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Old 12-31-2009, 03:01 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,436,302 times
Reputation: 565

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All these pathetic overgeneralizations about Black women... Repub and Ron, esp., it might be time to examine the type of Black woman you have been attracted to in your lives. The deciding factor is always you, your own taste, your own patterns--which are of course hard to detect if you are unwilling to open your eyes and be honest with yourselves.

As a Black woman, I have seen some of what you have described--some--but in no way do these derogatory descriptions fit all Black women. They certainly do not fit me and my Black women friends. I would never ask a man to pay my bills for me, for instance. What an appalling idea. I am much too independent for that. I could say more. But my main point here is so true that it is almost a cliche. You have to stop trying to buy oranges from the hardware store. Where are you finding the kind of women you have described here? It comes back to you.
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Old 12-31-2009, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Transition Island
1,679 posts, read 2,535,013 times
Reputation: 721
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron. View Post
Funny you mention that...in my experience, black women are the first and only women to ask me to help pay bills.

I find it laughable because they'll have children and EXPECT me to help them out but will not hold the father accountable.


Even with the dating sites, hands down the black women(NOT ALL) are the only group that responds to me asking for money for services or a pay for sex type of relationship.

The really burns me up.


For a black guy like myself, dating black women is an up hill battle.



Ron
I am sorry to hear that your experiences have not been to your liking Ron and that these unfortunate events have only occurred with black women thus far. To not require money from the natural father, yet expect for it to come from an outsider is quite disturbing to me.

I also know that all races of women will ask for money and that it is not only black women that do it. My pride gets in the way of asking anyone for anything, and I have taken a few falls for that because I will not request help even at times when I could have used it. This is once again due to my independence. I can honestly say that I had a wonderful father who was always supportive and giving and taught me how to be independent in addition to having impeccable work ethics, so although I was very accustomed to having a father take care of me very well while growing up whom I consider a very good man, he also taught all his children to be self-sufficient as well. When getting married he ensured me that my husband would be a good provider and that I too should contribute to the household, but that my husband should be the sole bread winner and this was old school thinking, but it still applies today for some women and what they desire.

Some women still want to be cared for and not work or not contribute their money to the household due to their belief that the man should be the one that pays all the bills. Then you have those women who are taking care of men, and of course you have many more that have shared responsibilities with their mate. It may be wise for you to let a woman know immediately that you are not one who will contribute or offer your money to her for any of her needs or wants and then she can determine whether she would like to continue or even begin having a relationship with you.
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Old 12-31-2009, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Transition Island
1,679 posts, read 2,535,013 times
Reputation: 721
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
My experiences with Black women have been very limited but it seems like many expect a man to have all this materialistic crap like brand new car, nice place, jewelry, in addition to paying their bills. With the way economy is and the fact that unemployment is even higher among African Americans, if I was a Black man, I would feel so freaking pressured to have all this material crap just to impress or have a chance with a Black woman that many not even be that good of a person. I hate when they use the term "broke ass", I think it sounds so stupid. I can understand why some Black dudes may just want to go with a simpler White woman.
I hope that you all are speaking of the minority black women that you have met. There is nothing wrong with a woman who requires a man who too can contribute to the household. What woman wants a man around who is not contributing something? Why are black women always accused of being the gold diggers? There are plenty of black women available that do not require or expect all these fancy things that you speak about. There are plain ole content women like myself who are happy with the basic needs being met and nothing more, but I am a rarity and this I have been told numerous times. Hopeless romantic I am, so unfortunately we usually wind up being alone yet we do not desire all these material things you all speak to regarding about what women want. My Dad did it so well that I do not have a need for a man to duplicate him, although most people would say that girls usually search or desire to have relationship with someone like their father. I was never needy, so I was never looking for a DADDY, but through my marriage and now being single I have discovered the balance that I need to be comfortable for any future relationships that I may be involved in. Instead of "broke ass" they may want to say a man with very little means to support me, us, or even himself!!!

Now who wants to be with a man who cannot provide anything ? If everyone would stop living among their needs, couples would not have these financial and materialistic issues. Keep it basic and save for a rainy day and retirement and your future outlook should be bright!!! On the other hand if you have a lucrative income spend cash for most things and stay away from the plastic!! Now where is that GOOD BLACK MAN WHO CAN CONTRIBUTE TO OUR BASIC NEEDS??
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Old 12-31-2009, 10:45 AM
 
