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Old 12-30-2009, 02:08 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,077 posts, read 28,436,574 times
Reputation: 18184

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
There has been lots of interesting conversation on this board about what it means to be a good husband or wife. And when someone should consider divorcing their spouse.

One of the main conflict points of many married couples is frequency of sex. In another post I told everyone I really do not have much of a sex drive and have always felt that the act of having sex was kind of ugly, dirty and unpleasant. It does not have anything to do with my wife, who is just wonderful, my feelings about sex would be the same no matter who I was married to.

I am sure my wife is telling her friends about our unsatisfactory sex life and they are telling her to demand more sex from her husband (me). They are probably saying that it is a husband's role to keep his wife happy sexually and romantically. But is that really the case?

Does a husband have a ethical and moral obligation in a marriage to have a sexual relationship? Just like his obligation of: being a good father, provider and communicator. (Remember, we can not fake interest like a woman can)
Larry's got your role covered.......
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:43 PM
 
195 posts, read 291,639 times
Reputation: 108
Because of my lack of interest in the actual sex act I have gone to a few doctors and shrinks to talk about it and they say that lack of interest is usually part of a larger problem but of course they could not figure out what it was because I am not depressed and my health is good. I can not force my self to be sexually interested and enjoy it and perform just like another person can not change their aggressive sexual needs.

I still believe the act of having sex is dirty and messy. I just do not like it.
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:48 PM
 
Location: 2nd state in the union...
2,382 posts, read 4,577,398 times
Reputation: 1616
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
Because of my lack of interest in the actual sex act I have gone to a few doctors and shrinks to talk about it and they say that lack of interest is usually part of a larger problem but of course they could not figure out what it was because I am not depressed and my health is good. I can not force my self to be sexually interested and enjoy it and perform just like another person can not change their aggressive sexual needs.

I still believe the act of having sex is dirty and messy. I just do not like it.
Perhaps the larger problem is multiple personality disorder? Maybe you're not interested but one of your other personas is....
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,512,484 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
From your name and feelings on it OP you could be depressed and just feeling that way. You don't have to be a maniac but you should not feel shameful/dirty feelings. I would talk to a therapist about that. Whatever is causing that in your life will bleed into other areas too.

Everyone has different drives. I think its idiotic to think you can order it up like its a sandwich or something. Thats insane and cheapens the whole deal. If whoever wants some they should DO something themselves to get the party started to speak. Adults have an obligation to grow up and accept that they are not always going to be satisfied with every little thing all the time.

Sex and intimacy in a marriage is not a "little thing."
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:07 PM
 
Location: N. CA
127 posts, read 310,970 times
Reputation: 194
Quote:
Originally Posted by yayoi View Post
Did you reveal this information to your wife before you got married Dingler/WT? No one in their right mind would get married solely for sex, but it is an important aspect of marital companionship and love for many people.
I was wondering that also. Did you tell your wife your feelings about sex before you married? If not, I think that's horrible!
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Way up high
22,182 posts, read 29,135,431 times
Reputation: 31216
I'm going to say that just because two people sleep in different rooms due to snoring, it doesn't mean a thing..I did this with my bf who was 6' and 300lbs. I couldn't take the snoring as I"m a light sleeper. Our sex life was fine when we had it..

As far as being obligated, if you don't want your partner cheating on you, then yes you are. I personally couldn't imagine being in a sexless marriage or relationship (hence why I'm single now) Sex may not be the biggest thing in a marriage or relationship but its definately up there..
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:27 PM
 
19,360 posts, read 12,012,138 times
Reputation: 26091
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
Sex and intimacy in a marriage is not a "little thing."
Neither is communication but lots of people get away with failing at it, citing that they are not skilled in that area. And that's the end of it.
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Tulsa
2,529 posts, read 4,334,278 times
Reputation: 553
In your situation it all boils down to, did your wife know, before she married you, that you think sex is dirty and you don't like it?

You haven't answered this, although it's been asked a few times.
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,512,484 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Neither is communication but lots of people get away with failing at it, citing that they are not skilled in that area. And that's the end of it.

My only point is aimed at those (mostly women) who feel that any man who places an emphasis on sex and feels bad because of a lack of it is in the wrong. Sex is an integral part of a marriage, and if one partner is lacking and the other does not care, it can lead to a gradual worsening and ultimate breakup.
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,625 posts, read 34,077,569 times
Reputation: 76590
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
My only point is aimed at those (mostly women) who feel that any man who places an emphasis on sex and feels bad because of a lack of it is in the wrong. Sex is an integral part of a marriage, and if one partner is lacking and the other does not care, it can lead to a gradual worsening and ultimate breakup.
Think about it this way: there have been dozens of threads where men have complained that women nagging them about expectations or household chores or whatever is unattractive and makes them less likely to fulfill the tasks asked of them. Why would men nagging women for sex get a different response?
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