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A couple other threads got me thinking about this. I've been dating a guy for about 3 weeks now, so we've only been out on like 4 dates. We text every day, but rarely speak on the phone. We have not had sex yet, but we have made out on our last 3 dates for several hours each time. We're still getting to know each other obviously, but I like him a lot and I'm not interested in dating anyone else. I don't want him dating anyone else either, but I feel like it's too early at this point to bring up exclusivity because I don't want to sound clingy and scare him off when he's probably still deciding what he wants.
I understand why a lot of people feel they should date around and not put all their eggs in one basket, but in my case, if things don't work out with someone, we never usually get past 2-3 dates anyway, so I don't feel like I'm missing out if I just focus on one person at a time. Also, I'm not going to make out with more than one guy at a time, so if I've already been out on several dates with someone and we've gotten to that level, I'm not going to be looking for others to date. But I know not everyone feels the same way I do...
So anyways, assuming that you want to be exclusive with someone, when should you (or when do you) bring it up? And how should you bring it up without sounding clingy?
Hi, I think he has to be the one to ask to be exclusive and he must do this before you have s*ex with him. Just don't have se*x until he brings up the exclusivity, if that is what you want. I hate to stereotype, but it is probably safe to assume he wants s*ex, so if he gets what he wants, you must get what you want. And be careful, talk is cheap. Make sure he's not just saying what you want to hear to get what he wants. Good luck
I advise that you keep up your social life so that you are doing plenty of things with your friends, including fun nights out with your gal pals. Make sure he is aware that you are going out and having fun - but don't play games by hinting about other men and such. If he knows you are out there having fun, he will know you are out there looking good, (We all look better when we are having a great time.) and will surely bring up exclusivity himself if that's what he wants. If he doesn't, you have your answer.
I advise that you keep up your social life so that you are doing plenty of things with your friends, including fun nights out with your gal pals. Make sure he is aware that you are going out and having fun - but don't play games by hinting about other men and such. If he knows you are out there having fun, he will know you are out there looking good, (We all look better when we are having a great time.) and will surely bring up exclusivity himself if that's what he wants. If he doesn't, you have your answer.
His social life is more active than mine. I don't particularly enjoy going out with the "gals" all the time and would rather stay home alone. I hang out with acquaintances sometimes, but it's not at the top of my priority list, to be honest. I see your point though.
A couple other threads got me thinking about this. I've been dating a guy for about 3 weeks now, so we've only been out on like 4 dates. We text every day, but rarely speak on the phone. We have not had sex yet, but we have made out on our last 3 dates for several hours each time. We're still getting to know each other obviously, but I like him a lot and I'm not interested in dating anyone else. I don't want him dating anyone else either, but I feel like it's too early at this point to bring up exclusivity because I don't want to sound clingy and scare him off when he's probably still deciding what he wants.
To me, your answer is what you yourself wrote and it is up there in bold. When I read your post, I thought, "That's kinda early," to be bring up the fact that you want to be exclusive. If it is right and meant to be, you both will work around to talking about that. You guys probably are getting along well, so don't rush things. If he wants to date other women, he is going to date them regardless of a title and if he just wants to be dating you then he won't be looking for other women to date. You say that you don't want him dating anyone else, after four dates, I think you shouldn't be in that state of mind. You seem to really like him, but at four dates and four weeks, you can't rule out that he may not be feeling exclusive yet.
His social life is more active than mine. I don't particularly enjoy going out with the "gals" all the time and would rather stay home alone. I hang out with acquaintances sometimes, but it's not at the top of my priority list, to be honest. I see your point though.
I don't want to make it sound like you don't have a life outside of home, but you might want to be aware of any attachment you might develop to him early on and dependancy. Because with him being more active, his needs may be different.
as a guy i usually can sense when a girl isnt dating anyone else and is really into me. normally after dating for a few weeks, but can depend on time spent together. this is when ill bring it up. just gotta know when hte time feels right
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I understand why a lot of people feel they should date around and not put all their eggs in one basket, but in my case, if things don't work out with someone, we never usually get past 2-3 dates anyway, so I don't feel like I'm missing out if I just focus on one person at a time. Also, I'm not going to make out with more than one guy at a time, so if I've already been out on several dates with someone and we've gotten to that level, I'm not going to be looking for others to date. But I know not everyone feels the same way I do...
i like that a lot. would be a lot less stupid games that go along with dating if everyone felt htat way
The exclusivity conversation is usually most appropriate AFTER a solid couple months or so of dating and BEFORE sex. That way you know you aren't indirectly sleeping with the whole town.
However, that is not advice I necessarily follow myself, just what I would see as ideal.
The exclusivity conversation is usually most appropriate AFTER a solid couple months or so of dating and BEFORE sex. That way you know you aren't indirectly sleeping with the whole town.
However, that is not advice I necessarily follow myself, just what I would see as ideal.
Good one Jays. I have to agree, and let him be the one to bring it up. If he doesn't, you know he's not ready for it. If you do, he'll think you're stepping up the relationship, when he's not ready for it. Generally speaking, girls tend to be ready for exclusivity more quickly than guys.....
Good one Jays. I have to agree, and let him be the one to bring it up. If he doesn't, you know he's not ready for it. If you do, he'll think you're stepping up the relationship, when he's not ready for it. Generally speaking, girls tend to be ready for exclusivity more quickly than guys.....
Also true in my experience.
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