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Old 05-22-2007, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Murphy, NC
47 posts, read 34,453 times
Reputation: 28

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I met a man online in October last year. We talked online and eventually on the phone for awhile. He asked me to come and visit him, and I thought I was being smart by waiting 4-5 months before doing so. We talked everyday on the phone, I was always open and honest with him. He sent me a very nice Christmas gift and Valentines Day gift. So, I thought he felt the same for me as I did him. Well to make a long story short, I did go and visit him. And after I returned home, without any warning he just backed off. Never telling me anything. I have now learned that he had been talking to another woman for the past 3 months he was talking to me. I guess what hurts the most is the fact that I confided in him and he was the first man I cared about since my husband passed away 3 yrs ago. I feel he took advantage of that and ran with it. I am lucky that he didn't take more than my emotions. How can you tell if someone is really honest with you? I thought I knew, but obviously, I don't.
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Old 05-22-2007, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,727,113 times
Reputation: 548
I am sorry for the loss of your husband. Unfortunately you found an online pig. He was obviously having his cake and eating it too. It sounds like he met all of you and chose the one he liked best. Shame on him for leading you on like that when he knew you were vulnerable.

As much as this hurts you will have to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move on. Just remember, it's not your fault he is such a jerk and you are lucky that it didn't go farther and hurt even more.

The best of luck to you swtpolly!
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Old 05-22-2007, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 21,464,496 times
Reputation: 21351
Quote:
Originally Posted by swtpolly View Post
I met a man online in October last year. We talked online and eventually on the phone for awhile. He asked me to come and visit him, and I thought I was being smart by waiting 4-5 months before doing so. We talked everyday on the phone, I was always open and honest with him. He sent me a very nice Christmas gift and Valentines Day gift. So, I thought he felt the same for me as I did him. Well to make a long story short, I did go and visit him. And after I returned home, without any warning he just backed off. Never telling me anything. I have now learned that he had been talking to another woman for the past 3 months he was talking to me. I guess what hurts the most is the fact that I confided in him and he was the first man I cared about since my husband passed away 3 yrs ago. I feel he took advantage of that and ran with it. I am lucky that he didn't take more than my emotions. How can you tell if someone is really honest with you? I thought I knew, but obviously, I don't.
Wow, I am so sorry you got burned that way. I'm married and never had any experience with internet dating therefore. So there are probably people on this forum that can give you a lot better and more specific advice than I can.
I can only say that, as you found out, internet is not real life to be sure. People can say or be anything they want to be on the internet. Sounds like you did everything right. My point, I guess, is just sometimes you can't tell. And sometimes, that can even be true in "real" life too. As you said, I think it is good that you found out this stuff before it went any further. Sometimes, too, relationships seem to "work" over the internet and not in person. Sounds llike , though, there was more going on with him than just lack of personal "chemistry" upon meeting.

So...in answer to your inquiry about how can you tell, I'm not sure you can. I think you just have to use your discernment and good judgment to the best of your ability. And we can all be wrong even then. What happened here could have happened to any of us in my opinion. Just don't let it harden you to the point that you don't trust anyone. That's more of a tragedy I think.
I wish you the best. Blessings!
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Old 05-22-2007, 05:02 PM
 
