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Maybe we are the deciding factor...or the fact that all American women aren't alike. And with the gals verses the guys...it takes two to tango. Men can be harsh and so can ladies. And I do agree with the foreign opposite sex...they are nicer. I met a Brazilian man and Korean very polite and cared about my feelings...while American men (not all) tossed them, and stomped on them to a pulp.
That may well be. In fact, I'm positive you're correct.
However, I may only base it upon my knowledge of men (being one and therefore being privy to our cult's innermost secrets) and my observations of American women, combined with something myriad people in various other countries have told me, a thing which I take as one of the highest compliments I've enjoyed:
It's quite common for the natives of other lands I visit to get to know me over a few days and then to suddenly stop at some point and remark, as though surprised, "You're AMERICAN!"
I normally smile and respond "I thought the accent gave it away," but their next statement is nigh-invariable.
"But you don't ACT like an American!"
This usually leads to further explanation involving manners and courtesies, the "typical" Americans these people have encountered in their travels, my level of education and/or my ability to communicate reasonably. People abroad have a relatively poor assessment of people from the United States. They believe we're capable of great friendliness overall, even to the point of an obvious naivete, but that we lack more common courtesies and manners, can be surprisingly short-sighted and selfish on a moment's notice, that our educational system has obviously failed us and that our living in relative geographic isolation has NOT served us well with regard to playing well with others.
I tend to agree (and lest we go there, anyone with the attitude of love it or leave it can take a hike; I've served for 22 years and have earned my right to criticize what I see wrong with MY country, that's right, MINE).
That aside and returning to the point, perhaps my problem is that I'm too courteous and reasonable for the majority of the American dating crowd! I have noticed that when I've flirted in the past the best responses came from my delivery of cocky humor which was more on the harsh side -- and I mean with women from coast to coast, so it's not just a regional thing.
And before any women suggest that it's because such humor carries a greater degree of self-confidence which is inherently more appealing to a woman, allow me to ask why this particular brand of "confidence" ISN'T necessary with women from other lands, who seem more interested in my ability to speak on current events, or to offer sound opinions on long-term national affairs, or my ability to discuss myriad subjects ranging from the arts to the sciences?
Now, I'm not saying NO women like this exist in America, or that NO women of the type viewed as "typically American" exist outside our own borders; for in fact what I've discovered is that they do -- but beyond our own borders they're a decided minority. In fact, England, the United States and Australia seem to be the only places where phrases like "typical man" are shoved at me on a regular basis for having incurred some displeasure, while in the rest of Western Europe, in the former Soviet republics, in the Far East, in Scandinavia -- I just didn't HEAR these things despite talking with countless people of both sexes.
I certainly heard about differences between the sexes, but women discussing something they considered "typically male" would roll their eyes and shake their heads and laugh, but ALSO readily say things like "Well, you have to be careful, not all men can be judged like that."
Men, talking over "typically feminine foibles" would do the same eye-rolling and jocular jesting, yet ALSO would say "Well, don't take it to heart because there are LOTS of good women who don't do those things!"
So the question is: WHAT'S the DIFFERENCE, because clearly there IS one.
Why don't men pursue women anymore? Seems it only happens in the movies.
In my own experience, men will give me their phone numbers....and ask me to call them....and I'm 45 years old! This seems messed up.
Any comments gentlemen? Preferably men over 40 to answer please.
(not that the young guys can't answer this.....they don't seem to be the ones afraid....it's the older ones)
You answered your own question. You are too old.
The whole mating game is based just on that: MATING.
A 45 year old woman is near infertile and thus not suited as a mate because she can not produce children. The production of children is, ultimately, why men and women get together. Even if you have no intention of ever having children, it still has created the attraction switches between the genders. An old woman does not flip those switches like a young, fresh woman does.
Sure, you can "cougar it up" if you look good enough but most men, myself included, only act as cub to cougar because its easy sex. Sure, dating a cougar can be fun for other reasons: her experience and ability to kick in more of the tab, but most of us will take the youngest, freshest, most fertile woman we can get our manhood into.
Of course, there are other reasons as well. Some related to the above and others not. One related reason is that women, sadly misinformed that tey could spend their youth, beauty, and fertility on their careers, education, fun, and bad boys, have now found out that no one wants to marry a used up woman. No man wants to hear, as I heard, "well I had my fun but now it's time for you to marry me!" These words are especially ignored if hurled at a man who was ignored for a good chunk of his life by women like her or especially that particular woman.
Other reasons:
1. avaliability of porn- helps a man to take that edge off without games, wondering if he's going to get lucky, fear of disease or pregnancy or false false rape accusations, etc....
2. men who were ignored in their 20's have experienced a drop in their sex drives. Women simply lack that power over them that they once did. Once these men have their sex drives under control, they may decide that they lived ok without a woman for this long... might as well continue.
