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I am kind of mixed on the game theory. Its simply a reaction to research in evolutionary psychology which I believe t be valid. Yet there are many important aspects to what it does.
Be yourself? Some people do have the wrong instincts.
True, I am just hoping he has the right ones.
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Originally Posted by gwynedd1
What I like about some aspects of game theory is:
1. It requires an attempt. If a man is trying to use "game" he is trying. Try and fail beats not having any plan and doing nothing. It will also begin to reduce the fear.
2. It is all about maintaining a status . Women do not like social slippage. Recognizing this female part of the psyche is important. Being a needy slave or a failure is not arousing at all. Don't show a woman how much you need her to complete your broken shell of a self. He can be a reassuring presence.
3. It prevents the overemphasis men put on looks alone. Yes it matters, but gays look more spiffed up for a reason. They are also trying to please men. A little more personality is required.
4. It is anti-aggressive. Aggressive outbursts is viewed as showing weakness and loss of control.
5. Its seductive. It recognizes women do like to be seduced or charmed. It views this as necessary for the length of the relationship, even LTRs. It is trying to essentially give women what they really want. Working out all day at the gym is a male projection. The same goes for excessive materialism which many women say they don't want. They like interesting men where something is happening.
There is certainly a down side especially used for hook ups. Easily attracting and dumping women will give one a sense they are disposable. You are essentially gaining influence and that can be for good or ill. However some of what men think they know is wrong and needs to be unlearned.
What I meant my game is what the PUA's try to teach men. Now I do agree with one thing that many teach, to be confident and not afraid to talk to women. Btw, great break-down!!
Dating in the 90's (when I was in middle school/high school) was simple. Boy meets girl, boy and girl start talking, boy and girl find out they have a lot in common and get along well, boy and girl start dating. Maybe its just me, but it seems things have gotten MUCH MUCH more complicated during the last decade. I can't explain it...but it's more along the lines of: GIRL persues BOY, girl and boy have very little in common and have completely polar opposite personalities, but girl is somehow enthralled by this and they begin dating.
This is just my personal experince in the dating world, but it seems the more things you have in common with someone these days (interests, personality-wise, etc...) the less likey they are to be intersted in you. Thus, I believe a lot of guys are initimidated at the thought of talking to/persuing women (for example: how do you break the ice with someone you have absolutely nothing in common with??).
It seems as if a lot of women these days want a novelty, something new and exciting....which, once that novelty wears off you are basically stuck with someone completely different than you for whom you cant stand.
And some studies I have seen show that typically the people that stay together and are happiest together are those that are most similar to one another.
And some studies I have seen show that typically the people that stay together and are happiest together are those that are most similar to one another.
I've heard of this too. It's often referred to as "equity." Looks, wealth, success, personality, status, etc. all make up a person's dating equity. If the scale is too uneven between the two people, then the higher-up person will feel like he/she is settling and the lower person may have issues with insecurity. This isn't an across-the-board thing, but there's a reason people think "He/she must have a great personality/be rich" when they see an unattractive person with an attractive person.
Glad you realize that clubs are not a great place to find a woman, most of my experiences in clubs involved me running away from drunk women. I find places like lounges, book stores, and going to events on things that you have interest in, to be much more efficient. Also, glad have you know that having "game" is overrated, I prefer conversation and being yourself. Now, are you going to face rejection along the way? Of course you will, but rejection is part of life, no matter what aspect we are talking about. Go talk to successful business owners and big-time investors, and they will tell you how many times they failed at many endeavors!!
That is one lesson I have learned the hard way. I am often told to take initiative in situations like that. The rationale behind it being "women like it when men take the initiative". Well, I learned that if a woman doesn't want to talk to you, you can't make her want to. It isn't just the fear of rejection I am working with. In some cases, I have to consider that a woman might be scared of me or find me creepy, and might respond accordingly. All the more reason for me not to meet people at clubs.
I don't know if this is true, but I have notice that it is harder now for me to talk to women in public. If it was harder in the 90's(albeit, I was in a kid in the 90's), it is harder now.
This is an old story. Starting in the 1970s, once women started to take direct charge of the type of man they would allow into their life, most men have become persona non gratia to women who are on the prowl. Such men are not drug addicts, criminals or bullies - just guys who don't fit the superficial stereotype of what a women "should demand".
I'm regularly amazed at how approachable older women and those who are married are compared to the rest. In the past, I have mentioned this in posts. I regularly meet the same group of people at my bus stop. Over the years, I have struck up regular conservations with a number of married women. The obviously younger single ones just move down the sidewalk to avoid us. It is as if they are afraid that I'd hit on someone 30 years my junior. These same women will gush over any "eligible bachelor" type, to the point they almost get embarrassing. Even as they get older they do this but there are few older single women around here due to the high male/female ratio.
On rare occasion, I have overheard women condemning other women for their "selection" of men and it is usually based on "looks first, ask questions later".
