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Makes sense to me, Julia. I see living together as a good way to test your compatibility. It's not foolproof, but it lets you see the other person more like you'd see him/her as a spouse. If you split during that period of time it probably saved you from an unhappy marriage or divorce.
It's too easy to look at survey results and find the right answer to the wrong question. It seems most surveys are written to get specific answers -- to "prove" a point. I don't trust most survey results.
I agree. Studies and statistics can be easily manipulated to say what we want them to say.
You bring up a good point, which I highlighted above in red. I don't fully agree with it, but prompts the question, "How is success measured?" As has been discussed in other threads, the rate of divorce is going down (it's not the 50% that is so often heard!), but so is the rate of marriage. Cohabitation plays a part of this, I'm sure.
Dude - nobody had called you names. Do you even read your own posts before posting them? You are very rude. Very rude and condescending. In fact in this relationship forum, I haven't encountered such rudeness in a long time. People who disagree with you are hyper-sensitive, close-minded, and etc... Almost every one of your posts have an "eye-rolling" smiley, almost everyone of your posts have insults. This shows a very weak, condescending character on your part. You are the one who is calling people names, I suggest you go back and re-read this thread, because you don't seem to have a clear picture of how you are corresponding with us here. After I came back to this thread and finished reading it, I started to feel really sorry for you.
If these statistics are so important to you, we are not in the position to argue. These are your values and if this is the information you rely on to guide you, that's fine. Have a Happy New Year.
And this coming from an extremely rude, argumentative person.
Facts are facts - and they point to the fact that you, because you lived with your boyfriend before marrying him - are at a higher risk of divorce. THAT is why YOU are going ballistic about this.
Nevermind that I have repeatedly wished you well in your marriage. You're just pissed because somebody has cited facts and statistics - and a lot of them, by the way - that you don't like. You've offered no evidence to the contrary. None. You just stick your fingers in your ears and keep repeating that data, statistics and facts mean nothing.
And this coming from an extremely rude, argumentative person.
Facts are facts - and they point to the fact that you, because you lived with your boyfriend before marrying him - are at a higher risk of divorce. THAT is why YOU are going ballistic about this.
Nevermind that I have repeatedly wished you well in your marriage. You're just pissed because somebody has cited facts and statistics - and a lot of them, by the way - that you don't like. You've offered no evidence to the contrary. None. You just stick your fingers in your ears and keep repeating that data, statistics and facts mean nothing.
Weird. Just weird.
Nobody is pissed because these statistics do not affect anyone here personally.
Okay, I tried to bring some sense to you, but it's not working, so I'll just stop trying. As my husband says: "you can only work with the workable".
This thread is hilarious - in a perverted and pathetic sort of way.
One guy steps up and cites statistics, studies and facts that PROVE that living together before marriage makes divorce more likely.
And all but one or two of the members is just flat-out pissed, and goes ballistic about it. There has been NO evidence given to support the claim that living together before marriage is BETTER. Nope, just a lot of screaming and yelling and fact-ignoring.
I'm beginning to wonder if the Relationships Forum needs to be re-named the "We Need Therapy Forum." The behavior of the majority of the people in this thread has indicated that that would be a more appropriate name.
Nobody is pissed because these statistics do not affect anyone here personally.
Okay, I tried to bring some sense to you, but it's not working, so I'll just stop trying. As my husband says: "you can only work with the workable".
You're right. Being closed-minded, and getting angry about facts is SO much better than actually thinking, reading and pondering points that are contrary to your pre-conceived notions.
I think it's pretty apparent that people who live together before marriage (or at least w/ multiple people b4 they marry) have a higher risk of divorce, BUT I don't think that's really why they have a higher rate of divorce.
Bear w/ me here for a minute. ...I think the reason behind the lower divorce rate is that many times they probably have deep religious and/or moral views regarding divorce and marriage, which is probably why they chose to not live together in the first place!
