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Old 12-31-2009, 12:17 AM
 
805 posts, read 1,505,430 times
Reputation: 734

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mango tango View Post
Aw, leave Chowhound alone. He's harmless.

He is very accurate though. There do seem to be many girl/guy bashing threads that pop up here. They're all quite tiring and redundant. And, of course, everyone loves to pull the victim card. Sigh.

In response to your original post, I think it's sad that more and more men are seeing marriage as a pointless thing. I'm a young female who would absolutely love to get married in the (not near) future to a man that she loves and who loves her.

I am not a guy-basher. I find myself defending men most of the time! People do jump into weird conclusions assuming the poster has an angle when they may not....

A very common assumption. Anway, I think there are plenty of women who find marriage pointless as well.

 
Old 12-31-2009, 01:21 AM
 
Location: down the shore
174 posts, read 454,365 times
Reputation: 225
Default No reason...unless you want children

Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
Seriously. Why bother getting married if you are in a relationship that works? Or if you can't stay faithful? Is it or would it be because your girlfriend is pressuring you?

Divorce is costly, and child custody is a nightmare. Please detail your reasons why it's worth getting married, or why it's not. And also, if it's due to girlfriend pressure.

Poor aquaO just wants an answer to her question from a man's view of why bother getting married? I don’t know how we went off on a tangent about cheating! I truly don’t think she was looking to guy bash. So at an attempt to get back on track, care to have one women’s opinion? Okay great.

Marriage was not an institution I have ever had a desire to establish. I don’t see any reason for marriage unless the couple wants children and I have never had that Marisa Tomei, foot stomping, biological clock ticking desire to have children, so never felt the need for marriage.

I have experienced a couple of nice long term relationships with a wonderful men but never felt I could live with the same person the rest of my life, it just doesn’t seem humanly possible to me! One single guy friend of mine shares this same view but I don’t know any women who do.I deeply admire couples who succeed a lifetime of marriage; they get a standing ovation from me!

Disclaimer: I love kids and men.

 
Old 12-31-2009, 01:34 AM
 
4,837 posts, read 8,831,038 times
Reputation: 3026
Default Why Indeed?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
For MEN only: Why buy the cow...?
But this is a question that women should be asking.
 
Old 12-31-2009, 03:13 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,502,481 times
Reputation: 11081
Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
Seriously. Why bother getting married if you are in a relationship that works? Or if you can't stay faithful? Is it or would it be because your girlfriend is pressuring you?

Divorce is costly, and child custody is a nightmare. Please detail your reasons why it's worth getting married, or why it's not. And also, if it's due to girlfriend pressure.
Maybe you "buy the cow" because you want the "milk" all to yourself.
 
Old 12-31-2009, 04:33 AM
 
Location: Kuwait City, Kuwait.
1,125 posts, read 2,185,608 times
Reputation: 1063
Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
Seriously. Why bother getting married if you are in a relationship that works? Or if you can't stay faithful? Is it or would it be because your girlfriend is pressuring you?

Divorce is costly, and child custody is a nightmare. Please detail your reasons why it's worth getting married, or why it's not. And also, if it's due to girlfriend pressure.
Some men do actually want to start a family. I understand that you can still start a family without getting married, but for some they would rather not have children out of wedlock. When they decide to have kids, they want to have it with a good supportive strong woman in a stable home and environment. That's one reason why some men get married.

Another reason; To some men it seems like a natural next step. Because they want to be with their partner for the rest of their life. Because they want her to be the mother of their children; she'll be a marvellous mother I would hope. Choosing a good quality woman is hugely important, and disregarding the worthless ones.

I do, however, understand there's an anticlimax of anti-marriage feeling amongst many men for a variety of reasons, and some of them are valid, but at the end of the day many men actually want the same thing women want. Loving partner, companionship, fulfilling life and children.

I'm not pro or anti marriage. But I don't think men should feel they have to sort of give a reason why to get married.
 
Old 12-31-2009, 05:46 AM
 
22,768 posts, read 30,601,478 times
Reputation: 14732
Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
Seriously. Why bother getting married if you are in a relationship that works? Or if you can't stay faithful? Is it or would it be because your girlfriend is pressuring you?

Divorce is costly, and child custody is a nightmare. Please detail your reasons why it's worth getting married, or why it's not. And also, if it's due to girlfriend pressure.

I asked my two closest friends from college, and my brother - all of whom are well-adjusted and appear to have good, young marriages - why'd you get married? Did you really want to get married, or did you just not want to lose the woman you were with?

all three gave me an answer along the same lines: 'no, not really, it was something important to her.'
 
Old 12-31-2009, 05:54 AM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,227,059 times
Reputation: 6657
My GF and I have every intention of being together for the rest of our lives.

Marriage is sticky. Neither of us has any desire to be married. I'm an American citizen, she's not. However, because of the intrusiveness of government into personal live we know that we are making a harder situation for ourselves by going against the grain.
 
Old 12-31-2009, 05:58 AM
 
Location: Kuwait City, Kuwait.
1,125 posts, read 2,185,608 times
Reputation: 1063
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory View Post
I asked my two closest friends from college, and my brother - all of whom are well-adjusted and appear to have good, young marriages - why'd you get married? Did you really want to get married, or did you just not want to lose the woman you were with?

all three gave me an answer along the same lines: 'no, not really, it was something important to her.'
Whether we like it or not, there is a certain amount of pressure put on the man by his girlfriend [and sometimes his family as well]. Many men do get married for that simply reason - because it is important to her. Did you ask them a follow-up question like, what is important to you?

I find it really sad when men get married cos their girlfriend wants to do it and they feel pressured into it. If I ever get married, I will do it the day I am 100% sure about it. Marriage is not to be taken lightly.
 
Old 12-31-2009, 07:02 AM
 
37,424 posts, read 45,609,203 times
Reputation: 56713
I'm divorced for many years, not sure I ever will be married again. But I think that I could want to be again, at some point in the future. I think.

My reasoning? Marriage is a statement from both parties that you want and intend to spend the rest of your life with someone, and you are willing to commit to that and work damn hard to make it work. It's a visable, legal and personal sign that I am committing my life and myself to this person. That we are tying our fortunes and fates together with legal, social, emotional and spiritual bonds that have significant status to us. To me, the union is greater than the sum of the parts. It's certainly no guarantee, I don't think anyone would argue that these days. It's just more. And sometimes, for some couples, it just seems that more is the right thing to do.
 
Old 12-31-2009, 07:03 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 22,007,939 times
Reputation: 4772
Ask yourself why a good man WON'T want to marry you? Why would he need girlfriend pressure to get married??

If you have to coerce a man into marrying you, well that is pathetic.

Some men WANT to get married. My husband was one of them.

Sometimes people over-analyze things and get themselves crazy...
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