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What I keep seeing out there with women is they run around with all these mental checklists of what they want in a man. And as I detailed earlier in this thread it is nigh impossible for any men to fit ALL these requirements I keep hearing women come up with.
I think they are so busy running through all these checklists all the time that one day they hit 40 and wonder why the hell they are single and why they have been left behind on the curb.
What I say is go out live life, do activities, eat, drink and be merry. Finding a partner in life is not about hiring for a job. Things like bachelor degrees are nice and it says here is a person that can commit to something and finish it, but it is no guarantee about someone. I have met plenty of dunderheads with degrees and some brilliant successful people that have high school educations.
I agree with this (and I'm a female myself).
We (speaking in general terms) want someone confident, but we don't want a drop of arrogance.
We want him to be charming, but we don't want him to be a flirt.
We want him to have a high powered career, but we don't want him to work all the time.
We want him to have Adonis's body, but we don't want him to spend an hour in the gym every day.
And so on and so forth. . . for every trait we're looking for, there is often a possible correlating trait that we want nothing to do with. We want someone strong yet sensitive, tough yet gentle, etc. We want want want all these opposing traits and then we wonder why we can't find anyone. I'm sure that guys who fit the bill DO exist, but they're obviously not wandering around cities in packs of 50.
However, on the note about education and degrees: I will admit that I value a college education and I do find higher degrees (it does depend on the individual; this is not an across the board thing) to be attractive. I grew up in an environment where education was deeply valued. If I ever get married in the future, I'd like to marry someone with a similar background as well. It's not because I'm snobby or an elitist. I just have a certain value system and I'd be setting myself up for disaster if I tried to be in a serious relationship with someone who possessed starkly different views.
It doesn't matter if you have a masters, J.D., and PhD - guys don't care about that stuff! They may be impressed by your dexterity and accomplishments, but ONLY if they like your personality as well. Success in the academic and corporate world can only be a plus if they already like you as a person. Otherwise, they don't give two $hits about it.
You can't sell yourself to men in the same fashion that the men you like are selling themselves. They don't want to date clones of themselves minus the penis.
I can't rep you any more, need to spread it out. Booo, lol.
Now, as to what Mango said, my last three boyfriends (to include the ex-fiance) all suggested to me at one point that I should get a Master's degree. The ex-fiance had a HS diploma, one bf had a bachelors and is planning to get a Masters and PhD, and the other one finished his Master's when we were dating. So, apparently there are some guys out there who do want an educated woman. Personally, I have no desire to ever get a Master's degree - it won't help me one bit with my career, so it'd just be some sort of status thing, and I'm happy enough with my BS degree and being a CPA.
I'm still friends with a couple of my ex-boyfriends, and I've tried asking them what I'm doing "wrong", but I usually get an answer like, "you didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one who's stupid. I wish I felt differently about you 'cause you're great"
I'm sure there are plenty of men who would like their SO to be well educated, especially if they are highly educated themselves.
I was simply stating that it's not an item on a checklist like it is for some women. Furthermore, a degree isn't going to suddenly make an ice queen become attractive to a man. While it may be important and a plus, I don't think it's going to be a determining factor on whether the man wants to date a girl or not.
I'm a 28 year old female, successful @ my job, college-educated, I've owned my home for about 2 years now, I'm a hard-worker, I do volunteer work, I'm nice, I'm smart, I'm funny, I work out and have a great body, I'm very attractive, I don't do drugs or smoke and I drink rarely, I have a clean record in terms of never being arrested ot anything like that, I have a great social life...and yet i can't find someone who wants to date me.
I'm not perfect I know that...but where in my self-description is something that someone would find unattractive about wanting to date me?
I have worked hard and accomplished so much, but I find myself never good enough for any man.
Sorry...I don't really get it. Do men just want to date and marry bitchy ditzy bimbos with no money?
