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I think that there has to be a reasonable amount for child support. My exhusband makes over 90k a year. However, I get 800/ month for three kids. It should be 33% of his pay check. When we divorced I signed a waiver that I knew the amount should be more but that I was agreeing to the 800/month. Why did I do this?? Lots of reasons, but the biggest one is that I felt that if he gave me more it would hurt him financially and he deserved to start his life with someone else. He's still single. But he appreciates this and if the boys ever need anything extra they could go to their dad and he helps them. Why because he knows I was very kind in the divorce for CS and that keeps the strain off our relationship. We have three sons together I dont want him to resent me because of CS. Bottom line he works hard for his money and takes care if his children not because the court imposed it but because he trully wants to. I just think its better for everyone. Would it be easier if we got the 33% of his salary ....HELLL YES!! But things have to balance out and for us it does this way.
Oh how I wish his ex was as considerate as you!!
She "tries to keep our payments down" as she says.. which doesn't really make sense when she writes letters every year to the DCSE stating how she doesn't have money, and her son is enrolled in all these classes
Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy to support HIM. I wish we could ease her "monthly bill burden" by paying for his classes, and school supplies and clothes etc. But, we can't do that. What DOES make me angry is her stating that she can't work nights, weekends, or holidays, nor can she work full time. Her reasoning? Because she will not get government assistance, and she won't get her schooling paid for. Wait.. what?? Where is OUR money going to then?? She is able to work part time, get our child support money AND get the government assistance that she didn't need. The boy is 8... he is in full time school, and she lives at home with her mom..
I dated this guy that moved in a couple of apartments down from me. He was separated from his wife (she kicked him out for drinking too much I think), and had been having an affair with his married neighbor for the last 5 years (wife didn't know this). There was a point when he broke it off with the neighbor (he wanted her to leave her husband) and we sort of dated. Then he got back with the neighbor, his wife found out and I got the he** out of that mess It was ok because it was very new.
But, he never missed a child support payment, his kids visited all the time and he never missed one of his kids soccer games or whatever. He's a good guy that just tried to get away with way too much. I think this is why he drinks...all the guilt. Guess when he stops screwing around maybe he'll be able to stop. What can I say, I was young?
Anyway, my point is that just because they take care of their kids doesn't mean I'd want to be involved with them.
I think that there is one poster who joined in on this thread that gives you a pretty good idea of what you might be in for if you date a guy behind in his child support. If that is what you are into, then go for it!
funny,a abortion "choice to be a parent or not" on one side is called a "right" or "choice"...yet on a man"s side deciding not to be a father he gets hauled off to jail and is called a dead beat.
Well here is a novel idea...if men feel they should have the right to become a Father or not...don't have unprotected sex with someone so she can get pregnant...
Some will say the woman lies about taking birthcontrol pills, absolutely wrong of a woman to trap a man like that, then maybe men shouldn't be sleeping with someone who would lie to them...
Heres another huge idea, maybe men should learn to control their bodies rather then the other way around, the ability to do so is supposed to be one of the things sets us apart from the animals...
Men who cry about child support, men who cry that they should have a choice to become a parent or not and mean to be able to bow out and leave the woman holding the bag make me particularly sick...I find it astonishing that anyone could be so self absorbed but somehow they do...AND evidently with the morals of an alley cat too boot.
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Evlevo: And if you do have a kid and have to pay child support.... no complaining! It may be tough having your ex take your money, but the child is taking her $$$ (and time, and emotion) as well, and she doesn't have the option of "getting behind for a year or two" in child-rearing.
Sam I Am: You're not too poor to have plenty of time to send out weird messages on the internet - shut it off, sell the computer, give the kid the money, figure out the bus route and get a second job in the time you now have to NOT post on a forum, and yes - if you have to live in your car, that's what you need to do. I don't care how much your ex makes, she didn't have that child by herself. Make an effort....get some free legal help to reduce your debt, take bankruptcy on everything else (you can't on child support, of course, but whatever other massive debt you have you may be able to Chapter 11 or 13 out of)....there goes your debt and you can start taking care of your child. Even if you only pay $25 a week, it is at least something. And no, you don't get a say in where that money goes. Sorry. Mom is putting a roof over the kid's head, paying utilities putting clothes on the back, and feeding meals. She doesn't need to account to you for where the child support money goes - house payment, utilities and groceries pretty much say it all.
I don't know what "it's given" means, but you are one angry soul. I've not seen a post of yours where you didn't blame someone else for your own misfortune. Quit blaming and get proactive.
Lisa from Debary: Men who cry about child support, men who cry that they should have a choice to become a parent or not and mean to be able to bow out and leave the woman holding the bag make me particularly sick...I find it astonishing that anyone could be so self absorbed but somehow they do...AND evidently with the morals of an alley cat too boot.
All good posts! Sorry, but this thread has made me so upset! With good reason. My daughter and I even kept the one check for TWO CENTS we received once for child support!!! Oh, the answers are on another thread about all I've done -- more than most would do -- and the non-results that happen. I also work in the field, so I know about more resources -- this country has got to change its attitudes about letting deadbeat dads off the hook.
I wonder if this Flipper guy has truly flipped his lid! Maybe he's my ex – maybe my ex finally learned to use a computer (doubt it, though).
