Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I got to find something to start a conversation with(besides hello).
Don't beat yourself up. When women WANT to talk to you, it is very easy - they make it easy. Single women who YOU want to have a conversation with, are nearly always looking for someone far better than you. They consider you to just be somebody in the way, obstructing their view of potential prospects. Single women can tell from across the room whether they want to talk to you.
In contrast, married women just need someone to unload on, since their husband is seldom meeting this need. Then they ask "Why isn't a decent man like you married?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by guy1 Sexual harassment laws at the workplace. I've been sexually harassed at work multiple times, but I'm a man so that doesn't count.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparksharp
Did it bother you or did it feed your ego?
Men seldom get "harassed by women who feed their ego. The exception might be male underwear models.
Don't beat yourself up. When women WANT to talk to you, it is very easy - they make it easy. Single women who YOU want to have a conversation with, are nearly always looking for someone far better than you. They consider you to just be somebody in the way, obstructing their view of potential prospects. Single women can tell from across the room whether they want to talk to you.
In contrast, married women just need someone to unload on, since their husband is seldom meeting this need. Then they ask "Why isn't a decent man like you married?"
I don't see anyone as being better than me, rather, I feel some women see other men as better than me. I usually can't tell what I am giving off to women, or any particular woman, so I don't know what anyone is thinking. It is odd, when I am the one in pursuit(such as online dating), I usually get turned away, or if I don't get turned away right away, I have to fight the clique mentality. In short, I don't like competition. How can a single woman tell if they want to talk to me from across the room just looking at me?
Even stranger, the only women that have seemed to pursue me were either drunk or scary.
As for married women, well, I tend to see it in single mothers exhibit this kind of behavior as well.
As for the loner situation, I often go out in public alone because I don't know what anyone else is doing. I will admit, when I see people in cliques, I feel a bit intimidated,especially if I don't know the persons. If I know of the persons but never talk to them,same result. It usually amplifies if the subject of conversation is nothing I know about or have any interest in. If I am in public among friends, I usually stick with them, unless someone comes up to me. In some cases(like the clubs), I try(but usually intimidated about it) to branch out on my own.
After college is something that has given me something to think about. What you mentioned in reason #2 is already happening now. Alot of people I knew from my freshman year are off doing their own thing, and in many cases I feel forgotten about. I am trying keep my classes in line. I feel that a college degree is necessary. I took a year off from school because of medical problems. When I returned to school(which was summer 2009), some of my old social networks were diminshed. During my time out of school, I found getting a job to be nearly impossible. Whatever I could find involved telemarketing. I am back and in pursuit of a bachelor's degree. I have actually been unemployed since January 2008. The one thing that scares me is the fact that since age 18, I have been unemployed more than I have been employed, not to mention never working more than 3 months at a time. Until now, I knew about the "it's who you know" thing. Apart from that, the thing that scared me was lack of experience. I didn't know some of the other stuff. College is actually the one thing keeping me afloat. Basically, school is very important to me at this point. With that said, I will admit, I do get depressed seeing my roommate and his girlfriend together,and seeing other people in relationships. I do get depressed when I think about my freshman year and how much things have changed since then.
As for the original question why men don't pursue women? Well, reasons vary. For a long time, I gave up because of things that happened to me. Nowadays, I am slowly trying to work my way back into things.
I'd also yank your collar and have you look up and around as some of the other posters are doing.
My time in high school was highly variable and mostly by my senior year ended up bad for a lot of reasons. So in college I put the nose to the grindstone going to school and working 30 hours a week. I casually socialized at school and had a few long term friends at work, but mostly drifted and focused on my own little world.
Big mistake as I think I was unprepared once I plopped out of college into the "real world" and in regards to dating, I think I was behind the 8 ball by then and it took a lot to catch up. I did that by taking a rough job in the Colorado mountains that focused on a lot of responsibility and customer service and also living with 150 other co workers in one apartment complex, all of which were from different places around the world. It really forced my hand into developing good conversation and public speaking skills cause I had to meet and talk to so many random people everyday.
I find the best way to conquer things is to learn and then do. I think the only way out for you is to get out there and just start talking to women. And I wouldn't try to approach them in "pick up mode" but rather just practicing learning the art of conversation and body language. And I'd find some other activities outside of school where you would have to interact with other people.
Oh please. This is why i think out of all men..black men are the most screwed in the head. The same black men who think THEY were ignored by black women are probably the ones who were doing the ignoring themselves. Chasing after white and puerto rican chicks.
So, hows it feel?
You men want to date women young enough to be your children, yet you dont realize that they will come with issues too. And as far young chicks being sexier, and not having kids.. what do you think a YOUNGER woman is going to want?? Yep..kids. At least the older women have that bug out of their system, and you wont be a 45 yr old man having babies with a 26 year old, who might eventually get sick of the daddy role you play to her, and will cheat on you with the trainer at her gym, or divorce you for the trainer at her gym.
