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So the general consensus so far is that anything anyone says to me in confidence has to be told to my wife, because she is my spouse.
(Again my main concern about my wife seeing my emails is her reading comments from Alice, my relatives and other friends who wrote to me with the expectation of privacy.)
The general consensus isn't that you have to share EVERY single thing,no. It's the general consensus that if your wife is giving you priveleges, you should do the same and keep in mind the motto, "no secrets". Even if she NEVER reads the emails, who cares? Right?
If you don't want to give up information to your wife from your friends, that's totally fine but then don't get all bent because she has a friend and they are close. She has offered every avenue for you to have access.
In a previous posting I talked about my wife's best friend Larry. They are very close personally but not romantically/sexually.
They email back and forth on a regular basis and do lunch at work and love to talk on the phone. Their relationship is similar to a very close friendship between a woman and a gay man, but Larry is not gay. I completely trust her when she says that there is nothing romantic or sexual going on, and she trusts me with my "work spouse" and very close friend Alice.
Anyway, I am always a little curious what they are emailing to each other on a regular basis. So I asked her. My wife said she would open up and let me read all her emails to Larry if I show her all my emails to Alice. She is open to an exchange of emails but I am not. Nor would I expect Larry or Alice would be happy about it also.
Should my wife and I be able to send emails back and forth to friends without the other reading it? Or does marriage eliminate any expectation of privacy?
I get more confused as these posts continue and numerous threads posted by the same person can certainly befuddle even the most astute readers even without the aliases.
Your wife has a relationship with Larry with whom she works but it's not (apparently) a sexual relationship. You work with Alice with whom you've become friends but it's not a sexual relationship because you have a problem with sexual relationships. You find the sexual act distasteful just like your grandfather and father did. You prefer cuddling rather than sex itself.
Several regular posters found your threads remarkably similar in content and language to other posters with similar problems who either dropped out or removed themselves as CD posters.
You popped back in on a new thread to advise that it was confusing to you that posters thought you were posting under different names but that you were now - on the advice of CD posters - undergoing professional therapy sessions. This alleged professional counselor advised you to continue posting your problems on the internet. Huh?
With all due respect for the profession, I can't imagine a professional counselor advocating that - but I could be way out of the loop and will stand corrected.
I'm really beginning to think that you're a seriously disturbed man living in a fantasy internet world. Cheers!
With all due respect for the profession, I can't imagine a professional counselor advocating that - but I could be way out of the loop and will stand corrected.
My thoughts, exactly. To add, it seems the counselor is not willing to do his/her job; and it is awfully wasteful of the OP to pay the counselor and not utilize his/her services to the fullest extent.
That is, if this is indeed reality ... of which I have my doubts.
In a previous posting I talked about my wife's best friend Larry. They are very close personally but not romantically/sexually.
They email back and forth on a regular basis and do lunch at work and love to talk on the phone. Their relationship is similar to a very close friendship between a woman and a gay man, but Larry is not gay. I completely trust her when she says that there is nothing romantic or sexual going on, and she trusts me with my "work spouse" and very close friend Alice.
Anyway, I am always a little curious what they are emailing to each other on a regular basis. So I asked her. My wife said she would open up and let me read all her emails to Larry if I show her all my emails to Alice. She is open to an exchange of emails but I am not. Nor would I expect Larry or Alice would be happy about it also.
Should my wife and I be able to send emails back and forth to friends without the other reading it? Or does marriage eliminate any expectation of privacy?
you and your wife should discuss this with your therapist or perhaps one of your non-dating (possibly gay) family members
I think this is childish. No, I don't think anyone has a right or even "should" read emails to others. This sounds like children, "I want your toy - don't get my toy." I can hear the screams and cries of the kids from here.
In an adult relationship, it's best to try to trust the person you are with. If not, move on.
Your wife has a relationship with Larry with whom she works but it's not (apparently) a sexual relationship. You work with Alice with whom you've become friends but it's not a sexual relationship because you have a problem with sexual relationships. You find the sexual act distasteful just like your grandfather and father did. You prefer cuddling rather than sex itself.
Everything was right up to this point but BS after then.
I am so happy that my postings have created such a stir as to have people memorize so much of what I have said.
If I'm in a relationship, you should assume my SO is reading over my shoulder. She is given full access to my email information, any logins or passwords for sites I visit. I have NOTHING to hide. If you would feel uncomfortable disclosing it to HER, you should not disclose it to ME.
As a matter of fact, my last SO took care of my financial affairs, so she had my bankcard and my PIN. Full and unfettered access. And I wasn't even married to her.
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