13,640 posts, read 23,290,244 times
Reputation: 18540
Polly, next time tell the gentleman to come meet you. DO NOT give him your home address. If he is truly interested he will pay the travel expense to meet you. Sorry about your husbands death. The loneliness (I am tols) is unimaginable unless you have experienced it. Good luck to you Polly
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Old 05-22-2007, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Mayberry
33,738 posts, read 14,441,760 times
Reputation: 69458
Quote:
Originally Posted by swtpolly View Post
I met a man online in October last year. We talked online and eventually on the phone for awhile. He asked me to come and visit him, and I thought I was being smart by waiting 4-5 months before doing so. We talked everyday on the phone, I was always open and honest with him. He sent me a very nice Christmas gift and Valentines Day gift. So, I thought he felt the same for me as I did him. Well to make a long story short, I did go and visit him. And after I returned home, without any warning he just backed off. Never telling me anything. I have now learned that he had been talking to another woman for the past 3 months he was talking to me. I guess what hurts the most is the fact that I confided in him and he was the first man I cared about since my husband passed away 3 yrs ago. I feel he took advantage of that and ran with it. I am lucky that he didn't take more than my emotions. How can you tell if someone is really honest with you? I thought I knew, but obviously, I don't.
I am so sorry, I did the online thing once and it was horrible. He totally lied to me about himself. I have a friend who I have only seen 3 times in 7 years. Believe me nothing beats being with a person in person. The phone, internet is nothing but words and they work well for me but it is nothing like seeing the person and being with them. I will never take anyones word on the phone or internet. I need to see them face to face. That's just me. I have been enthralled by words to an unbelievable point and then just disappointed. I try really hard to be honest here and in person. Just be careful next time and good luck.
Terry
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Old 05-22-2007, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Dilworth - Charlotte, NC.
549 posts, read 2,295,117 times
Reputation: 244
Blue is so right on this. If you go out of your way to meet a guy then in a way he might think your to "easy" or not much of a challenge so he looses interest. Guys are funny like this. There is an old saying "If Willie is willing, he will sure find a way" which I go by. Internet dating can be so hard sometimes.
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Old 05-22-2007, 05:48 PM
 
926 posts, read 1,410,640 times
Reputation: 524
I tried the computer dating shortly after I got divorced, but just for a very short while. I got SO sick from kissing the monitor after it was cleaned with Windex.
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Old 05-22-2007, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,499 posts, read 25,470,323 times
Reputation: 8916
Quote:
Originally Posted by blue62 View Post
Polly, next time tell the gentleman to come meet you. DO NOT give him your home address. If he is truly interested he will pay the travel expense to meet you. Sorry about your husbands death. The loneliness (I am tols) is unimaginable unless you have experienced it. Good luck to you Polly

To the OP- sorry for your loss.

I know a couple at work who have a decent marriage- they met online. IMO if you are honest, read between the lines- you can usually tell when someone is bs'íng-- or embellishing. That being said there are some psychos (male or female) out there- so be careful!


sunny
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Old 05-22-2007, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Waynesboro, PA
117 posts, read 192,085 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by swtpolly View Post
I met a man online in October last year. We talked online and eventually on the phone for awhile. He asked me to come and visit him, and I thought I was being smart by waiting 4-5 months before doing so. We talked everyday on the phone, I was always open and honest with him. He sent me a very nice Christmas gift and Valentines Day gift. So, I thought he felt the same for me as I did him. Well to make a long story short, I did go and visit him. And after I returned home, without any warning he just backed off. Never telling me anything. I have now learned that he had been talking to another woman for the past 3 months he was talking to me. I guess what hurts the most is the fact that I confided in him and he was the first man I cared about since my husband passed away 3 yrs ago. I feel he took advantage of that and ran with it. I am lucky that he didn't take more than my emotions. How can you tell if someone is really honest with you? I thought I knew, but obviously, I don't.
Well the question is- did he get any? If so then you know your answer, the old hit-n-run trick. Aslo he may just have wanted to boost his esteem by just accomplishing the feat of truly getting someone to be interested in him.
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Old 05-22-2007, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Waynesboro, PA
117 posts, read 192,085 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykay View Post
Wow, I am so sorry you got burned that way. I'm married and never had any experience with internet dating therefore. So there are probably people on this forum that can give you a lot better and more specific advice than I can.
I can only say that, as you found out, internet is not real life to be sure. People can say or be anything they want to be on the internet. Sounds like you did everything right. My point, I guess, is just sometimes you can't tell. And sometimes, that can even be true in "real" life too. As you said, I think it is good that you found out this stuff before it went any further. Sometimes, too, relationships seem to "work" over the internet and not in person. Sounds llike , though, there was more going on with him than just lack of personal "chemistry" upon meeting.

So...in answer to your inquiry about how can you tell, I'm not sure you can. I think you just have to use your discernment and good judgment to the best of your ability. And we can all be wrong even then. What happened here could have happened to any of us in my opinion. Just don't let it harden you to the point that you don't trust anyone. That's more of a tragedy I think.
I wish you the best. Blessings!
You are so right, you cannot trust anyone else, everyone has their lil secret side no matter what or how they come across, even if they lived up to some things to you in the past, they probably have something to offset it each time within their secret side.
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