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Old 01-12-2010, 11:52 AM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 1,027,676 times
Reputation: 440

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I never saw this as a big deal when I was with my ex. I got to thinking about this after reading a few posts on here and it makes me wonder...

Why is there such an issue with not sharing everything with your spouse?

I mean of course if you should not be "snooping" in order to find out something to fight about with you SO and you shouldn't do it bc there isnt trust. Because if there isn't any trust then you shouldn't be with that person anyway...just my opinion.

My last relationship everything that was mine was his. My ex could play games on my phone, go through my phone, use my email (hell he could read my sent emails if he'd like), and if he wanted he could go through every single personal item of mine. He never would but if he did I wouldn't have cared.

Then I have a friend of mine who is married and they have a child together. If her phone goes off its ok for him to answer it or reply to a text and she doesnt care, but he CLEARLY gets irritated when she does it with his phone. I just cant wrap my mind around it. My ex would get p*ssy if I answered his phone too!

My point I suppose is that when you are in a committed relationship nothing should be hidden? Sure we all need our privacy but it just seems completely silly to me to be so defensive about a cell phone or email unless there is something to hide. Only when a person begins to act a fool does it raise suspicion...so why do it?

Are any of you CD posters against using each others phone or whatever? Do you feel the same way as me? Am I making this to be more simple then it is? Haha I just dont think it should be something to fight over.
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Old 01-12-2010, 11:57 AM
 
2,884 posts, read 5,915,464 times
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Well, I don't have a phone, so it's not big deal.

But do value my privacy. If my wife begins to feel unsure, she knows she can come talk to me, and I will show her any thing she needs to satisfy her questions.

But I value my privacy, and respect hers as much as I want mine respected.
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:04 PM
 
217 posts, read 803,925 times
Reputation: 129
I think you pretty much answered your own question.
If one (or both) doesn't want the other in their phone history, email, etc., then they're obviously hiding something.

But, there ARE instances where the secrecy is warranted.
Let's say, for example, you have a BF/GF/W/H, whatever, who absolutely blows their stack if you have a friend(s) of the opposite sex and it's simply not worth the aggravation of having to fight over it....Well.......I'm not saying it's right to hide stuff - But I understand.
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:05 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 1,027,676 times
Reputation: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by scarmig View Post
Well, I don't have a phone, so it's not big deal.

But do value my privacy. If my wife begins to feel unsure, she knows she can come talk to me, and I will show her any thing she needs to satisfy her questions.

But I value my privacy, and respect hers as much as I want mine respected.
I do understand that some people are just for more private then others. I suppose its just because I'm not very private at all. Anyone who knows me can know anything they want, I feel like its too much of a burden to hold things in or keep secrets.

What you said makes sense, if you wife can come to you about anything then thats great. Maybe I should've asked about communication in relationships and why some lose theres....hmmmm I feel another thread coming on! haha
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:08 PM
 
4,533 posts, read 8,312,157 times
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She can go through my stuff, however I will tell her not to open up a drawer if I have bought her a gift.

One time she went through my side of the closet and put a pair of old pants in the donate clothes bag. Now I don't mind donating, but I wasn't thrilled that she didn't tell me this. I found out because the bag split and I had to put them in a new bag. Reason is the pair I wanted to have donated was too small on me but it had the same look and color as some of my other pants. Tell me up front, let me decide because I know what fits on me best.
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:12 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 1,027,676 times
Reputation: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by thebobs View Post
She can go through my stuff, however I will tell her not to open up a drawer if I have bought her a gift.

One time she went through my side of the closet and put a pair of old pants in the donate clothes bag. Now I don't mind donating, but I wasn't thrilled that she didn't tell me this. I found out because the bag split and I had to put them in a new bag. Reason is the pair I wanted to have donated was too small on me but it had the same look and color as some of my other pants. Tell me up front, let me decide because I know what fits on me best.
Haha well I hope you never have that issue again!!
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Kuwait City, Kuwait.
1,125 posts, read 2,187,042 times
Reputation: 1063
- Answering phones is not a problem. Any of my previous SO's could do that. In fact, anyone who is my close friend/family could do that, no problems. Reading my texts is a violation of my privacy though. I have nothing to hide, but it is disrespectful to go through them without my permission. I don't even do that to anyone, and I don't want people do that to me.