3. awareness of the corrupt family courts: family courts can destroy a husband and father. Even if not married, incraesingly the law is overstepping its bounds by forcing alimony-like conditions in areas where neither marriage nor common-law marriage exist, such as co-habitating and even to a MISTRESS!!!
3a. judges can order crushing child support based on "imputed wages", i.e. because the judge thinks you can earn that money, it becomes the basis of child support. That you have lost your job, those earnings were based on 70 hour work weeks, or that worknig at that level is bad for your health is not relevant.
4. Sexual harrassment suits: work used to be a great place to meet someone- same social and economic level, same interests, something in common... and indeed there were many secretaries who wanted to marry their boss. NOW you can't even ask a woman out without risking censure and job loss.
5. Excessive demands: women think that because they have jobs and make money, they deserve a man who makes more. That she may be older, ugly, out of shape, have a terrible attitude, and thuglets is irrelevant. I see this a great deal among black professional women especially who bemoan the lack of "good black men." Those good black men are the ones they ignored though and now, at the peak of their power, sure as heck ain't gonna settle down with her! They can get a younger, sexier woman who is agreeable and doesn't have kids. So WHY would he settle with the older package?
There are other reasons as well but I need to head out. Just answering your question.
The whole mating game is based just on that: MATING.
A 45 year old woman is near infertile and thus not suited as a mate because she can not produce children. The production of children is, ultimately, why men and women get together. Even if you have no intention of ever having children, it still has created the attraction switches between the genders. An old woman does not flip those switches like a young, fresh woman does.
Sure, you can "cougar it up" if you look good enough but most men, myself included, only act as cub to cougar because its easy sex. Sure, dating a cougar can be fun for other reasons: her experience and ability to kick in more of the tab, but most of us will take the youngest, freshest, most fertile woman we can get our manhood into.
Of course, there are other reasons as well. Some related to the above and others not. One related reason is that women, sadly misinformed that tey could spend their youth, beauty, and fertility on their careers, education, fun, and bad boys, have now found out that no one wants to marry a used up woman. No man wants to hear, as I heard, "well I had my fun but now it's time for you to marry me!" These words are especially ignored if hurled at a man who was ignored for a good chunk of his life by women like her or especially that particular woman.
Other reasons:
1. avaliability of porn- helps a man to take that edge off without games, wondering if he's going to get lucky, fear of disease or pregnancy or false false rape accusations, etc....
2. men who were ignored in their 20's have experienced a drop in their sex drives. Women simply lack that power over them that they once did. Once these men have their sex drives under control, they may decide that they lived ok without a woman for this long... might as well continue.
3. awareness of the corrupt family courts: family courts can destroy a husband and father. Even if not married, incraesingly the law is overstepping its bounds by forcing alimony-like conditions in areas where neither marriage nor common-law marriage exist, such as co-habitating and even to a MISTRESS!!!
3a. judges can order crushing child support based on "imputed wages", i.e. because the judge thinks you can earn that money, it becomes the basis of child support. That you have lost your job, those earnings were based on 70 hour work weeks, or that worknig at that level is bad for your health is not relevant.
4. Sexual harrassment suits: work used to be a great place to meet someone- same social and economic level, same interests, something in common... and indeed there were many secretaries who wanted to marry their boss. NOW you can't even ask a woman out without risking censure and job loss.
5. Excessive demands: women think that because they have jobs and make money, they deserve a man who makes more. That she may be older, ugly, out of shape, have a terrible attitude, and thuglets is irrelevant. I see this a great deal among black professional women especially who bemoan the lack of "good black men." Those good black men are the ones they ignored though and now, at the peak of their power, sure as heck ain't gonna settle down with her! They can get a younger, sexier woman who is agreeable and doesn't have kids. So WHY would he settle with the older package?
There are other reasons as well but I need to head out. Just answering your question.
lol...J/K...a lot of what you say here is very true...however I think she was looking for a 40+ year old partner anyway so fertility may not be much of a factor.
The whole mating game is based just on that: MATING.
A 45 year old woman is near infertile and thus not suited as a mate because she can not produce children. The production of children is, ultimately, why men and women get together. Even if you have no intention of ever having children, it still has created the attraction switches between the genders. An old woman does not flip those switches like a young, fresh woman does.
Sure, you can "cougar it up" if you look good enough but most men, myself included, only act as cub to cougar because its easy sex. Sure, dating a cougar can be fun for other reasons: her experience and ability to kick in more of the tab, but most of us will take the youngest, freshest, most fertile woman we can get our manhood into.
