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For his height small framed should be at 140-148 for medium frame 145-157 for large frame 152-172. He's 30 lbs above where even a large framed guy should be! Now, all of that is fine for a friend. Not necessarily for the dating scene.
Many guys don't see anything wrong with their own weight gain until their belly is at the 9 month stage. That's why we have such a high rate of obesity. However, when evaluating a potential mate they become more exacting and may think of how that person will look 20-30 years down the road. I think most guys on C-D prefer a woman not go past what's healthy for their height and weight. There are whole threads extolling the virtues of thinness in women over fatness or obesity. Women think about these things as well so some of the women who might have been attracted are being turned off by the extra weight. He mentioned putting on weight he wanted to take off. I didn't pull his stats or self evaluation out of the sky. Also, it's ironic that he's worked up into a snit toward me and/or my post when I never said I have a problem with his proportions. I don't. I've dated thicker dudes. I've dated dudes his height. But I also know that many women don't want baldies or fatties.
Fat is fat.
Read that post and tell me where the denial begins and ends. Let's say for arguement he is muscular. He's also said he's not attractive but not ugly, abrasive but not offensive when dating. Lot of contradictions. Something's not kosher. I'm gonna say he's downplaying the effect each of these things is really having. But don't tell him--he'll take your head off!
Can we assume that it is YOU that is overweight? I really don't see why you went after this guy the way you did before. I'm sure that you aren't anything special yourself. With an attitude like that, I wonder if it might be you that has issues with dating rather than the OP. Your personality shows within this critique, so maybe you really aren't worth much at all according to your own posts. At least that's how you out yourself out there.
I feel exactly the same way that you do (I'm a lesbian). So you are not alone if that is any consolation.
-internet dating experience just like yours (POF, okcupid, match)
-talking to women is a blow to my self esteem, almost always
For my personal dating life, the odds see very slim at this point of meeting someone who isn't who isn't crazy, a cheater, substance abuser etc. I wish I was straight, but dating a man isn't an option when you are only sexually attracted to women. It's not fair to him, or me.
It's funny how idealistic we are when we are young. We think love will be easy to find and just amazing. Then reality smacks us in the face until we wake up.
Reality = women don't care if someone is a liar, abuses them, is unemployed, or an overall bad person. As long as the person has "swag" (delusional belief in how great they are, despite all evidence to the contrary)
I'm trying to give up. This is really hard to do though, because no one wants to be alone.
************************************************** ****************************
"Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" Mugatu from Zoolander
Last edited by insideglimpse; 01-23-2014 at 07:38 AM..
Reason: link
There's nothing wrong with taking a break. You said you are only 26, don't want to marry before age 30, but not interested in a woman unless she is strong marriage material. A lot of women wouldn't be willing to date 4 years if they are looking for marriage. So again take a break and see how you feel after taking some time off !
I feel exactly the same way that you do (I'm a lesbian). So you are not alone if that is any consolation.
-internet dating experience just like yours (POF, okcupid, match)
-talking to women is a blow to my self esteem, almost always
For my personal dating life, the odds see very slim at this point of meeting someone who isn't who isn't crazy, a cheater, substance abuser etc. I wish I was straight, but dating a man isn't an option when you are only sexually attracted to women. It's not fair to him, or me.
It's funny how idealistic we are when we are young. We think love will be easy to find and just amazing. Then reality smacks us in the face until we wake up.
Reality = women don't care if someone is a liar, abuses them, is unemployed, or an overall bad person. As long as the person has "swag" (delusional belief in how great they are, despite all evidence to the contrary)
I'm trying to give up. This is really hard to do though, because no one wants to be alone.
************************************************** ****************************
"Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" Mugatu from Zoolander
Interesting to hear this from your point of view. Of course I can see it being much more difficult when the LGBT community comprises less than 4% of the population.
4%! wow, I thought it was 10% (dang it!).. I guess, sometimes, if the odds are stacked against you, sometimes it's best to face facts and move on from there.
"You're looking in the wrong places! You need to look {insert random place here}"
Some variation of those 3 things are said in every thread in every place on the internet where this problem is a topic. You can set your watch to it it's so predictable. They're wonderful cliches, I just wish they were actually true.
Let me point out an inconvenient truth: Quality Women have become more difficult to catch in this generation because they have more power than ever before. They don't need us to be sole providers anymore, and this has changed their target desire IMMENSELY. It's also dramatically changed Male-Female relationships and not in a positive way. Women aren't growing up with dreams of being Homemakers anymore, and actually I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is that too many today are not growing up wanting to be Wives either. Too many long to be perpetual sex-in-the-city sluts who see being single and screwing guy after guy as a statement of liberation.
Tell me if this sounds familiar to you:
Have you ever run into a Woman who was clearly past her prime, and you just knew she was single and desperate? She's like 44, still attractive but fading by the minute? She sees you and tries her hardest to get you, and you brush her off because you can tell she's desperate to find a Man and reverse the 20-some odd years of effing up she's done by choosing dumbass Men with no future, so that she won't die alone? If you've met enough Women, you've run into this type at least once before. I've run into countless Women like these and turned them away just as quickly as they came and justifiably so.
Women in their 20's and 30's who are running the type of lifestyle I talked about need to study this over-the-hill Woman, because if they don't wake up this is who they're more than likely going to be in 10-20 years: Desperate and alone and finally realizing how foolish they'd been. Unfortunately for those Women, it's usually too late. Biology drives Men to younger Women, the foolish Women who made those bad choices get left out in the cold. Darwin wins.
But during that 20-some odd years of bad decisions, the good guy gets left in the cold, too. That's the sad part. The good guy isn't necessarily 6 Feet tall, drives a Porsche, or looks like Brad Pitt. The good guy can be a decent-looking guy who has a normal job, may drive a Ford (or maybe no car at all) works hard and does the right things. But that's boring to the average Woman in her 20's to early 30's. Women at that age are still chasing illusions. The Woman in her 40's however thinks this good guy is gold, but he doesn't want her now because she's 44 and doesn't fit the biological criteria. Take a gander at how many Women around 40-45 who are single and never married? There are tons of them. Ask them what types of guys they turned down when they were young, and the honest ones will tell you they made a lot of mistakes, and they wish they'd taken that nice guy she screwed over more seriously because he would've made a great husband. I've been told that one by many Women in that age group or older. It's sad listening to their stories of screw-ups and how it's left them alone.
The point I'm making is this: If you're a good guy who lives an upright life and isn't some gawking sex crazed guy that can't keep his pants zipped for two seconds like society covertly encourages you to be, you're likely to be the guy that Women pass on until they've gotten old and washed up.
You may just get the luck of the draw where that rare good Woman may pop up somewhere, but there are no guarantees or special methods, and no matter how hard you search for such a thing on the internet you will always come up empty. Until then, you have a choice: bang countless random Women and engulf yourself in a facade of playerism to hide your true emptiness of not being able to find a Woman to connect with on a real love level. Or, do a combination of that and just dating randomly in hopes that Ms. Right will show up. OR, give up on both altogether. One thing is for certain in this whole equation though... if you choose the very latter, you'll have a lot more money in the bank.
This is so true, I can only agree 100% with TruthWilliams and salute him
Back in my 20's and early 30's I was so naive thinking like the OP on marriage and on being a good husband and a father HA!. Only in my late 30's I realized that I was an idiot and that I was wasting my time. Right now I am enjoying my single-hood, sleeping around and saving lots of money in the process.
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Me too
