "true dad" if i wasnt married to his mom, i felt it was my obligation to marry her because she had given birth to my children, my daughter was born when i was 17. I think alot of it had to do, with me being hispanic, thats the mentality of the older folks, that if you get the woman preganant, you have to marry her.
Being that you are hispanic I want to ask a question about the hispanic culture...Is it true that most women do not use birth control even if offered and prefer natural rhythm methods? Just curious..I see so many young hispanic women with LOTS of young ones before they are even 20.
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