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Dads are just as capable of this as Mom is. Just because she gave birth she is required to have no dating life unless it can fit the child who is going to run off with the love of their life when they are old enough? You know Dad, is equally responsible for creating this life. He can step up and let Mom be with the new man.
btw if you read through the threads, being a 40yo divorcee isn't the first pick for the dating scene.
Parents are people are just as entitled to happiness as their children.
Trust me, I fully appreciate a dad's role in a kids life - IT IS VITAL.
But Moms and dads are different, by design, which is why a kid needs them BOTH equally - not just mom, not just dad - BOTH.
Now, I know that is not always possible, but it is what parents should strive for, no matter how much they may dislike each other.
I never said a parent should sacrifice everything - all friends, love or happiness - because I don't think that's healthy either. But when you bring a child into this world you are responsible for giving them the best situation possible to grow up in.
Didn't you know about his lack of desire to move when you met? Is he unwilling to financially support you until you can get a job? His being former military explains a lot: they are so used to everything being just so and giving/receiving orders rather than asking it's an adjustment. (I have 4 cousins and a brother in the military).
The fact that you've set-up the relationship as though you are willing to work your life into his is another problem. He probably thinks that you are playing games. You were willing to be in his life until it was time to do it. Now that it's time, you are backing out.
Even if he's willing to help you financialy I would still get a job asap. Just in case it doesn't work out you aren't stuck.
wow - I feel like I must explain more here. I gave up my job in the US in May, my son finished middle school and he and I moved to Canada. Though it turned out that it wasnt a permanent move, because what we thought would be easier in immigration - wasn't. I saw a lawyer and applied for school, tried to get a job - all of it to get it to work out. Then time went fast and I had to get my son back in school, so I had no choice but to bring him back to KY to go to school. My son agreed this would be a temporary situation. But after he got back to KY and spent time here, he decided he'd rather be near his sister, his friends and other family than live in Canada. As much as this hurt me, I was okay with that. We planned all the visits and everything. My son and I did stay (I wont say live, because it's illegal) in Canada all summer. I brought him back for school and I went back to stay from August to December. All the while trying to get legal status in Canada. I have kept in touch and visited my kids and family often.
So - my bf and I decided that I would come back to KY to work for a few months, until Spring - because we needed the money. So now that I've went through great lengths to get an old job back, now all of a sudden he wants me to come back and just sit there til Spring. I asked him just to wait, even just a couple of months and he wont wait. I think it is so selfish of him considering all I have sacrificed to be with him.
I guess maybe he is a contolling and selfish - and I'm thinking I should have put my children first all along. We were all really close, but this did put some strain on our relationship (mine and my kids).
The thing is I wasnt even "looking" for a new love when I found him or he found me, I should say.
The fact is now, there has just been too much hurt. For him to say to me that he can find somone else - tells me he apparently wasnt as committed as I. Because yeah I would move mountains to have been with him. I sacrificed alot to make things work for us. But I guess that wasnt good enough. Now its time for me to move on, build my life back, get back on my feet and be with my kids. I know they are only around for a short time - then they will move on with their own lives, but I know I will be a part of their lives if Im here with them.
The controlling comments and red flag comments really made me think. Not that I will mention what I'm thinking back on, I just know there have been alot of controlling issues. I just went through 20 years with one man that was verbally and mentally abusive - I cant go through that type of relationship again. So even though I hurt and don't understand why the connection and the love I feel for him, this must be a blessing in disguise.
Well, if the legal status was the only problem (I start thinking more and more that it's not), why didn't you get married?
Well he told me he gave up his license because he almost hit a child when he was driving in the snow/ice a few years ago. So, he decided not to drive anymore. But I also know he has a history of seizures.
We didnt get married right away because he was still "legally" married to his ex-wife. She left him 15 years ago and he doesn't know where she is. But - he never even applied for the divorce. But now he says that is what he was going to do.
Also, at one point he gave me his word that we would move to KY to make a life, just a couple of months ago - since all that I was doing there wasnt working. But when it came down to it, he decided he didnt want to do that anymore. He just thinks the USA is unsafe. But, where I live in KY is way more safe than where we were living in Canada.
Dads are just as capable of this as Mom is. Just because she gave birth she is required to have no dating life unless it can fit the child who is going to run off with the love of their life when they are old enough? You know Dad, is equally responsible for creating this life. He can step up and let Mom be with the new man.
btw if you read through the threads, being a 40yo divorcee isn't the first pick for the dating scene.
Parents are people are just as entitled to happiness as their children.
Oh quit reading things people aren't saying. Mom can have a dating life all she wants. It's damn selfish and unfair of her to leave her kids because she has the hots for some dude who isn't even willing to give her time to get her ducks in a row. There's plenty of men she can date. She doesn't have to move to another country to do it. Right now he's "the love of her life." Yeah, well, her ex-husband was that at one time, too. Big deal. Whether the kids live with her or the dad, it's damn selfish of her to leave them till their grown.
You know, I find it amazing that a lot of mothers ignore and sacrifice their marriages to their kids' dad because "the kids come first." But they're only too willing to drop-kick their kids out of the way in their quest for the 2nd husband.
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