5. Excessive demands: women think that because they have jobs and make money, they deserve a man who makes more. That she may be older, ugly, out of shape, have a terrible attitude, and thuglets is irrelevant. I see this a great deal among black professional women especially who bemoan the lack of "good black men." Those good black men are the ones they ignored though and now, at the peak of their power, sure as heck ain't gonna settle down with her! They can get a younger, sexier woman who is agreeable and doesn't have kids. So WHY would he settle with the older package?
There are other reasons as well but I need to head out. Just answering your question.
Oh please. This is why i think out of all men..black men are the most screwed in the head. The same black men who think THEY were ignored by black women are probably the ones who were doing the ignoring themselves. Chasing after white and puerto rican chicks.
So, hows it feel?
You men want to date women young enough to be your children, yet you dont realize that they will come with issues too. And as far young chicks being sexier, and not having kids.. what do you think a YOUNGER woman is going to want?? Yep..kids. At least the older women have that bug out of their system, and you wont be a 45 yr old man having babies with a 26 year old, who might eventually get sick of the daddy role you play to her, and will cheat on you with the trainer at her gym, or divorce you for the trainer at her gym.
Im 43, and do not have kids. Im in shape, and no one thinks I look 43. But now, at my age, I have to deal with men in my age bracket who have brats, and baby mamas, and who have been divorced and have baggage and now are all bitter and hate women..blah blah. Issues, issues.
The youngest guy i dated was 11 years younger than me. He was into me more than i was into him..just not a spark there. Too bad. I should have held onto him in hindsight. But, we didnt worry about the age thing. Because we BOTH had smiliar backgrounds and were on the same playing field (no kids, carefree, etc).
As a matter of fact, the two last guys i dated were younger than me, the guy i mentioned, and another one, who was about 6 years younger than me. I didnt date them because of that. One, i had no idea how old he was until we had a couple of dates.
Point is, just because some of us arent 26 years old a more doenst mean we arent some ugly arse, broken down sow that has had a litter of kids. I see women much younger than me who already have a bunch of kids, and or look like pure hell because they dont take care of themselves. Just saying.
Oh please. This is why i think out of all men..black men are the most screwed in the head. The same black men who think THEY were ignored by black women are probably the ones who were doing the ignoring themselves. Chasing after white and puerto rican chicks.
So, hows it feel?
You men want to date women young enough to be your children, yet you dont realize that they will come with issues too. And as far young chicks being sexier, and not having kids.. what do you think a YOUNGER woman is going to want?? Yep..kids. At least the older women have that bug out of their system, and you wont be a 45 yr old man having babies with a 26 year old, who might eventually get sick of the daddy role you play to her, and will cheat on you with the trainer at her gym, or divorce you for the trainer at her gym.
Hi Winecountry1,
They do want kids via the sex drive. They may not consciously want children, but that is what the drive has in mind. Men who found old men, rocks, or goats attractive have no progeny. A brilliant conversationalist with a heart of gold who cannot reproduce will destroy the progeny of any man who seeks only this. It is certainly good to remind them that this drive may lead them to many problems down the road. I was well aware that this drive was not about my long term happiness. Yet my own awareness of this is itself maladaptive. It is perhaps an awareness as if I had gills in the desert.
Quote:
Im 43, and do not have kids. Im in shape, and no one thinks I look 43. But now, at my age, I have to deal with men in my age bracket who have brats, and baby mamas, and who have been divorced and have baggage and now are all bitter and hate women..blah blah. Issues, issues.
The youngest guy i dated was 11 years younger than me. He was into me more than i was into him..just not a spark there. Too bad. I should have held onto him in hindsight. But, we didnt worry about the age thing. Because we BOTH had smiliar backgrounds and were on the same playing field (no kids, carefree, etc).
As a matter of fact, the two last guys i dated were younger than me, the guy i mentioned, and another one, who was about 6 years younger than me. I didnt date them because of that. One, i had no idea how old he was until we had a couple of dates.
Point is, just because some of us arent 26 years old a more doenst mean we arent some ugly arse, broken down sow that has had a litter of kids. I see women much younger than me who already have a bunch of kids, and or look like pure hell because they dont take care of themselves. Just saying.
An interesting juxtaposition of your statements:
But now, at my age, I have to deal with men in my age bracket who have brats, and baby mamas, and who have been divorced and have baggage and now are all bitter and hate women..blah blah. Issues, issues.
...
Point is, just because some of us arent 26 years old a more doenst mean we arent some ugly arse, broken down sow that has had a litter of kids. I see women much younger than me who already have a bunch of kids, and or look like pure hell because they dont take care of themselves.
You have to deal with men's baggage at your age. Yet men also know they will more likely have to deal with baggage. Why fish in troubled waters if they have a choice?
I suspect again the that the traits you wonder why men don't seem to appreciate are female projections. Men still can father children much older. Women who choose older men still may have progeny. I also suspect older women tend to move away from their desire of masculine men towards more gentile provider types because its adaptive. He is a potential provider for existing children. She doesn't need genes anymore. His gentile nature will be an easy resource but his genetics don't matter. That gentile nature will also be less of a threat to existing children.
The female tendencies to look past age have both material and progenitive adaptive underpinnings. In males, its maladaptive.
I wish we could decide what drives us.
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