Well Ms. Jdawg, the answer is no we don't want to marry bitchy ditzy bimbos with no money. We, hell I....would actually find someone like you attractive. You must be attracted to the wrong type of guys. McCoy
I'd always been kind of an education "snob", but then I met my ex-fiance. He didn't have a degree, but was supposedly going to work on it. He was a smart guy, knew how to spell, , could carry on a conversation about darn near anything, but didn't have the degree. I'm pretty sure the fact that he turned out to be a jerk had nothing to do with his lack of a degree either. However, even if a guy doesn't have a degree, I still want someone who comes across as educated, can challenge me in Trivial Pursuit and knows how to spell his own name
Now, as to what Mango said, my last three boyfriends (to include the ex-fiance) all suggested to me at one point that I should get a Master's degree. The ex-fiance had a HS diploma, one bf had a bachelors and is planning to get a Masters and PhD, and the other one finished his Master's when we were dating. So, apparently there are some guys out there who do want an educated woman. Personally, I have no desire to ever get a Master's degree - it won't help me one bit with my career, so it'd just be some sort of status thing, and I'm happy enough with my BS degree and being a CPA.
I'm still friends with a couple of my ex-boyfriends, and I've tried asking them what I'm doing "wrong", but I usually get an answer like, "you didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one who's stupid. I wish I felt differently about you 'cause you're great"
Beside the fact you said you are an education snob, you are also smart & aware enough to know that further education would not benefit you in your chosen field. Very intelligent if you ask me (though you didn't).
I'm getting a vibe the OP wants the education purely/partially for status.
We (speaking in general terms) want someone confident, but we don't want a drop of arrogance.
We want him to be charming, but we don't want him to be a flirt.
We want him to have a high powered career, but we don't want him to work all the time.
We want him to have Adonis's body, but we don't want him to spend an hour in the gym every day.
And so on and so forth. . . for every trait we're looking for, there is often a possible correlating trait that we want nothing to do with. We want someone strong yet sensitive, tough yet gentle, etc. We want want want all these opposing traits and then we wonder why we can't find anyone. I'm sure that guys who fit the bill DO exist, but they're obviously not wandering around cities in packs of 50.
Well my new brother in law is a perfect example of all this. My sister is a bit superficial and concerned with all this checklist stuff and at first and second glance this guy she married was a perfect fit. I saw through it but she couldn't.
At first glance this guy was Mr. Perfect.
1. Bachelor's Degree
2. Condo
3. Athlete
4. Six figure job at one point, "works hard"
5. Multiple cars
6. Garage filled with tons of sporting gear
7. Travels
8. Tall and confident(I'm not into dudes so I can't say but women think he's attractive)
9. Charming
So at first glance he looks like the catch. Has everything right? At least many women seem to think so.
Well the reality is:
1. Degree-that's nice
2. Condo-mortgaged to the hilt
3. Athlete-has many serious injuries and wont be movin' too quick when he's 50
4. Six figure job- Now gone, zero income, no hope of replacing that income either, could face some difficulties from that job as well(I'll leave it at that), he might be getting a job soon at a 2/3rds paycut
5. Multiple cars- all bought no money down with huge liens on them
6. Garage with tons of gear-has credit card bills that will make you cry
7. Travels-see credit card above, doesn't travel cheap
8. Tall and confident- fairly arrogant and full of himself
9. Charming- has a history of cheating(confirmed) and being a ladies man, previously was working "long hours" until midnight and taking random "business trips" as well.
So one can see that all these superficial "qualities" may not be all they seem. Yet I know for a fact having been around him for 4 years that women think he's the bomb. He and my sister had a "fairy tale" wedding recently and it was way over budget which is adding to their woes as well. Now I see two pale faced stressed people. I hope they do succeed though.
Well my new brother in law is a perfect example of all this. My sister is a bit superficial and concerned with all this checklist stuff and at first and second glance this guy she married was a perfect fit. I saw through it but she couldn't.
At first glance this guy was Mr. Perfect.
1. Bachelor's Degree
2. Condo
3. Athlete
4. Six figure job at one point, "works hard"
5. Multiple cars
6. Garage filled with tons of sporting gear
7. Travels
8. Tall and confident(I'm not into dudes so I can't say but women think he's attractive)
9. Charming
So at first glance he looks like the catch. Has everything right? At least many women seem to think so.
Well the reality is:
1. Degree-that's nice
2. Condo-mortgaged to the hilt
3. Athlete-has many serious injuries and wont be movin' too quick when he's 50
4. Six figure job- Now gone, zero income, no hope of replacing that income either, could face some difficulties from that job as well(I'll leave it at that), he might be getting a job soon at a 2/3rds paycut
5. Multiple cars- all bought no money down with huge liens on them
6. Garage with tons of gear-has credit card bills that will make you cry
7. Travels-see credit card above, doesn't travel cheap
8. Tall and confident- fairly arrogant and full of himself
9. Charming- has a history of cheating(confirmed) and being a ladies man, previously was working "long hours" until midnight and taking random "business trips" as well.
