How do I convince him? (married, women, love, sex)
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Hi everyone and anyone.
I have a bit of a problem, and it seems none of my friends have experienced anything like it, and therefor, have no advice. So, I was hoping maybe one of you might know what I should do.
You see, I have this friend, a close freind, and I really would like to be more than friends with him. But, when I confronted him on the subject, he imparted to me that he doesn't think he can be anything but a friend, because supposedly relationships are based on sex, and he is, after some research we discovered, asexual. He has no sex drive, no romantic attraction whatsoever.
Well, I can live without sex, thats fine. All sex seems to lead to is trouble anyhow. But, no matter how I try to tell him that I don't care if he's asexual, he still thinks that I secretly find him disgusting for it, and that he can never have a valid relationship.
How would you convince him? How do I get him to understand that I don't need sex, or any of that, all I want is to know that he cares, and that maybe, no matter how disfunctional it might be, maybe we can be together. I mean, there has to be some feelings there, at one point in time he told me he wished we could get married.
I just need to find a way to show him that I love him, no matter what.
Please help?
This dude is a flake, walk away.
It's one thing to show somone how much you love them, but if you have to convince them, walk away.
While relationships are not based soley on sex (you have to have something to do in between), he has no romantic attraction you (assuming that's what you meant), walk away.
How would you convince him? How do I get him to understand that I don't need sex, or any of that, all I want is to know that he cares, and that maybe, no matter how disfunctional it might be, maybe we can be together.
Please help?
The one thing that comes to my mind right away is to be absolutely, 100% sure that if you do end up in a relationship with him that you truly believe that a lack of sex or romancing will be okay with you in the long term. It's easy to say it, harder to do it. Don't go into it thinking that you will change him...be prepared to have a sexless and unromantic relationship.
The other thought that crossed my mind is that he simply does not want to have a relationship and is trying to come up with excuses to let you down more easily (blaming himself versus blaming you).
Lastly - be careful with how hard you try to "convince" him because you could come off looking desperate.....
The one thing that comes to my mind right away is to be absolutely, 100% sure that if you do end up in a relationship with him that you truly believe that a lack of sex or romancing will be okay with you in the long term. It's easy to say it, harder to do it. Don't go into it thinking that you will change him...be prepared to have a sexless and unromantic relationship.
The other thought that crossed my mind is that he simply does not want to have a relationship and is trying to come up with excuses to let you down more easily (blaming himself versus blaming you).
Lastly - be careful with how hard you try to "convince" him because you could come off looking desperate.....
I lived with this for years and it's not easy. I hope you have examined and questioned your own motivation for wanting to be involved in a relationship like this. Will you be happy forever with this type of person? Why are you willing to settle for so little?
And forget trying to change him. He has deep seated issues that would take a lot of work to resolve. He is not normal. I'm not saying he is bad....just not normal.
Seems to me you are already getting what he is capable of giving.
I agree with all the above posters. If your relationship continues and you still feel the way you do and he is still skeptical I can only suggest a couples councelor to assist you both in making your issues more clear.
Asexual could mean a lot of things, and it's his explanation or reason to not be in the position for him to reveal more about him.
A few possibilities.
1. No libido due to hormonal imbalance -- low testosterone, thyroid issues, etc.
2. Physical deformity with his member, that reflects his perception of his own manhood.
If he doesn't want a relationship there is not much you can do to convince him otherwise. In the long run you have the potential to alienate him and break your heart.
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