Im 43, and do not have kids. Im in shape, and no one thinks I look 43. But now, at my age, I have to deal with men in my age bracket who have brats, and baby mamas, and who have been divorced and have baggage and now are all bitter and hate women..blah blah. Issues, issues.
The youngest guy i dated was 11 years younger than me. He was into me more than i was into him..just not a spark there. Too bad. I should have held onto him in hindsight. But, we didnt worry about the age thing. Because we BOTH had smiliar backgrounds and were on the same playing field (no kids, carefree, etc).
As a matter of fact, the two last guys i dated were younger than me, the guy i mentioned, and another one, who was about 6 years younger than me. I didnt date them because of that. One, i had no idea how old he was until we had a couple of dates.
Point is, just because some of us arent 26 years old a more doenst mean we arent some ugly arse, broken down sow that has had a litter of kids. I see women much younger than me who already have a bunch of kids, and or look like pure hell because they dont take care of themselves. Just saying.
With that much bitterness it's no wonder men walk right on by. I'm sick and tired of bitter women who got old and bellyache about how all men are pigs yada yada yada, and then wonder in the next breath why there are no good men left that want to date them. Could it possibly be because your poor attitude drives them away? Hmm...?
Hows that old saying go about catching more bees with honey instead of vinegar?
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklynight
True, I am just hoping he has the right ones.
What I meant my game is what the PUA's try to teach men. Now I do agree with one thing that many teach, to be confident and not afraid to talk to women. Btw, great break-down!!
I'm curious, what do you think "PUA's try to teach men"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameiko
You answered your own question. You are too old.
The whole mating game is based just on that: MATING.
A 45 year old woman is near infertile and thus not suited as a mate because she can not produce children. The production of children is, ultimately, why men and women get together. Even if you have no intention of ever having children, it still has created the attraction switches between the genders. An old woman does not flip those switches like a young, fresh woman does.
Sure, you can "cougar it up" if you look good enough but most men, myself included, only act as cub to cougar because its easy sex. Sure, dating a cougar can be fun for other reasons: her experience and ability to kick in more of the tab, but most of us will take the youngest, freshest, most fertile woman we can get our manhood into.
Of course, there are other reasons as well. Some related to the above and others not. One related reason is that women, sadly misinformed that tey could spend their youth, beauty, and fertility on their careers, education, fun, and bad boys, have now found out that no one wants to marry a used up woman. No man wants to hear, as I heard, "well I had my fun but now it's time for you to marry me!" These words are especially ignored if hurled at a man who was ignored for a good chunk of his life by women like her or especially that particular woman.
I've said countless times, Mother Nature is not a feminist. Women who bought Feminism's Great Lie are finding themselves in increasing frequency to be in the same boat Lori Gottlieb found herself in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire
All I can say is...yup...
From beginning to end..this post is right on..Ive said the exact same thing myself...
You have women who wanted "equality"...and now that they have it they're whining about a lack of manly men...yet those same men they vilified and despised while they sought to become like them.
Ive always said that America reminds me of a child who thinks it has all the answers. America has existed for but a sliver of time in the annals of chronology. Other nations/civilizations have existed for eons comparatively. Well along comes America with all of its "fresh" ideas. Enthused by wide eyed youth and revolt, we sought to change the nature of civilization and the course of nature itself. We looked down on every other nation for "oppressing" its women, weaker men, and youth. Not realizing that if the ideals that form the social concept of America had been a successful, sustainable existence, other nations would have already done it centuries ago.
So now where are we? Well we have a ton of lonesome, educated, slutty, animus filled, beer swigging, cheetoh chugging, fat, women...a ton of lonesome, educated, self doubting, standoffish, emasculated, men, who would have likely been the leaders and providers of yesteryear....and we have a ton of useless, narcissistic, (but confident), uneducated, deadbeat men...and a ton of equally useless, slutty, often uneducated, glorified single mother harlots.
And a youthful generation that due to declining marriage rates will more than likely be the end of the pure American lineage.
Redisca, for someone who claims to be an attorney, you sure can infer a lot when the evidence is not there to support it.
You need to stop making mountains out of molehills.
Get this: I actually agree with you on some of your thoughts about the word "drama." I do think many men use it to describe any display of emotion that makes them feel uncomfortable.
However, my definition of drama is when someone takes comments out of context with the express purpose of looking for things to be offended by, becoming either self-righteous or upset, and then blathering and dithering on, either to get attention or validate themselves when others aren't buying what they're selling. It's becoming shrill when no one is listening.
In other words, your responses to my very tongue-in-cheek comment are drama.
