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I haven't heard anything else from DFOR other than complaining about not getting sex. There might be a good reason for it.
Come on sierra! Since he got here back in 2008 he's been telling us about her and what he reports IS NOT normal. Now I know there are two sides to every story, but unless he's been a complete bastard - cheating, beating her, abusing her emotionally, her behavior is not justified as a married woman.
From an old post of his - tell me if she sounds normal to you?
12-08-2008, 02:29 PM
DFOR
Senior Member
friend of Pikantari - befriend Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New England
How would I know if my wife were a lesbian? She never really seemed to like sex. Been married 16 years and the last 8 have been nill. Made me wear a condom all the time. I think once was without. IMO she thinks sex is dirty. Guys are pigsKnows more about sports than most men. Always wears pants. Almost dresses a-sexual, if that makes sense.
Doesn't sleep under the same covers as me. She is on top of 2 layers that are over me.
Has not worn her wedding ring, or any jewerly in about 10 years.
It's not me. She is stiff. I still love her plenty. I know that I have complained enough about the compatibility.
Can we keep this on the ego, male, lust and love. Equating them all.
Thanks.
The thing is, DFOR, we don't know if you really put any effort into it, whether you help her out around the house, whether you do anything romantic for her, set the stage to get her into the mood, etc. If you do, I'd agree she's a cold fish; if you don't, oh, well...
How would I know if my wife were a lesbian? She never really seemed to like sex. Been married 16 years and the last 8 have been nill. Made me wear a condom all the time. I think once was without. IMO she thinks sex is dirty. Guys are pigsKnows more about sports than most men. Always wears pants. Almost dresses a-sexual, if that makes sense.
Doesn't sleep under the same covers as me. She is on top of 2 layers that are over me.
Has not worn her wedding ring, or any jewerly in about 10 years.
Are there any tell tale signs?
OK. I can't say I've read ALL his posts. Yet, I don't recall ever seeing what he does about it.
It's my opinion that when you love someone....it's not the act of sex that you're missing. Perhaps, it's the intimacy....the affection.
If your wife has a ho-hum attitude....maybe find out what you can do to excite her again. Ask yourself...."what was it in the beginning of our relationship that provided interest for us to want to "make love" to one another". Maybe you just need to court her again...for her to regain that spark.
If all else fails....see if there are any classes that offer "exotic dancing" for you...yes, you!!!
Suggest new sexual positions - offer to go shopping with her for some lingerie. If she enjoys a bath...run her bath for her, light candles, have rose petals in her bath water - maybe even offer to wash her hair.
Communicate with her that you would like to pleasure her and what could you do to accomplish that???Sometimes, spicing up the love life can do wonders....
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR
Is it me or a guy thing. Married 17 years. Maybe it is an ego thing. Probably is. I would feel much more loved if my wife had a strong desire to have sex with me. Instead of her having a ho-hum attitute towards sex.
I know that she loves me, but it just doesn't feel enough w/o seeing that strong desire. Any thoughts?
Females can definitely have a strong desire to have sex. But unlike men, where the desire stems from physical stimulation, female desire stems from mental/psychological stimulation. We don't just lay down and go at it. We have to be wooed and excited first---and that is not girls being prissy---its just a matter of body chemistry.
So maybe you can spice some things up in the bedroom...or even before you make it to the bedroom?
Then I must be like a man because I do not require the mental/emotional stimulation if I already have a physical attraction to my mate.
Females can definitely have a strong desire to have sex. But unlike men, where the desire stems from physical stimulation, female desire stems from mental/psychological stimulation.
Awwwww, bullcrap. Yeah, probably on average it takes more for a woman to get stimulated, but it's also fair to say that most men want some mental/psychological stimulation too. On average, I doubt there's a whole lot of difference in our wants and needs. I've had at least a couple women tell me that they really had to fight the urge to throw me to the floor and ravage me the first minute we were together. (Not because of my looks, btw.) And one that didn't tell me anything but just went about taking advantage of my innocence. (I married her!)
My point is, men aren't the opposite of women. We're all much the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
For most men, great sex with the woman they love IS what makes them feel most loved by that woman. It really is a guy thing.
Great sex alone doesn't make us feel loved. It's just that the words, "I love you," need to be backed up by actions. "I love you and gotta have you now" is much more convincing. I agree with most of what you say, but I don't think it's so much a "guy thing" as it is a "human thing". My wife was ignored by her ex. She felt the same way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Actually, she's risking losing him, as is any woman who neglects her man this way when something like this is very important to him. I think her odds are not good, and if he stays, she will be very fortunate. Just my 2 cents from knowing DFOR.
Yup. I stayed in a sexless marriage for a little over a decade, mainly because I didn't want to move out and leave my kids behind. When our youngest went off to college, I gave my wife one year to change or tell me why not. At the end of that year I was gone.
We had a pretty good relationship except for love, sex and intimacy. She offered none of that. She was more like a sister. I felt more love from my next wife in the first week were together than I did from my ex in 27 years years of marriage.
I was a wife who did not engage in sex with her husband for years. I finally left.
In looking back, the reasons were simple, he was emotionally distant and we had lost intimacy very early (if we ever had it). You see, I had lost respect for him for a number of reasons. It's difficult to have sex/make love to someone when there is no respect. Of course there are two sides of the story and he would say that I was a cold fish, but that is furthest from the truth.
Awwwww, bullcrap. Yeah, probably on average it takes more for a woman to get stimulated, but it's also fair to say that most men want some mental/psychological stimulation too. On average, I doubt there's a whole lot of difference in our wants and needs. I've had at least a couple women tell me that they really had to fight the urge to throw me to the floor and ravage me the first minute we were together. (Not because of my looks, btw.) And one that didn't tell me anything but just went about taking advantage of my innocence. (I married her!)
My point is, men aren't the opposite of women. We're all much the same.
Great sex alone doesn't make us feel loved. It's just that the words, "I love you," need to be backed up by actions. "I love you and gotta have you now" is much more convincing. I agree with most of what you say, but I don't think it's so much a "guy thing" as it is a "human thing". My wife was ignored by her ex. She felt the same way.
Yup. I stayed in a sexless marriage for a little over a decade, mainly because I didn't want to move out and leave my kids behind. When our youngest went off to college, I gave my wife one year to change or tell me why not. At the end of that year I was gone.
We had a pretty good relationship except for love, sex and intimacy. She offered none of that. She was more like a sister. I felt more love from my next wife in the first week were together than I did from my ex in 27 years years of marriage.
Well I must say that you are one of the rare ones, because most stay even when the children do grow up and leave. I am glad to know that you are now in a marriage which demonstrates all the facets of love that a man and woman should have when they are genuinely yolked together.
... Of course there are two sides of the story and he would say that I was a cold fish, but that is furthest from the truth.
Good point. Every story looks different to each person in it.
For the record, I didn't "blame" my wife for not showing me any love. I assumed she wasn't able to love me for some reason. Whether she could love someone else or not, I don't know. She didn't want a divorce at the time, but I'd bet she's since realized it was the best thing for both of us.
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(I married her!)
I agree with most of what you say, but I don't think it's so much a "guy thing" as it is a "human thing". My wife was ignored by her ex. She felt the same way.
