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If I was being forced or with somebody who was that inconsiderate about physical pain I was experiencing.......I would leave the relationship. That's not love IMO.........
I agree. That is not love. It could never be love.
He's still emailing with professions of undying romantic love. I just snort and hit Delete.
As to the thread title. I don't think a spouse owes each other anything. Whatever the nature of their marriage is, it needs to be worked out between the spouses.
As to the thread title. I don't think a spouse owes each other anything. Whatever the nature of their marriage is, it needs to be worked out between the spouses.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,581,461 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
I agree. That is not love. It could never be love.
He's still emailing with professions of undying romantic love. I just snort and hit Delete.
I would recommend you block him & maybe get some therapy......hugs.....
Any relationship that people think we "owe" sex to anybody.........is just wrong IMO......
BUT....in a healthy relationship we WANT to have sex..........because the idea is to make each other feel good & to show our love. You can tell right away in a relationship IMO........if it's that or something else.......by talking openly about it......so important!!
I would recommend you block him & maybe get some therapy......hugs.....
Any relationship that people think we "owe" sex to anybody.........is just wrong IMO......
BUT....in a healthy relationship we WANT to have sex..........because the idea is to make each other feel good & to show our love. You can tell right away in a relationship IMO........if it's that or something else.......by talking openly about it......so important!!
I still vividly remember reading one guy complaining that his wife, who had the flu, didn't want to have sex with him. Couldn't she at least give him a BJ, he asked? It came out that their sex life wasn't lacking in general, she was just sick. What kind of person do you have to be to be that selflish and tone deaf? What kind of person wants to have sex with someone who would obviously be suffering through it? Not every urge you have needds to be satisfied.
Well and too, what urge are we talking about here? If it's just an urge to get off, you can really do that yourself. One thing I think causes problems in marriages, is when the only kind of physical affection they are doing together, is intercourse. Sometimes one partner might think that any time their spouse is near or touching them, it's time to hop on for a ride, and that's not a good thing. Because if you have a much broader spectrum of ways you show one another physical affection, then even if you are sick, exhausted, injured, stressed (and when I say stressed, remember I'm referring to both men and women, because most cases of ED have psychological components!)... Whatever is going on, you should still be able to engage in loving touch. When people talk about a dead "sex life" I often wonder...do they at least snuggle and caress one another? Do they still kiss with passion? Do they do the other stuff? Does it always HAVE to culminate in intercourse, or is there more for them? And if we're trying to have a life-long relationship, it's reasonable to expect things to change with age, for one or both of us...if we're still connected and affectionate, then even if for some reason the equipment doesn't quite work like it used to, we can still fulfill a lot of needs with touch and stimulation.
It's a thing I love about my partner, he appreciates the rest, and what we do doesn't always follow a set pattern of first this, then that, OK he's done and it's over... Sometimes we just lazily lay around and touch each other, just because it feels nice. Scratch each other's backs. Snuggle. Some nights one of us pleases the other, and only that. It's whatever we feel like and there's plenty on the menu. When men complain about a lack of sex, I wonder if they are also touch starved. When women complain about a lack of sex, I often wonder if they are lacking validation of being desirable to their partner. There's actually a whole lot of stuff going on when you unpack the matter a bit.
Oh and if I have a cold or flu? LOL my guy is like, "I love you, but please stay away from me, I don't want to get sick, too." Goes and munches on zinc tablets. We still spend time together, watch shows and movies, but we're not all over one another like normal.
A ladyfriend who I've been close to for roughly 5 or so years has two kids under ten, been married about 10 years and together with her husband for 15+, and said the only time she has had even a break of 2+ days is after the birth of their two kids. He is that focused on it she does it just so he drops it, even when she is exhausted or sick or whatever. Eventually she'll snap, I think. I really don't like him. At all.
While not that extreme, I have friends who subscribed to that "never deny them their needs", thinking that it will prevent their spouse from straying... it's sadly ironic how many of them cheat anyway . It's not about needing sex and intimacy at that point; it's about feeling entitled to an arbitrary sex quota.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginge McFantaPants
While not that extreme, I have friends who subscribed to that "never deny them their needs", thinking that it will prevent their spouse from straying... it's sadly ironic how many of them cheat anyway . It's not about needing sex and intimacy at that point; it's about feeling entitled to an arbitrary sex quota.
I'm sure, but that's not the case in that situation, they aren't monogamous.
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