It doesn't mean their marriage is better tho, just that they are still married.
I could be wrong, but most of the people, no ALL of the people that I know that did not cohabitate b4 marriage w/ their spouse or anybody else also do not believe in divorce as an option (i.e they are morally opposed to it). i think that may have a lot to do w/ it.
I don't know--I would say it's about even from people I have observed in my peer group (I am 27) the divorces of did not live together vs. lived together--if there is a higher number of divorces in the lived together set it's only because I know more people in the lived together set.
I would think that part of the reason is that living together is generally acceptable now except by the extremely religious. Generally the extremely religious would not walk away as easily from a marriage (as to them it could mean eternal fire--not just legal proceedings)--
I think it's pretty apparent that people who live together before marriage (or at least w/ multiple people b4 they marry) have a higher risk of divorce, BUT I don't think that's really why they have a higher rate of divorce.
Bear w/ me here for a minute. ...I think the reason behind the lower divorce rate is that many times they probably have deep religious and/or moral views regarding divorce and marriage, which is probably why they chose to not live together in the first place!
It doesn't mean their marriage is better tho, just that they are still married.
I could be wrong, but most of the people, no ALL of the people that I know that did not cohabitate b4 marriage w/ their spouse or anybody else also do not believe in divorce as an option (i.e they are morally opposed to it). i think that may have a lot to do w/ it.
You're right. And that is exactly what I've mentioned in previous posts.
Success in marriage is about many things, as is failure in marriage. Not just one.
What is helpful is for people to examine what's driving the fact that living together before marriage increases the likelihood of divorce. It is NOT helpful for people to just start screaming that it isn't true, or attacking the person who states that fact. And that is about all that has happened on this thread.
I don't know--I would say it's about even from people I have observed in my peer group (I am 27) the divorces of did not live together vs. lived together--if there is a higher number of divorces in the lived together set it's only because I know more people in the lived together set.
I would think that part of the reason is that living together is generally acceptable now except by the extremely religious. Generally the extremely religious would not walk away as easily from a marriage (as to them it could mean eternal fire--not just legal proceedings)--
I believe you're probably correct about the extremely religious. But I wonder if their reluctance to walk away from a bad marriage might just mean they invest in saving it, rather than seeking divorce.
Regarding your personal peer group, that observation is certainly worth noting. It's just that we need to look at the bigger pictures too - and that's what the studies and statistics do.
I think it's pretty apparent that people who live together before marriage (or at least w/ multiple people b4 they marry) have a higher risk of divorce, BUT I don't think that's really why they have a higher rate of divorce.
Bear w/ me here for a minute. ...I think the reason behind the lower divorce rate is that many times they probably have deep religious and/or moral views regarding divorce and marriage, which is probably why they chose to not live together in the first place!
It doesn't mean their marriage is better tho, just that they are still married.
I could be wrong, but most of the people, no ALL of the people that I know that did not cohabitate b4 marriage w/ their spouse or anybody else also do not believe in divorce as an option (i.e they are morally opposed to it). i think that may have a lot to do w/ it.
I agree with you. This is not about living together, it's the type of demographics that would decide to live together prior to marriage in the first place. It's direct correlation between religion/moral views and divorce rates.
The so called statistics do not show why these couples decided to live together and the reasons behind it. That's why I say that those statistics should be taken with a grain of salt only and shouldn't guide anyone's decisions.
Nobody refuses the numbers per say, but when it comes to relationships, it can get so skewed and so inaccurate, that ultimately it cannot possibly considered as the guide to decision making. It's not like buying a car, where everything is black and white.
That's why I find this argument so strange as to why someone would be so passionate about such topic and not only that, completely not see anyone else's opinion as anything valuable as to why people don't take such statistics seriously. Mind-boggling.
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...I think the reason behind the lower divorce rate is that many times they probably have deep religious and/or moral views regarding divorce and marriage, which is probably why they chose to not live together in the first place! 
