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They say that you learn about life, yourself, and relationships from a breakup. What have you learned or taken from your last relationship? I learned a lot from my last serious relationship so although I regret the relationship, I am gratefull for all it taught me. For instance, I learned to always keep your friends and previous life going even after your new relationship gets serious. In other words, don't give up your friends or stop the hobbies/activities you used to enjoy before you got into the new relationship. Keep some time for yourself and don't spend every waking moment together. Keep some mystery. Always keep yourself looking physically appealing. Keep yourself at 100%, don't slack by gaining 20 lbs or get lazy about shaving or doing your hair, ect. These are just a couple examples off the top of my head. So, what important things did you take from your last relationship?
I am remarried but after my first marriage failed, I decided to date around and figure out what it really was I was looking for and what I wanted and needed out of a relationship. There were several things that I learned but the most important lesson I learned was to drop the baggage of my past relationship at the door. Meaning, I could not look at every man as a cheater or abuser just because my ex was that way. I had to give men a fair chance and be open minded. I also learned that I had to be open and honest about all apsects of my life and what I was looking for. I was a single mother when I got divorced and my ex decided not to participate in our child's life. I wanted a man that was open to and willing to love my daughter they way her real father should have. I was open with men about that apsect of my life. I consider myself very lucky in that I found exactly what I needed and wanted four years into my single life and we have been together ever since.
I am remarried but after my first marriage failed, I decided to date around and figure out what it really was I was looking for and what I wanted and needed out of a relationship. There were several things that I learned but the most important lesson I learned was to drop the baggage of my past relationship at the door. Meaning, I could not look at every man as a cheater or abuser just because my ex was that way. I had to give men a fair chance and be open minded. I also learned that I had to be open and honest about all apsects of my life and what I was looking for. I was a single mother when I got divorced and my ex decided not to participate in our child's life. I wanted a man that was open to and willing to love my daughter they way her real father should have. I was open with men about that apsect of my life. I consider myself very lucky in that I found exactly what I needed and wanted four years into my single life and we have been together ever since.
That is great, you found out what you wanted/needed, you didn't settle, and you found a great guy. Stories like this give me hope!
What Important Lessons Did You Learn From a Breakup?
I was raised to give important decisions time for rational thought. This led me, in the past to give relationships time to develop, to allow me to assess the positives and negatives. This didn’t make it easy to extricate myself from them when I realized there was no future in them, but did prevent any ill-conceived decisions. Then I had a short relationship that she ended quickly on what I thought were anything but rational reasons. Since, as always, I had done my best to make things work, this interested me in just what women want and whether my experiences and attempts to determine what was the best way to go, were really based in reality. So it wasn’t as much the break-up that I learned from as much as the interest in relationships that it developed in me.
While hardly my only source, City Data is a good site to get a feel for this, since many can post their thought in anonymity and without the need to make themselves appear to be acting with noble intentions. There is nothing wrong with stating what you want but the readers must also be free to draw their own conclusions. Women like this for themselves, so men can learn a lot from what they say. However, they seldom want to read the same candid comments from men.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005
They say that you learn about life
Things aren’t what they seem. For decades, women have been complaining about men and the things they do or don’t do. A guy can get his shorts in a very tight knot, trying to follow the prescription of every newspaper and magazine article on the subject. Meanwhile, women mainly go for those men they are physically attracted to and seldom even consider any of these other factors.
These only become and issue when they are interviewed, post divorce by some sociologist or psychologist. They then unload in a way that makes the failure of their marriage somewhat more “noble” than it actually was and more to the point, primarily the fault of their ex. These interviews then become part of some academic study that is quoted in a “lifestyle” article that purports to tell men what they should be doing.
Reading the actual comments of women stating what they want makes men realize how they have been manipulated and lied to by the media for decades.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005
yourself
Like the vast majority of men, I am really not marriage material. This doesn’t mean that I’m not a decent type or totally clueless. Nor does it mean that I couldn’t be a good husband. However, most women are after a relatively thin slice of manhood and if you don’t meet their exacting standards, there are few opportunities and many men competing for them. Those women who aren’t competing for these types of men, probably have a good reason for this. Usually, these are reasons that a man should take his time to ascertain!
Finally, when a man who has been largely ignored by women for a long time, suddenly finds himself the object of the attention of one, he should be very sceptical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005
and relationships
Relationships are going down hill fast. There is too much “what’s in it for me” for most to last. At least, average men have the discipline of financial loss from divorce and as a result, have a much greater incentive for the give and take, to make a relationship work. However, for the type of men that the majority of women are most attracted to, this is usually a foreign concept. Unfortunately, it also takes two to tango, and in many instances, the situation is therefore hopeless, even if one party wants to try. It doesn’t help that many people, especially women, believe that compromise is a sign of weakness that it will lead to unhappiness.
What did I learn from my last relationship? I learned that the happy moments weren't worth the pain. If I had to do all over again, I would of NEVER met him. He brought no permanent positive change to my life. A total waste of time.
I learned to follow your head and not your heart. I was a fool to even enter this one relationship. Born again christian, my butt. Devious little biotch is more like it. But it had been a long time since I had a girlfriend, and gave in to the heart. Live and learn.
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What Important Lessons Did You Learn From a Breakup?
