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You know what? Just go and divorce. You don't love him. Good luck finding a knight in shining armour at age 45 and 4 kids....they usually want 18 and flawless.
Even if that were the case, better alone than terminally bored.
Your more educated and have different interest. The same thing that often doesn't really attract the same type man when he ages some. That is the reason there are not bars and places that give young single men free drinks.
When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.
But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.
We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.
What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)
wow there are some majorly judgmental people in this thread. The OP's problem doesn't seem too unique..over time her and her husband have grown apart--isn't this the basis of many divorces? She doesn't come off as a "snob", she's grown--he hasn't. If the OP can't connect with him intellectually, emotionally etc she sounds like shes stuck in a dead marriage.
I personally can relate as I can't be in a relationship with a guy who can't intellectually stimulate me, can't see why a marriage would be any different
I don't think you are a snob. I know exactly how you feel. You only have two choices, stick it out or leave. It's not likely you will allow each other to lead separate social lives, but some couples go that direction rather than divorcing. "Staying for the kids" could be foolish, depending on the kids ages, but divorce is not always an answer to one's problems, it just creates a different set of problems. Can you afford to operate two separate households? Sometimes the 'bored' feeling you mention comes for looking over the fence and seeing what appears to be greener pastures. On the other hand, when you get older and look back, you will wonder where all the years went. Time flies whether you are having fun or not, and you only live once. If I were in your shoes, I know exactly what I would do, but it might not be what you would want to do.
I didn't read through all 26 pages of this thread so what I'm going to say may already have been said. Your situation is not uncommon and I don't know that there is a solution that will make everyone happy. If you separate, this will likely be a big blow to your children and may cause problems for them. If you stay, you are staying in a marriage that is not satisfactory to either of you. Since there is no possibility you and your husband will ever be in the same ballpark again, I suppose the best thing might be to either agree to remain together but live separate lives or else just put up with the situation until your children are grown and more able to handle their parents divorcing. I imagine you may feel that waiting until all children are grown and into adulthood will see you way, way "over the hill" but I do feel that their needs should be a major factor to be considered. Good luck with whatever you decide.
To those married people who no longer have any thing in common but stay together for financial reasons and for the kids, how is your sex life and romance? I would think it would be poor because you are only in the marriage for practical purposes not for attraction. So if the romance department is poor how do you take care of your sexual needs in a marriage like this?
wow there are some majorly judgmental people in this thread. The OP's problem doesn't seem too unique..over time her and her husband have grown apart--isn't this the basis of many divorces? She doesn't come off as a "snob", she's grown--he hasn't. If the OP can't connect with him intellectually, emotionally etc she sounds like shes stuck in a dead marriage.
I personally can relate as I can't be in a relationship with a guy who can't intellectually stimulate me, can't see why a marriage would be any different
I don't think many here have said the OP is a snob.
but it seems she has changed and evolved and thus her needs/outlook have also. she needs to determine for herself what she wants/needs out of life.
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