Location: An overgrown 350K person suburb of Saint Paul
383 posts, read 897,426 times
Reputation: 248
Quote:
As a Black woman, I have seen some of what you have described--some--but in no way do these derogatory descriptions fit all Black women. They certainly do not fit me and my Black women friends. I would never ask a man to pay my bills for me, for instance. What an appalling idea. I am much too independent for that. I could say more. But my main point here is so true that it is almost a cliche. You have to stop trying to buy oranges from the hardware store. Where are you finding the kind of women you have described here? It comes back to you.
I'll provide you the plentyoffish.com profiles of 100 black women in 20 major American metro areas and we'll probably get only a 10% positive result for the black women you described. I'm not making a stereotype, I'm making an observation. Black American women are afraid to not "act black". I'll even do the research tomorrow night.
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Old 12-31-2009, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,436,302 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdRedRain View Post
I'll provide you the plentyoffish.com profiles of 100 black women in 20 major American metro areas and we'll probably get only a 10% positive result for the black women you described. I'm not making a stereotype, I'm making an observation. Black American women are afraid to not "act black". I'll even do the research tomorrow night.
If that statistic is true (even if it is only true for the plentyoffish sample), then why not set your sites on that 10% of Black women who do not fit the stereotype? In other words, it's not about the numbers. In love, as in any area of life, it is best to focus on what you are looking for instead of focusing on what you do not want and then deciding that what you want does not exist. Another question to consider is this: Are you the kind of person the woman you desire would want as a partner? We all have to ask ourselves these questions--in our love lives, our career lives, etc.. Focus on what works, what we want, etc., instead of magnifying what we do not want.
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Old 12-31-2009, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Transition Island
1,679 posts, read 2,535,013 times
Reputation: 721
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdRedRain View Post
I'll provide you the plentyoffish.com profiles of 100 black women in 20 major American metro areas and we'll probably get only a 10% positive result for the black women you described. I'm not making a stereotype, I'm making an observation. Black American women are afraid to not "act black". I'll even do the research tomorrow night.
Well here is another one of our trusty relationship, black family, community, etc. GURU's on You Tube. Gotta love him, he is hilarious but much truth is given and I too as a man would avoid this black woman he speaks about, but ladies he has one on the black males too. Maybe many of the black guys are meeting this kind of black woman.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyPZF...layer_embedded
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:53 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,376,807 times
Reputation: 1514
If black women are happy being unmarried, this may not be a problem. If they are unhappy I would offer them the same advice I would give to white women:

1) Don't have sex outside of a committed (married or at least engaged relationship).
2) Don't have kids out of wedlock, especially with men who have no intention of supporting them.

Most of the women I know who cry about being single have given undeserving men sex, meals, free housing and everything else one could want without the benefit of a commitment. The men in turn have no reason to step up to the plate and make a commitment.
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Transition Island
1,679 posts, read 2,535,013 times
Reputation: 721
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
If black women are happy being unmarried, this may not be a problem. If they are unhappy I would offer them the same advice I would give to white women:

1) Don't have sex outside of a committed (married or at least engaged relationship).
2) Don't have kids out of wedlock, especially with men who have no intention of supporting them.

Most of the women I know who cry about being single have given undeserving men sex, meals, free housing and everything else one could want without the benefit of a commitment. The men in turn have no reason to step up to the plate and make a commitment.
This is what I try to teach to our young girls, but until one of the generations puts this wisdom to use for their overall advantage this current way of life will still be considered the norm for the black community. If they could at least start on the second one, that would send a strong message to black men.
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Old 12-31-2009, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Toledo
3,860 posts, read 8,430,934 times
Reputation: 3732
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
My experiences with Black women have been very limited but it seems like many expect a man to have all this materialistic crap like brand new car, nice place, jewelry, in addition to paying their bills. With the way economy is and the fact that unemployment is even higher among African Americans, if I was a Black man, I would feel so freaking pressured to have all this material crap just to impress or have a chance with a Black woman that many not even be that good of a person. I hate when they use the term "broke ass", I think it sounds so stupid. I can understand why some Black dudes may just want to go with a simpler White woman.
Yes your experience is very limited because I've seen plenty of black women with men who can't even ‎support themselves. ‎

I don't expect a man to have all of that materialistic crap. In fact, I consider flashiness a negative trait ‎and a complete waste of money. I do however prefer men that are more frugal and are able to support themselves ‎financially. I'm understanding of men who recently lost their jobs, but I can't deal with the chronically ‎unemployed men. And let's be real, these types do exist amongst black men. No one ‎should feel obligated to go into a relationship with someone who can't pull their weight.‎

But hey what do I know? Maybe I should just drop my standards and accept any man that comes ‎along. I guess I should be glad that I'm getting any attention at all, being that us black women are sooo ‎undesirable.
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Old 12-31-2009, 01:53 PM
 
Location: 20 years from now
6,453 posts, read 6,980,710 times
Reputation: 4658
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
I think women, in general, are realizing that they can support themselves, and no they don't need a guy who is 'a loser', they want someone with substance and morality. This is not just limited to 'educated' Black women but across the board. With more women earning good money, they don't NEED someone to support them or their futures. They don't HAVE to settle for 'someone' because society says "YOU NEED A MAN."

I do not have first hand knowledge of 'black culture' despite being from NY originally. I am from the very segregated suburbs of Long Island and the only Black people I knew personally I worked with. The other was a girl I was friends with in middle school and when I knew her (8th grade I think) she was going to be a lawyer when 'we grew up.'

What I don't understand is why all these successful Black men (or not so) think the epitome of 'success' is getting a White woman....(Tiger Woods, Kofe Annin, OJ) to name a few. When I was in college, all the 'basketball players' constantly hit on the White girls (myself included). I was not interested and this one guy took it very personally.

Again, it was probably not about 'color' but the fact he was more of a thug type than a "Denziel Washington" guy!

So--back to the topic...
Why this hate of Black women? Why this hate of your own culture?
Race isn't always enmeshed in cultural compatibility. Whether people believe it or not, there are many layers within African American culture itself which are normally separted by class, education and socio-economics. That being said, some blacks who are traditionally middle class (i.e. two parent household, suburbs blah blah blah) may find that they have more in common with whites who are middle class with the same values as opposed to blacks who are 'lower class'. Same can be said of whites who are middle class as well. The big difference is that there are enough whites within the middle class strata to off set any need to wander from ones own culture. Blacks on the otherhand generally do not have that luxury. However, from what I've seen poorer whites generally come off as more compatable with poorer blacks than they do with other middle class whites (think Eminem) and those pairing seem to be more frewquent for freindships and relationships.

I agree with much of what you initially said though, but just had to say something about your last reference.

Last edited by itshim; 12-31-2009 at 02:14 PM..
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