- Emails also. My work email is full of wishy-washy talk with other work colleagues [mainly women] but apart from the odd flirts, I haven't done anything outrageous that would jeopardise my relationship [when I had one]. My personal email is just that - personal. Again, got nothing to hide and nothing I have sent or received is anything bad, but I am a person who value his privacy a lot. I would never go through my SO's e-mails, texts etc. so I would expect her not to go though mine either.

I don't understand why people are so fixed up on "sharing everything". Yeah, sure, we are a couple, but I do have a life outside our relationship and I want to maintain that life and bit of privacy without being violated. I respect other people's right for personal space, and I want mine to respected as well. If I ever found out that my SO went through my texts, emails etc. I would be very upset, and that trust I had in her would diminish quicker than I can have a w a n k.
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,032 posts, read 24,564,888 times
Reputation: 20164
Quote:
Originally Posted by thebobs View Post
She can go through my stuff, however I will tell her not to open up a drawer if I have bought her a gift.

One time she went through my side of the closet and put a pair of old pants in the donate clothes bag. Now I don't mind donating, but I wasn't thrilled that she didn't tell me this. I found out because the bag split and I had to put them in a new bag. Reason is the pair I wanted to have donated was too small on me but it had the same look and color as some of my other pants. Tell me up front, let me decide because I know what fits on me best.
Same here about telling the other which area is "off-limit" because of things like presents. He always rummages through my handbag to get change or money if he hasn't been able to go to the cashpoint and it doesn't bother me in the slightest , apart from him leaving it in a mess as he usually does.

However I would never throw away anything of my Husband's without asking him first. That is really quite rude and thoughtless. We all have attachments for different things and I do not presume to understand why he loves that this or that but if it means that much to him then I understand and respect that.

We share email addresses and even share a cell phone ( as we basically hardly ever use it socially it made little sense to have another one - he has one for work) and I have no problems with that. Neither of us snoop around, we don't need to as everything is open to the other if they want to .

Quite frankly I think he would find my emails pretty tedious but if he really wants to read them then by all means... I have no interest in his emails whatsoever. I trust him entirely. I find that if people put "FAO..." (.either my name or his) then there is no confusion whatsoever as to whom the email is addressed.

Pretty much all our friends are shared also so I guess there is less of an issue anyway.
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:24 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 1,027,676 times
Reputation: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorrans View Post
- Answering phones is not a problem. Any of my previous SO's could do that. In fact, anyone who is my close friend/family could do that, no problems. Reading my texts is a violation of my privacy though. I have nothing to hide, but it is disrespectful to go through them without my permission. I don't even do that to anyone, and I don't want people do that to me.

- Emails also. My work email is full of wishy-washy talk with other work colleagues [mainly women] but apart from the odd flirts, I haven't done anything outrageous that would jeopardise my relationship [when I had one]. My personal email is just that - personal. Again, got nothing to hide and nothing I have sent or received is anything bad, but I am a person who value his privacy a lot. I would never go through my SO's e-mails, texts etc. so I would expect her not to go though mine either.

I don't understand why people are so fixed up on "sharing everything". Yeah, sure, we are a couple, but I do have a life outside our relationship and I want to maintain that life and bit of privacy without being violated. I respect other people's right for personal space, and I want mine to respected as well. If I ever found out that my SO went through my texts, emails etc. I would be very upset, and that trust I had in her would diminish quicker than I can have a w a n k.
I understand your view on privacy, I guess I just didnt realize how private some people are in relationships. Again not that anyone should be "snooping" or anything to be vindictive, just the overall hmmm sharing of each others things I guess.
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,610,400 times
Reputation: 3783
For me, it's a two-part response. Everyone needs some level of privacy along with your own identity. I also think any good relationship can be fair though. If my SO wanted to go through my phone on any given day OR email for that matter, that would be fine and the same is likewise. We just don't because we have no reason to and you need that level of privacy, something that's just, "yours".
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