So one can see that all these superficial "qualities" may not be all they seem. Yet I know for a fact having been around him for 4 years that women think he's the bomb. He and my sister had a "fairy tale" wedding recently and it was way over budget which is adding to their woes as well. Now I see two pale faced stressed people. I hope they do succeed though.
Food for thought ladies. ROFL!
Well the biggest problem with that guy was that he was living beyond his means. I assume he felt like he was somewhat invincible too. The problem with that checklist is that there isn't much substance in regards to the personality part. Confident and charming are all wonderful and dandy, but they're superficial qualities that are worthless if not backed up with stronger qualities like kindness, compassion, honesty, etc.
Personally, I have no desire to ever get a Master's degree - it won't help me one bit with my career, so it'd just be some sort of status thing, and I'm happy enough with my BS degree and being a CPA.
Good for you for recognizing it. That won't help my career any either. And I have known some people with masters degrees working in tech support. So you have to see is it worth it or not.
Just because someone does not have a masters doesn't mean they're not educated.
I'm a 28 year old female, successful @ my job, college-educated, I've owned my home for about 2 years now, I'm a hard-worker, I do volunteer work, I'm nice, I'm smart, I'm funny, I work out and have a great body, I'm very attractive, I don't do drugs or smoke and I drink rarely, I have a clean record in terms of never being arrested ot anything like that, I have a great social life...and yet i can't find someone who wants to date me.
I'm not perfect I know that...but where in my self-description is something that someone would find unattractive about wanting to date me?
I have worked hard and accomplished so much, but I find myself never good enough for any man.
Sorry...I don't really get it. Do men just want to date and marry bitchy ditzy bimbos with no money?
In the Misandry & relationships thread I mentioned women suffering as a result. I think what you're going through is an example of that. Men now don't have to have relationships to get lots of sex because women are going out and getting laid regularly as well. If men want companionship they've got friends & family. Women are really going to have to step up their game to get the men they want. You cannot sit by and passively land Mr Right anymore. Mr Right has 5+ other women just like you to choose from and more and more men are getting that level of choice due to "Venusian Arts". That's the reality we live in and it's only going to get worse for women in terms of competition. Also, men are increasingly becoming relationship adverse.
I do wonder why if you're so attractive and have the total package that guys aren't beating down your door. That leads me to believe there's some sort of barriers you've built that you're not aware of or not telling us about. Do you have a bunch of male friends? Why aren't you interested in sex? You said they start looking after 3 or 4 dates and you shut them down? You complain about men being afraid of commitment, but it's just as likely you're afraid of intimacy.
My advice is to reevaluate your goals and sensibilities and figure out which is more important. If you cannot compromise then you're going to have to either settle for a lesser man or accept being single. And even if you run into a like-minded guy, remember that due to gender dynamics he likely doesn't have choice and other women wanting to date him. And we're back to settling on your part. Goes back to what I said before about women suffering from the growing changes in today's dating world. Girls such as yourself that have traditional mindsets are becoming a minority that most men, particularly those with options, don't have time for because they can get all of their wants & needs from other more accommodating women (likely younger than yourself).
If you want a high quality man to commit then you must also be willing to do your part to snag him. It's a two way street. Having a good job and looking pretty doesn't cut it anymore. You'll have to be proactive and, to be perfectly honest, your fridged views towards sex are going to cause a lot of good catches to slip through your fingers, as you've already discovered. Again, reevaluate your goals and sensibilities and ask yourself which is more important: a good man worth keeping or traditional views towards sex? That's the bottom line. And stop thinking of settling as being a negative. In the context of this discussion it's actually a form of compromising, which is actually a virtue when it comes to relationships.
Mother nature is neither a feminist or politically correct.
Last edited by Nutz76; 01-10-2010 at 05:38 PM..
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, could carry on a conversation about darn near anything, but didn't have the degree. I'm pretty sure the fact that he turned out to be a jerk had nothing to do with his lack of a degree either. However, even if a guy doesn't have a degree, I still want someone who comes across as educated, can challenge me in Trivial Pursuit 
and knows how to spell his own name 
)