Of course, there are other reasons as well. Some related to the above and others not. One related reason is that women, sadly misinformed that tey could spend their youth, beauty, and fertility on their careers, education, fun, and bad boys, have now found out that no one wants to marry a used up woman. No man wants to hear, as I heard, "well I had my fun but now it's time for you to marry me!" These words are especially ignored if hurled at a man who was ignored for a good chunk of his life by women like her or especially that particular woman.
.
As a woman, I am myself upside the head and will agree with what you laid out above -
Your "other reasons" are hostile male -BS reasons, IMO.
I think there is some imaginary age/line of demarcation today where the woman prey has to become the predator, driven by a biological clock.
I have a cousin who was so career-driven and enjoying her success and financial independence, that she woke up one morning and OMG SHOCK she was 39. Suddenly she found herself frantically looking for not only a serious relationship, but one which involved marriage and kids - QUICK! LIKE YESTERDAY!
Well, most of the men in her target range were either a) married b) divorced and had kids already (did not want anymore) c) confirmed bachelors d) looking for the younger model.
In the end she did find an SO, but it took here a while to change her expectations and just come to terms with her new reality.
Now in no way does that mean that she was not worthy of a relationship and she did finally find a nice guy, but she had to seek it out actively and chose to accept that she would not have kids with this man (since he already had).
On the other hand, what's with all the head games? If you like somebody, man or woman, show interest. Put some "sweat" in the game. Why is everyone so passive? Showing interest is not pursuing and it does not make you weak. To the OP, if he gave you his number I would say balls in your court. If you like him call him.
lol...J/K...a lot of what you say here is very true...however I think she was looking for a 40+ year old partner anyway so fertility may not be much of a factor.
That picture just went into my hard drive!
I do understand what you are saying but you have to remember that a 40+ year old man may still be interested in having children (or amy not) especially if he has never had children. If this is the case, she's out of luck.
Also, because of this "wiring", a man is still looking younger. Another thread commented how a 40 year old woman was upset that she was being shut out from men of her age group, that only older men were interested in her. That's why.
Your "other reasons" are hostile male -BS reasons, IMO.
Facts are facts. That you do not like them is irrelevant. If they are BS, please take them apart with facts, logic, and rational discourse.
Otherwise, thanks for agreeing with my other points.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameiko
Other reasons:
1. avaliability of porn- helps a man to take that edge off without games, wondering if he's going to get lucky, fear of disease or pregnancy or false false rape accusations, etc....
2. men who were ignored in their 20's have experienced a drop in their sex drives. Women simply lack that power over them that they once did. Once these men have their sex drives under control, they may decide that they lived ok without a woman for this long... might as well continue.
3. awareness of the corrupt family courts: family courts can destroy a husband and father. Even if not married, incraesingly the law is overstepping its bounds by forcing alimony-like conditions in areas where neither marriage nor common-law marriage exist, such as co-habitating and even to a MISTRESS!!!
3a. judges can order crushing child support based on "imputed wages", i.e. because the judge thinks you can earn that money, it becomes the basis of child support. That you have lost your job, those earnings were based on 70 hour work weeks, or that worknig at that level is bad for your health is not relevant.
4. Sexual harrassment suits: work used to be a great place to meet someone- same social and economic level, same interests, something in common... and indeed there were many secretaries who wanted to marry their boss. NOW you can't even ask a woman out without risking censure and job loss.
5. Excessive demands: women think that because they have jobs and make money, they deserve a man who makes more. That she may be older, ugly, out of shape, have a terrible attitude, and thuglets is irrelevant. I see this a great deal among black professional women especially who bemoan the lack of "good black men." Those good black men are the ones they ignored though and now, at the peak of their power, sure as heck ain't gonna settle down with her! They can get a younger, sexier woman who is agreeable and doesn't have kids. So WHY would he settle with the older package?
There are other reasons as well but I need to head out. Just answering your question.
These reasons may be relevant (and for arguments sake be true) for men (maybe like you) who are determined to never get married or have kids. However men still do get married, have children and pursue/show active interest in younger women regardless of these reasons.
My post simply reflected my opinion that men are just less likely to actively pursue women over a certain age and therefore women over that age need to be more pro-active.
Older women can have children too. As long as all the parts are still there.
True..and as was explained to me once by a young lady when I tried to tell her she could still have children after 40: often those kids come out retarded or otherwise mentally handicapped.
Have to consult with the oldest woman to have a child....find out if her child was perfectly healthy or not.
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Maybe we are the deciding factor...or the fact that all American women aren't alike. And with the gals verses the guys...it takes two to tango. Men can be harsh and so can ladies. And I do agree with the foreign opposite sex...they are nicer. I met a Brazilian man and Korean very polite and cared about my feelings...while American men (not all) tossed them, and stomped on them to a pulp.
Seems it only happens in the movies.
myself upside the head and will agree with what you laid out above -
