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I can't speak for anyone else, but I stopped chasing and became celibate when I realized I preferred porn to dating. Another reason was the current laws, in which I could be sent to prison and have my life ruined by someone's word.
I appreciate your response mikeetc....I guess I'm just old fashioned
It's tit for tat, it sounds as if you want the man to put all the effort forth while you sit back and giggle. Next time a guy approaches and offers his number and requests you call him you could reply "no, you call me instead." and give him your number. That is along as you're interested of course.
Oh, and also guys probably prefer giving out their number because of the annoying tendency of many women to give false numbers or not respond when you call them. One thing is being able to take risks, another is to put up with BS.
I just have to say that out of all the ages a woman can be, the 40s is probably the age they're most comfortable with themselves. They still have they're looks, have accepted their imperfections, high sex drive, been successful in their careers, etc. That being said, I think women of the age feel more incomplete about not having a partner then men do of the same age and so take a much more proactive approach to seeking one out. Men of similar age, on the other hand, find great comfort just sinking in to playing with all their toys they've amassed.
This all translates to 40+ women being very forward and rabidly going after the men they want. Realize who you're competing against! If you're going to sit there all coy and shy, you're going to be left behind. Clocks are ticking here...
I see it at the local dance hall around here. Many older guys are just nice farm raised, shy, all-shucks types and the women do the approaching, ask for the dances, make the first moves. Are these guys wimpy? Dunno, maybe...all I know is why chase the cow when the cow comes to you
Last edited by HansProof; 01-18-2010 at 09:42 AM..
1. 45 is not exactly the prime dating years. You don't look as good as you used to look.
2. Men in that age range are also no quite as woman obsessed. They have less desire.
3. More women are taken, cynical or otherwise complicated. So why ask? Its not like in college when she is likely single.
4. Some men are pursing younger women and there are fewer of them. In that age range the numbers are skewed against women after 40.
Sorry to say but after 40 women need to start chasing men to get one that is suitable.
1. 45 is prime dating years for men: more world experience, usually more money, more maturity.
2. Yeah, we are more experienced and less desperate. But we still desire and appreciate a woman's touch
3.Who says we can't date college age women? In my experience they love a mature man who can think with the brain in their big head
4.Now you have a point there
I responded to several of your comments that I bolded, but I responded within the body of the letter. I'm kinda new to this, so I hope it makes sense.
I read those -- and in the end what you're really asking is:
- Why aren't men approaching me? Why would they expect me to approach them?
- What turned the warriors I've heard about into the wimps I think I actually see?
First off, if you THINK all you're seeing are wimps and you WANT a warrior, ask yourself which demographic you should be chasing. I say that because as a 40-something man it's not that I'm less interested in sex, not that I'm less interested in companionship, not that I'm less willing to make time for any woman who interests me...
It's that fewer women interest me. I've been around the block and I've both played games and had games played at my expense -- and I'm NOT INTERESTED anymore.
"That's not me, I don't play games."
How the heck would I possibly know that? HOW would I possibly know that? And believe me, I'm NOT interested in picking through dozens of bad eggs in a laborious manner in order to find a good one, so I'll take the easiest route:
If you seem interested in me, I'll make enough time to investigate, after which I can take you or leave you.
HOW will I do that?
I'll give you my phone number, smile, say I hope to hear from you.
If I hear from you, well, we go on from there. If I don't, 'nuff said, NO skin off my nose and I didn't lose time or money either. After all, I made the gesture, the brave overture (whether you see it that way or not) of walking up to a complete stranger and saying hello, making some light chit-chat at the risk of outright rejection (so VERY common with modern women, who see public ridicule as a form of sport) and offered you the chance to let me know whether you're interested.
If you don't think I'm even worth a phone call, why would I waste more time? Odds are (from my perspective) if you can't be bothered to pick up a phone and let me know you're interested then you'll be just as lazy about the rest of any potential relationship. I don't mind opening doors, being a gentleman, paying for dates, showing chivalrous courtesies -- but I've got better things to do than work my arse off for a "maybe" and a LOT less time than the 20-something crowd.
The warriors didn't turn into wimps; the warriors learned that a large percentage of modern women want inconsistent character, a warrior today who will magically sweep them off their romantic little feet, a girlfriend later who will braid their hair and share the latest gossip -- all at the flip of some imaginary switch.
The warriors learned NOT to waste time with women who won't return the courtesy.
Warriors don't want wimp-women, they want warrior-women who know how to be women without acting like men AND how to be women without acting like helpless waifs.
If that seems too demanding, try being a warrior sometimes. THAT's a demanding job!
For any woman who sniffs disdainfully at what I just said -- there's likely a reason you're single, and it's NOT "empowerment".
I'm a 34 year old male and just got divorced. I'm not wasting any time in the dating scene and I've already started dating. What I do is ask a girl that I'm interested in for her number. If she's sweet and she says that she's in a relationship, then I have my business card in my pocket with my phone number handwritten on the back of it. And I just give it to her and say "thats cool. if you are ever single and want to talk, give me a call". And walk away.
I was told by two women that they were in a relationship. One never called me back but the other did call me two weeks later. She said it was never serious with her previous boyfriend and she really liked me. We went on a few dates, and it didn't work out (22 years old and in a very different stage of life then I am). But hey, 50/50 isn't bad....
Because they can be arrested for stalking, just on the say so of a woman.
If a woman I work with commutes on the same bus I do, she can tell me to not ride on the bus that she gets on, nor to wait at the same bus stop, nor to walk behind her to the bus stop. If I do not completely reorder my entire life to walk from the office in a different direction and get on a different bus at a different bus stop, I can be arrested and forced hire a trial attorney to defend myself against a criminal charge of stalking.
That's why.
I have discussed exactly this scenario with shrill feminists, and they replied "What, you have a problem with that?"
What you describe is a bit extreme but not totally unrealistic. As a man you need to be very careful about how and to whom you express interest in.
There should be zero tolerance for stalking or other types of aggressive behavior but it shouldn't be a capital offense to ask a woman out.
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