That's the best description of Redisca I've seen yet. Mountains out of molehills indeed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo
For me if there is no reciprocation I move on quickly. I just have no time for games. I think there are a lot of men out there my age that feel the same.
If it's always me calling you, me arranging the dates, me paying for the dates, me carrying the conversation, THANKS, but I'd rather go kayaking or bike riding on my own.
Getting back on topic for a moment, I think this is part of why a lot of men don't pursue women as they once did. Women don't reciprocate as much as they should. Instead I see a lot of women with a bad entitlement attitude/princess mentality that thinks men should do everything to sweep them off their feet, with the idea in their heads that their only responsibility is looking pretty (or what 66% of women in this country being obese thinks is looking pretty). Furthermore, almost all the feedback men get nowadays is some form of negativity and they're said goodbye in growing numbers. For example, look at all the misandry in the media. And then there's the growing marriage strike. The same motivating factors of the marriage strike I think are also what's driving men to seek greener pastures are go their own way. Games, porn, foreign women, etc are all looking better and better in stark contrast to the growing negative perception of western women, which is for the most part their own doing. Bottom line is that feminism has ruined western women for the most part and men are having no more of it in growing numbers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1
Since I am a sociologist and an economist at heart, I have given many explanations for the plummeting value of women as an attractive commodity to men. Women who have listened to lesbian style feminism and fall into delusional narcissism, assuming men like what they like, are sure to have a world of trouble. I too was astounded that women don't like nice in a mate as much as I do.
What do men like and what is the state of the market? I warn you that this will be in my brutal style , but is an accurate assessment of what men are thinking. It is, of course, a gross generalization.
Mr Jones Nubilty Average components
1. Female beauty:
a. Porcine muffin tops are up which has given quite a thrashing to the beauty market. The brand selection has been squeezed and the sales have stopped. Excessive hotness surcharges have sapped discretionary interest to new lows.
b. Generic white box packaging with sown together old socks and sacks on the bottom shelf of the flat heel no longer have that eye catching gloss of enticing serving suggestions. The market is down.
2. Female Disposition:
a. Female femininity mines are on strike. Dilapidated and rust crusted infrastructure and zero budget R & D have cleared the shelves of soft spoken charms and modesty. Dating has taken a primatological shift where kiss and tell is more like a Jane Goodall field entry about Flo on the ape trail. Needless to say, the market is down.
3. Female Fidelity:
a. 24 hour self check out and extra wide doors for 16 foot lumber. Need I say more? The market is down to stick around.
4 Female expense:
a. This is a mixed bag. While income is up so are maintenance charges and up keep . Deft investors may take advantage of cheap teaser rates in short flings but are best to avoid long term relationship balloon charges. Market neutral.
The sliver lining to individual women is that her competition is at an all time low. 40 year old cougars have been given an opportunity to slim down and dress up to bridge the gap of their younger competitors. More men are buying from women who know the market.
The bad news is the existence of quality imports with reliability and sleek styling however it is still dominated by the small scale specialty boutique.
I don't know how true this is, but I am no alpha male. I am of small stature as well. Even for me, at age 23, some women try to avoid me. I find it somewhat odd that it is the "weird" types like myself that some women avoid pursuing. According to someone I met there, many people at clubs adhere to stereotypical thing. In short, because I am an African-American male who isn't "ghetto", "alpha male", "no ebonics", and in general,not living up to a stereotype, some women(of all races) avoid me. It was really odd. It was the alpha male types that didn't make some of the women uncomfortable. It was quiet, direct me that scared two women and made another one go for my friends and not me. How does this tie into your situation at the bus stop? I see some of the same things happen in real life outside of clubs. Some of the women seem more afraid of the softer types of men than the rougher types.
I am going to be very blunt: I have my way of doing things. I have my own fashion. In some cases, I will sport something with Hello Kitty on it, such as my pink bicycle helmet. I also consider a trench coat a fashion statement. I don't give into "alpha male". I have noticed that while many women might find Hello Kitty "cute", and might outwardly applaud a straight male who has the guts to wear something with Hello Kitty on it. It doesn't always mean some women dig a guy who wears Hello Kitty. Interestingly, it seems to be the women over 30, mothers(in most cases), or lesbian women who seem to be the most open-minded. I went to a place one night because it was my friend's birthday. It was the women over thirty who were the nicest and most open-minded towards me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess it's things like the part in red that is making women avoid you.
Fitness
Presentation
Self-worth/Confidence
If you can get a handle on those then you'll see some changes for the better. Perception is reality and you have some level of control over how others perceive you. Stomping your feet because people won't accept your eccentricities is just a waste of energy. Eventually you *might* stumble onto a woman that is into that sense of style, or sees past it, but you can greatly improve your odds with a little self-improvement. Again, fashion and fitness with some positive reinforcement to get some confidence will do you much more good than sitting around waving your pity party flag.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
