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Old 01-06-2010, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,441,512 times
Reputation: 40197

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
Why do people say that when somone breaks down their argument for the garbage that it is? Please pick someone less secure with themselves to pull this bull on.
Not meaning to offend you, truly I'm not...but you seem to have taken this whole thing WAY too personally. I'm guessing there is good reason for that, because something about this strikes too close to home for you.

So I think enough has been said at this point, no sense continuing to go round and round - you don't think a kid needs two parents, I do - end of story. Peace.
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Old 01-06-2010, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
7,835 posts, read 8,418,283 times
Reputation: 8564
Incredible. How about acknowledging the research I linked to, that specifically says that "adults who put their own needs and happiness before the emotional well-being of their children. . . justify it all by buying into the myth that children are resilient or time heals all wounds."

You can try to spin this into "steps" (first she said this, then the child said that) until you've corkscrewed yourself into the ground. That does not negate the very simple fact that children should never be PUT in the position of picking one parent over the other, because one parent wants to traipse off to "follow their heart". It is just so wrong to do that to a child, I find it stunning that a woman who works with at-risk children doesn't know that.

Children are not capable of making adult decisions.

Children should not have to pick one parent over the other -- that is way too much of a burden on a child. Talk about setting them up to feel either guilt or resentment!

Children should never be left with anyone, including the other parent, so the primary care-giver can go off in pursuit of their "happiness".

Teenagers ARE still children, especially at fourteen!

Teenagers are at one of their most vulnerable stages in life, where who they will be as adults starts to set in.

Children, including teenagers, who have access to both parents, where neither parent is abusive or neglectful, will do better than children who have access to only one parent. Studies bear this out.

Thank goodness the OP had the sense to choose to do the right thing, and not what you are advocating here. I give her HUGE kudos and credit!
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Old 01-13-2010, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Southern NC
2,203 posts, read 5,071,653 times
Reputation: 3833
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
People would give up their teenagers for a lover? I think that's weird. Lovers will be there when the kids are grown. There is nobody in the world I would give up raising my kids for. Nobody.
Exactly!
I cannot believe how many people would just let their kid live with the other parent so they can "do their thing".
You have kids to be a parent until they are adults....teens NEED their Mothers...I can't imagine leaving my daughters so I could move in with some man.
Men come and go...your kids will be there holding your hand in the end...if you were a good parent to them.

OP....I hope you've told this man to stick it up his .
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:48 PM
 
13,721 posts, read 19,167,211 times
Reputation: 16970
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
If parents are not in the same household but working together, there is no reason one or both should not be able to move on with their romantic lives. And no reason the non-custodial parent who is only having visitation anyway can't move to another state or close country.
Hello, Mom - is that you? As a kid who was left with their dad while their mom pursued a new relationship, the adjustment was not as easy for me and my siblings as it seemed to have been for you. My life as I knew it changed overnight. Before you left, I was a normal, happy child of 10. I didn't worry about adult things; I was just busy being a kid. I still distinctly remember sitting in school at the beginning of junior high one day feeling like my whole world had caved in. In retrospect, I know I was in a deep depression. I felt insecure and unloved. I didn't understand how a mother could walk off and leave her children. I knew it made you "happy" - but what about me? Sorry if that's selfish, but I was a kid and I didn't have any choices. I had to live with the choice you made for me - and while it might have been a good choice in your eyes, it wasn't so great for me. I loved my dad with all my heart, but he wasn't a replacement for my mother. I later loved my stepmother, but again that didn't replace my mother.

Mom, because of you, I made sure I was there every day of my kids' lives. They never had to wonder where I was. They never cried themselves to sleep because they missed their mother. They never felt insecure and unloved. They hearts never told them to be cautious in relationships, feeling unlovable and expecting to be abandoned. My kids knew WITH ME is where they belonged, and that I wanted them WITH ME. They are in their 20s now and on their own but I see and talk to them often; they drop in regularly, and I will ALWAYS be their mom.

If anyone knows what effect it has on a child, I do.
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Old 04-26-2013, 06:27 AM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,126,531 times
Reputation: 27047
Quote:
Originally Posted by selena1221 View Post
Yeah - I believe as well that he should do whatever he can do be with me. Its so sad. I guess words and actions are definitely two different things. You would think someone that is 44 years old could make things happen, if he truly believes they are meant to be.
He is likely feeling the same about your decisions.
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Old 04-26-2013, 08:45 AM
 
4,098 posts, read 7,093,102 times
Reputation: 5682
I would say he did you a favor by breaking up. He has a sixteen year old daughter, do you have any idea what kind of a problem that could turn into? If I were you I wouldn't even consider moving to Canada until all the kids, yours and his are out of their homes. Second marriages are hard enough without kids, minor kids, involved. At 35 years of age your judgement should be better, why are you letting your 14 year old son decide where he will stay? Is he the adult, or are you? My advice is get a job in Kentucky and stay there until your kids are raised and out of the home. If your boyfriend in Canada is really in love with you, he will understand and wait until your situation changes so you can move without your life becoming full of stress. If he doesn't wait, no big loss, he is not the only man that could be your soul mate, it only seems that way because when you are in love you rationalize the facts to do what you want.
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Old 04-26-2013, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,688 posts, read 5,003,078 times
Reputation: 7588
Thread more than two years old.

Her current location: KY


I reckon this one played out.
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