I have heard these sob tales for years from my ex: "Oh, I don't have the money," (he buys himself $600 shoes!); "I don't have a decent job," (He works off the books and gets paid more than I do); "I don't even see my daughter," (Hey, buddy, you never WANTED to – now she's 17 and hates you!); "What? They can garnish my Social Security when I'm old? I'm going to be a poor old man??" (That's right – we're poor now – see what it feels like.) "I could just go and be homeless – I've done it before – of course, I was the best-looking homeless guy there was – had my membership at the gym, only drank the best rum, always had a lady on my arm…." I'd LOVE to see you homeless – just like we've been before because your sorry butt wouldn't help out!
The stories I could tell. I'D NEVER DATE A MAN WHO DID NOT PAY SUPPORT, NOR SAW HIS CHILDREN!!
I have literally sacrificed my life for my daughter – and she is worth it! I have raised a great human being who will be a great contribution to society – no thanks to "him!" I work two jobs! I have an old car with 130,000 miles on it!! I don't have any new clothes – we get ours from the Goodwill. I only buy food on sale. I cook everything from scratch.
My kid is an Honor Student. She was a foreign exchange student because it took me over 6 months to get scholarships for her – and it wasn't easy! But it can be done.
These pathetic souls who call themselves "fathers," when they're only sperm donors, make me sick. THESE CHILDREN HAVE FEELINGS!! THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS!
This is not a game about who makes more money. Kids cost a LOT more in time, energy, emotion, caring for them when they are sick, helping them through emotional difficulties, school work, the endless school projects, getting scholarships for low-income people so that they can participate in "normal" things that kids who have two parents do.
Flipper – you need some serious counseling. I hope you do not date. Your child will no doubt end up hating you, just like my daughter hates her father – and with good reason. Could he have even sent a birthday card? Oh, I know, it was like what, 39 cents to mail it?? A buck to buy one or make your own?? A phone call for 5 minutes?
I have no sympathy for whiny losers like this. Sorry folks, but this guy is sick. I have a hunch there is a WHOLE lot more going on than we're hearing here – thank goodness it is cyberspace!
Well here is a novel idea...if men feel they should have the right to become a Father or not...don't have unprotected sex with someone so she can get pregnant...
Some will say the woman lies about taking birthcontrol pills, absolutely wrong of a woman to trap a man like that, then maybe men shouldn't be sleeping with someone who would lie to them...
Heres another huge idea, maybe men should learn to control their bodies rather then the other way around, the ability to do so is supposed to be one of the things sets us apart from the animals...
Men who cry about child support, men who cry that they should have a choice to become a parent or not and mean to be able to bow out and leave the woman holding the bag make me particularly sick...I find it astonishing that anyone could be so self absorbed but somehow they do...AND evidently with the morals of an alley cat too boot.
Im not saying its a choice at all,if someone has a kid either a mother or father its a responsibility they should take on.My one comment was something that strikes me on the right to choose debate.
Personally if I had a child,my child's needs would come before mine.My other comment was about depending on the court and judge,and lawyers depends on how equal things really turn out.Yes a father has a responsibility to provide.
You know, if a woman couldn't afford her children, they would have told her she shouldn't have spread her legs.
If a man couldn't afford his children...don't stick it in.
Yes, sometimes emergencies come up. Someone could get in a car accident and not be able to work ever, and then the court would take that into consideration. Children come first, no matter what.
I had children I couldn't afford. Yep, I'm not a saint. So what did I do? I made it so I could afford them. I put MYSELF through school-no help from anyone, worked my butt off at night waitressing...and here I am a teacher, affording them.
All the sob stories I hear from men and women alike, I don't even listen to them. I was one of them. Thank GOD I'm not now. You do what you can to give your children EVERYTHING.
Can't work? Get a job working from home. Be a telemarketer. Take up writing and get out a book. If you're that bad, try to get your social security and disability-whatever.
I am a single Mother, I have been alone from the start. He never paid one day of child support.
I had hoped that once she was born he would become attached to his child, I did everything I could to encourage it...it didn't work.
I asked him to sign over his parental rights but told him he could still see her whenever he wanted...it didn't have to be in my home...she is 10 now and he has chosen to not see her since she was 6 months old.
Now that I am past all that, I use the history of how a man treats his children to judge them...I simply couldn't date a man who didn't pay child support...
You sound like a great Mom. It is his loss.
My h. paid little support for his son from the first marriage-now tries to act like they are best friends. His son is now 21. His son doesnt call him- really wants nothing to do with him.
I have a friend who thought all was well and good when she was married. While pregnant with number two, he went out for the proverbial pack of cigarettes and never returned.
They divorced, and he was always behind on child support, and always one step ahead of the law on this. So she raised two kids in her moms basement apartment.
Now they are in college. And there are serious medical problems in the family, and she has supported them all these years. So guess who they caught in a bar on the eve of his wedding to his next victim recently? Uh huh. He is now paying $40,000 in back child support over a period of several years. Time for tuition and doctor bills. Sweet.
As for his next victim, he told her that he had no children. He lied. I think she married him anyway.
Gosh what would a poor fella like this do without a meal ticket.
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I once dated a loser....but he was a good father.
It was ok because it was very new.
