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I agree with this. But for me at least, I do make it clear before I ever go out with a guy, that I have no interest in a bed-hopping casual relationship. I've been there and done that, and it was great, but I'm past that and see no point in dating someone whose interest lies solely in that direction. I'm not pushing for a commitment at all, but if you are someone that does not even desire to have a long-term relationship, then we are both wasting our time.
This is 100% my stance and feeling. Not necessarily a relationship with ME, just someone who is at least relationship-minded.
I am interested in sex when someone is my BOYFRIEND. If we are in the "dating" phase, then no, don't want it.
I agree with your viewpoint. The right guy will not push you into something you are not ready for. You are meeting a lot of the ones who are running all over town milking various cows. Who needs that?
This is exactly why I am undateable. Men like to be the providers, breadwinners...and often don't like it if the woman does better than they do. If I already have everything I need, in my eyes, why would a man waste his time on me? I would do nothing for his ego- you are absolutely right.
If you can't understand how/what an educated, smart, funny, knowledgeable and beautiful successful woman can do for a man's ego, than we're having the wrong discussion as to why men won't date you.
Trust me, men are looking for that. Someone who can impress mom, impress the boss, impress the 'boys', and hold an intellectual stimulating and thought provoking discussion (not debate or heated you must see it my way). Someone who as the joke goes...'doesn't NEED you, but WANTS you.'
I am interested in sex when someone is my BOYFRIEND. If we are in the "dating" phase, then no, don't want it.
"Dating phase"? Hmmm. How long do you date them before you consider them a boyfriend? I mean 3 or 4 dates...many people consider that to be enough time to know one way or the other. Don't misunderstand...my BF and I waited as long as we could stand it...in the end, he would have waited longer if that was what I needed. But I couldn't take it anymore.
If a guy really does like you, he'll wait...a reasonable period of time. I do believe that.
"Dating phase"? Hmmm. How long do you date them before you consider them a boyfriend? I mean 3 or 4 dates...many people consider that to be enough time to know one way or the other. Don't misunderstand...my BF and I waited as long as we could stand it...in the end, he would have waited longer if that was what I needed. But I couldn't take it anymore.
If a guy really does like you, he'll wait...a reasonable period of time. I do believe that.
3 or 4 dates is only seeing the man "in person" 3 or 4 times for an hour or two each time at the most (maybe 4 or 5 if you met him somewhere in person, not through a personal ad).
Men consider 3 or 4 dates fast enough for sex, but would they consider only 3 or 4 dates fast enough for them to consider you their girlfriend? No!!
The right ones will wait. The ones playing the field will hurry off to attempt to get free milk from the next cow. No big loss I say.
Then make that clear before you ever go out with them.
What are some ideas on how to do that tactfully?
I can't think of a diplomatic way (and I am not good at being a diplomat, I admit, so that could be my handicap) to say, "If you are just a player or confirmed bachelor, don't waste your time and my time!"
1. She wakes me up rubbing my back.
2. Her hand passes over me luxuriously when she passes me.
3. She is loving and affectionate.
4. She is a good person.
5. She is feminine and beautiful.
6. She is reasonable and rational.
7. Her voice is soothing and arousing.
Now, see how many men are not interested in those qualities. Where else my I get these things?
I would love to be this to a man who cared about me. I can/will do/have these qualities (I think). I'm also well educated, a home owner, financially able but unlucky in love. I miss dates and cuddling, hugs and kisses and the rest.
I hope the optimists here are right. I feel like Jdawg8181, except I've been married once and am a little older.
1. You should definitely check out Onglet's thread that was on here a while back. It was about a similar topic.
2. I've learned something the past year: the things that women prize in a man aren't exactly what men prize in a woman. Men don't care about job, success, owning a home, etc. They DO like women who are smart and capable of taking care of themselves, but they could care less if she's the president of a company or a secretary. Trying to sell yourself to a guy in this manner doesn't do much. Men care about how you make them feel. If you make them feel like they're on cloud 9 whenever they're with you, I can guarantee they will stick around (I don't mean sexually). Men care much more about the actual girl herself (personality, looks, lifestyle) than other defining factors (career, education, success).
About the commitment thing, the guys either aren't looking for anything serious or just don't like you enough.
Also, ask yourself what type of girl the man you want is looking for? What you may see as a dumb bimbo may be a warm and enthusiastic girl to him.
At the end of the day, we all just want to be with someone that we feel good around.
3 or 4 dates is only seeing the man "in person" 3 or 4 times for an hour or two each time at the most (maybe 4 or 5 if you met him somewhere in person, not through a personal ad).
Well I DID find my guy using an online site. Our first meeting was for 5 hours. Our second date lasted 9 hours. Our 3rd date lasted 8 hours. Our 4th "date" (which was the very next day) we were together for damn near 12 hours. And that was just our first 2 weeks.
That's 34 hours, for 4 "dates". We clicked immediately, obviously. And by the 3rd date, we really were together...not just dating. So for us, though it was only 3 weeks that we waited, it was a huge HUGE amount of time we spent together. More than most spend in several months. I judge by the time spent...not by the number of dates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Love_LI_but
Men consider 3 or 4 dates fast enough for sex, but would they consider only 3 or 4 dates fast enough for them to consider you their girlfriend? No!!
The right ones will wait. The ones playing the field will hurry off to attempt to get free milk from the next cow. No big loss I say.
I agree.
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Women are interested in this....
