So anyway, he asks this chick if it's OK with a friend (me) to come along and meet up with her. He told her a little about me & she said it was OK. It was a meet & greet and not an actual date, so it wasn't that weird tagging along. Anyway, I brought my laptop with me & was just going to play on the internet while they chatted.
We get there and he spots her at a table. He was nervous & he shook her hand. Then he introduced me to her and we all sat down. Him and I sat next to each other & she was on the opposite side of the table. Appearance-wise, this girl didn't even look as good as her photos suggested (I suspect they were photoshopped up pretty well). I pull out my laptop and get it going while they begin talking. Immediately things begin to get weird. She indirectly hits on me, telling my friend that I'm really hot & that she's glad I came along. That felt weird & I said "Three's a crowd, I can leave you two alone if you want." They both said "No it's OK stay" but she adds on "Three's not a crowd, I know just how to handle two guys at once."
I just pretended not to hear that and turned my attention to my laptop. I opened up Microsoft Word and slightly turned my laptop to where my friend could see it. Anyway, they continued to talk & he tells her that she seems pretty nice & she's like "Oh thanks, people either say I'm the sweetest girl in the world, or they say I'm the coldest ***** they've ever met." I put my font up big on Word and type "Ask her why she says that?" He sees what I typed and asked her. She replied "I've dated too many *******s, so I just don't care if I break hearts or make a guy cry, but don't worry if you don't slip up you'll be OK." I type on my screen "I think this chick is LOONEY TUNES!" Then I noticed him playing with his phone & then all of a sudden I get an IM from him saying "Now that I've met her, I think you may be right." I try my hardest not to laugh. They talk a bit more & this girl starts getting into some sexually related converstation. I wanted to have a little fun, so I type on my screen "Ask her what's the wildest/craziest thing she's ever done." He asks her and she tells him about a time when she let a bunch of guys run a train on her at a party. He asked her how many & she said "I don't remember, I was pretty drunk, but my friend said it was 12 or 15." My friend had a bit of a shocked look on his face. I typed to him on my screen "What a dirty w***e." He IM'd me and replied "Yeah, that's really pretty gross." I'm trying not to laugh and this girl is starting to get frustrated b/c I think she was beginning to sense something was up. He then IM's me and says, "I'll be right back." Then he gets up and tells her the same thing. Her and I both are a bit perplexed and wondering wtf was going on. So her and I talk a bit while waiting for him to return & I'm only halfway listening to the verbal diarrhea coming out of her mouth. She was telling me she wants to be a marriage counselor since she was nearly done with her Ph.D and I was thinking "Oh boy lol" Then she says after that she wants to be a surgeon. I say "Wow, you have to be pretty smart then." She replies "Hell yeah, I have an IQ of 160, there isn't anything I don't know." I'm sitting there thinking "Yep, narcissist." 20 minutes pass and my friend is still not back, and right about that time she asks if he's coming back or not. I told her that I didn't know. She says "That's OK then, you and I can hang out." I'm thinking "Hell no" and start thinking of an exit plan. I IM my friend and ask "Where the hell are you?" He IM's back and says "Sorry, you were right, I couldn't stand her any longer and oh by the way, sorry for sticking you with her." I reply back "Glad you saw the light, but I'm gonna kill you for leaving me stuck with her!" Anyway, I just tell this girl that my wife and I are going to dinner in a while so I had to go. She says "Since I'm going to be a marriage counselor, I have a question for you." I say OK. She asks "Are you both in an open marriage?" I say "Nope, we aren't into any of that crazy stuff." She says "Well that's too bad since your friend isn't interested b/c I'd totally f*ck you in the parking lot in the back of my SUV."
I just get up and say "Nah, I'd rahter not have my junk turn green and fall off."
Wow, what a piece of work!!!
My friend still says he wished it could have worked with her though.
I told him, just move on and forget it.
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