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He either is doing her or he damn sure intends to.
Unfortunately that is exactly what is going on. Your husband has either been having an affair or is working really hard on one. I think that the former is more likely, in the email your husband seems to be desperate to maintain whatever was going on with this woman while she is attempting to kick him to the curb as gently as possible. You mentioned that this woman is your husband's subordinate at work, that would explain why she can't just blow him off completely, she does have to worry about his reaction. Either way, the fact that you husband is sending this type of correspondence to another woman is in no way good news and part of a normal marital relationship.
Understood, but do you really think he'd cop to an affair? I don't think he would. It sounds to me like he is interested, and she is not but since he is her boss, she's being polite? But I do think they must have had something at some time - I mean, the whoel, "You went dark on me again" And "I hate that feeling and I hate advoiding you even more."
Having a work spouse who he talks to is fine with me, but having a physical affair outside of work is not okay with me. I understand how people who work closely together can get to be close friends. Just not sure if this is a friend or an ex-girlfriend!
I cant say what I "think" he would do, as I dont know your husband and you only put that one email up for us to read. I totally get if its like a "work spouse" but if you dont watch yourself these can get very out of hand. You can find many threads about such things on here and how they are not going to well.
Also if your husband is her boss then that is NOT ok in my book. I mean thats setting himself up for all sorts of problems. He seems more interested in her then she is in him, which in that case can lead to her feeling very uncomfortable at the workplace.
You really need to sit him down and have a one on one chat with him. This could all be one big misunderstanding!!! But it could also be more. And quite honestly no one here will be able to tell you. You should talk to him asap.
Omigod, do you see what I mean? It only took ONCE!
But I'm NOT jumping to conclusions, I'm asking for opinions because I know these things happen. I also do not want to pick a fight with him because things are going better now since I've found the email and have worked very hard at being attentive and attractive to him. He works with mainly women anyhow and I've never suspected anything before.
I don't think it's intuition, I think it's a suspicious email. Besides, I have terrible intuition, I never follow it.
Last edited by Lightbulbmoment; 01-12-2010 at 08:45 AM..
I dunno, maybe he said something to offend her and he feels bad. I dunno, I don't feel any "oh baby I want you so bad" coming from that note but maybe I'm just not seeing it.
Without over-analyzing it I don't see it particularly suspect or indicative of an affair. Tea versus coffee? Sharing of family details? Not exactly a Holiday Inn tryst by any stretch of the imagination.
If you bring it up with him on the basis that you sneaked a peek at his cellphone and went through the messages then you're going to have a problem because that's a total violation of privacy.
Better you casually ask him about this subordinate worker. Has he mentioned her to you? During a conversation about his work you might delve a little deeper but very casually about his coworkers and subordinates. If he broaches that she's having a hard time finding friends or whatever, suggest he invite her over for dinner and invite a couple of other friends too, maybe even a single male friend or two.
With all due respect for my feline population there is more than one way of skinning a cat. Good luck!
Also if your husband is her boss then that is NOT ok in my book. I mean thats setting himself up for all sorts of problems. He seems more interested in her then she is in him, which in that case can lead to her feeling very uncomfortable at the workplace.
+1000 on this. As her boss, this type of activity is completely inappropriate, even getting close to the line of scumbaggery. He could easily get fired and sued for this type of behavior. How would you feel if you had zero romantic interest in your boss and he sent you this kind of email?
IMO, the whole email had a somewhat creepy stalker vibe to it especially if the person that sent it was your boss.
You went dark on me again.
Which is fine, I just want to know when I'm overstepping my bounds
so that I don't confuse or annoy you.
Again, so this has happened before.
Overstepping bounds, so a situation occurred where boundaries were needed to be set.
Quote:
What I hate is the feeling that comes over me when I hear nothing back from you.
I immediately begin to think I've gone too far, you don't want me in contact with you, etc.
Then I try to avoid you, which is ever harder. Then it festers. blah. blah. blah. blah.
I hate that feeling. I hate avoding you even more.
So I'm sending this note. Hopefully, you'll send one back.
Her response: Dark? No, I just don't feel well. I need to get some rest this weekend. Are you in next week? We should do coffee.
Seems to me she wants whatever did occur to end, and he won't allow it. Like others said, maybe she doesn't put a definite end to it because he is her boss.
Quote:
Husband's response:
Quote:
Thanks. You know I would love to. But let's make it tea... better for you. =)
Man I wish you could get your health back in order. It must be frustrating and draining.
I don't know how you pull it off because you always look so beautiful.
<End of email>
Well? What would you make of this? Thanks.
So she throws out that little bone, his demeanor changes completely, wants to be the "man" by offering a better alternative, then gives her a compliment.
I honestly believe something happened in the past, she has ended it with boundaries, he continues to overstep those boundaries, and she probably wishes she could cut all ties completely, but can't. Time to talk to your husband.
+1000 on this. As her boss, this type of activity is completely inappropriate, even getting close to the line of scumbaggery. He could easily get fired and sued for this type of behavior. How would you feel if you had zero romantic interest in your boss and he sent you this kind of email?
IMO, the whole email had a somewhat creepy stalker vibe to it especially if the person that sent it was your boss.
I agree! Being that the letter is to one of his employees really puts a twist into things, and would make it incredibly uncomfortable for anyone in the womans position to get emails like that from her boss.
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Men don't emotionally expose themselves to a woman that they have not consumated a relationship with. That sounds way too familiar to be innocent and I think there has been some sort of physical intimacy.
It doesn't make sense otherwise.
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