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Old 01-28-2014, 09:25 AM
 
1 posts, read 630 times
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My husband has a close friendship with an ex- girlfriend. He spends a lot of time talking to her on the phone but assures me that they are only friends. She has talked with him about some things that are hurtful in his life that he just recently shared with me. These issues were causing him unhappiness, not so much with me as his wife but with himself. She "appears" to be a life coach type of person. I have never met her. She lives 5-6 hours away. She has no desire to meet me and frankly I don't want to meet her either. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 wonderful sons. He is very loving but not happy with himself. Should I be worried about their relationship? Never had trust issues before.

Last edited by Scaredtodeath1; 01-28-2014 at 09:27 AM.. Reason: Left out a word
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Old 01-28-2014, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,770 posts, read 11,988,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scaredtodeath1 View Post
My husband has a close friendship with an ex- girlfriend. He spends a lot of time talking to her on the phone but assures me that they are only friends. She has talked with him about some things that are hurtful in his life that he just recently shared with me. These issues were causing him unhappiness, not so much with me as his wife but with himself. She "appears" to be a life coach type of person. I have never met her. She lives 5-6 hours away. She has no desire to meet me and frankly I don't want to meet her either. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 wonderful sons. He is very loving but not happy with himself. Should I be worried about their relationship? Never had trust issues before.
I don't necessarily think you have to worry about an affair, but I would be more concerned why your husband spends his time confiding in his ex-girlfriend instead of talking with you. I wouldn't be happy about that, especially a woman that you have never met in all the years you have been with your husband.
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Old 01-28-2014, 11:56 AM
 
270 posts, read 966,471 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scaredtodeath1 View Post
My husband has a close friendship with an ex- girlfriend. He spends a lot of time talking to her on the phone but assures me that they are only friends. She has talked with him about some things that are hurtful in his life that he just recently shared with me. These issues were causing him unhappiness, not so much with me as his wife but with himself. She "appears" to be a life coach type of person. I have never met her. She lives 5-6 hours away. She has no desire to meet me and frankly I don't want to meet her either. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 wonderful sons. He is very loving but not happy with himself. Should I be worried about their relationship? Never had trust issues before.
Yes you should. He is having an EA (Emotional Affair). Google search "TalkAboutMarriage"
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Old 01-28-2014, 04:47 PM
 
Location: If I tell you, will you visit?
888 posts, read 1,098,124 times
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Edit: Sorry. I didn't look at the dates on the posts and see this was brought back up. Hope this info helps

I have found myself chatting with a couple women on email at this point recently, and it is a pain! I have clearly expressed that I'm not interested in starting any type of relationship, (I'm still screwed up), but while I am okay with just a couple of talking points, the investment on the women's part is full bore. IMO women can talk about anything!!!!! and if accepted at face value, don't have to have any emotional value to share. They can make flirty or leading comments but it is truly just being said in fun.

For me!, It is a lot harder to have that kind of fun. I am not used to having a relationship with a woman, other than to typically have it lead up to some level of commitment. I have a tough time talking to the same woman everyday, and it not mean something, or involve an emotional degree of investment. Am I small minded, or over thinking things? I can accept that. But I sure can't do it everyday. A couple of the women I'm chatting with, are not understanding why I have difficulty with this. They reassure me that they aren't looking for anything from me, but I can't get them to understand that it is the investment from me that is a challenge. I am scared to death of making a flirty or leading comment.

I'm just having a tough time with the dynamics. I suspect most guys would feel the same way I do. If there is a guy out there who can feel comfortable with friend relationships with females, I'd love to know how he does it!
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:01 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scaredtodeath1 View Post
My husband has a close friendship with an ex- girlfriend. He spends a lot of time talking to her on the phone but assures me that they are only friends. She has talked with him about some things that are hurtful in his life that he just recently shared with me. These issues were causing him unhappiness, not so much with me as his wife but with himself. She "appears" to be a life coach type of person. I have never met her. She lives 5-6 hours away. She has no desire to meet me and frankly I don't want to meet her either. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 wonderful sons. He is very loving but not happy with himself. Should I be worried about their relationship? Never had trust issues before.

Of course not. She's a good friend. There is nothing comparable to a good friend that you were once involved with. As a guy, there is a level of trust, a level of acceptance from that person that can't be equaled in other types of friendships. Sure, some people will say talk to you spouse about those things... but often someone outside, a little bit removed, have a perspective that someone there day to day with you can't equal. They're the best friends and best confidants are person can have.
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:03 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,138,646 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykay View Post
This has come up indirectly in the relationships thread a few times recently (and I have my own opinion) but what do you guys think- Can a man and woman be close friends if one or both are married to someone else? Where do you draw the line in male/female friendships like this? At what point does it become a problem or does it?
No, actually, it's come up directly.


Is it possible for men and women to be friends?

Opposite-sex friendships, a spin-off

Why do women always assume you are trying to have sex with them?

Meeting his judgmental female friends.

Why are a lot of younger women naive about their male "friends"?

When a girl calls a guy friend her "bro", it means she's slept with him

Your SO and Their Opposite Sex Friends....

I'm a girl, and yes I hang out with guys because it's less drama
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,749 posts, read 10,354,809 times
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My hubby and I are very close to several other married/couple friends. There are a few couples where I feel I am better friends with the man than the wife (because we have some work history/shared pastimes). One of the wives has known my hubby for decades and they are close (she helped him through his divorce), but I am also a close friend with the wife.

Would I hang out alone socially with a male friend if it did not involve some specific project/work event? Highly unlikely. Would I like if my hubby took his female friend alone to come social activity? Probably not. Mainly because we are each others' best friend (as well as confident, partner, lover, etc.) and that is a relationship role we want to protect and respect. Other relationships may be different.
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