Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Nope whole other subject for another thread. We are answering the OP's post. If it were a man posting I believe I would answer the exact same way as I did here.
I can understand you WCW. Over these years you grew in different directions. It is very sad.. It is a blessing when a couple grows together and after years being married still enjoy talking to each other, spending time together. Everyone deserves to find a soulmate. I am much younger than you and I haven't been married to my ex for 24 years, but I had the same feelings. I never thought I was better than him / above him, we just became very different to the point that we were just coexisting. I had my goals, plans, friends, he had his own. that is not the way a married couple should live. You have 4 kids and that makes thing more complicative.. I feel sorry for you.. i hope you will find the answer to this problem..
When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.
But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.
We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.
What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)
You owe him big time financially (I'm sure he supported you all the way). Are you going to pay him alimony?
What does he enjoy? Do you even know? How do you support him and join him in those activities? Have you all tried doing something new together? Gone on a nice vacation since you make all those bucks now?
You only think you've passed him by. Go back and see where you got off track.
You are a snob. If you think someone better is around for the taking, think again. They aren't going to want you, because they know you have the same background and roots as your husband and they are just as shallow (if not more so) than you are!
I can see their future post, "she's an attorney in a small town, does nothing exciting--just wills and divorces, we have nothing in common..."
When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.
But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.
We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.
What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)
Yours is not such an uncommon problem, but a very painful one. I am sure you still love each other, but you are living together as room mates and have nothing left in common except for your children. You have simply outgrown each other - it happens all too often.
You do not sound like a snob and anyone who would think so is out of touch.
You both have to determine what is the best course of action. Many people in similar situations wait until the children are in high school. You have much to consider but to continue a life that you are now in is no life.
Actually during our marriage I have made about 75% of our combined income and I do not owe him anything financially. If we divorced, it would hurt me financially much more than him.
He has made no effort to become more intellectual in his interests but I have agreed to attend events that match his interests like bowling and NASCAR.
Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42
You owe him big time financially (I'm sure he supported you all the way). Are you going to pay him alimony?
What does he enjoy? Do you even know? How do you support him and join him in those activities? Have you all tried doing something new together? Gone on a nice vacation since you make all those bucks now?
You only think you've passed him by. Go back and see where you got off track.
You are a snob. If you think someone better is around for the taking, think again. They aren't going to want you, because they know you have the same background and roots as your husband and they are just as shallow (if not more so) than you are!
I can see their future post, "she's an attorney in a small town, does nothing exciting--just wills and divorces, we have nothing in common..."
Last edited by White Collar Worker; 12-29-2009 at 10:37 AM..
Actually during our marriage I have made about 75% of our combined income and I do not owe him anything financially. We we divorced it would hurt me financially much more than him.
He has made no effort to become more intellectual in his interests but I have agreed to attend events that match his interests like bowling and NASCAR.
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,489 posts, read 7,181,213 times
Reputation: 29855
This may have been said as I did not read all the responses but the value of what he has given you and what you have, other people would die for.
You should be grateful I would think. Sorry just my opinion
To the OP: Leave already. I'm sure that you'll both be happier based on how you've described the current state of your relationship.
You married in your teens, are 40 but your kids are too young? How old where you guys when you finally decided to have kids? If they're in their teens, I'm sure that they can handle it.
As for everyone talking about honoring your vows it has to be understood that there are always points in our lives when we have to choose whether or not we want to keep the promises that we made. "For better or worse" is much easier said than done. For example: how many of us throw away that vow as soon as the "foresaking all others" vow is broken. Hell, how many of us trully mean the "foresaking all others" part of our vows to begin with? I don't know too many people who are willing to give up their families for their spouses, for example, but that's implied in that portion of the vows.
Why is it okay to leave when someone has cheated but not okay to realize that you are no longer compatible with your spouse and then leave? Shouldn't they stop wasting each other's time so that they can each have the chance at finding their true mate?
It sounds like the two of you have grown apart. You can't make him be more intellectual or care about the things you care about. I rarely say that things can't be fixed, but this is one of those cases. I think you need to part ways
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think you are a troll in more ways than one!
