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Honestly, if my dh were to tell me today that he'd slept with someone, before we got married, I'd be like, "Yeah? And? Me too. What, you want a medal or something?"
He's been a great husband, and dad to our children, a wonderful provider. I just can't get past the fact that he didn't admit to it a lot sooner. I understand what you all are saying that it was about two decades ago but the pain is still very real. I just found out, I thought there were no secrets. This is the only thing that he's lied to me about, however I could have gotten over it had I known before I dedicated my life to him. Honesty goes a long way.
He did finally tell me, that's a story in itself though.
No I am not going through menopause, I'm not even at that age yet. I'm just an emotional person, with human feelings.
The other person he slept with was someone he hardly even knew. She knew of me as his ex, but had no clue he was still intimate with me. I didn't know he slept with her, he said back then that that had never happened. To clarify he was basically seeing both of us behind our backs, but lying saying about it. I don't think she even cared. He lied to me then because he knew I would care about what he was doing, even if it wasn't any of my business. I guess that is why he kept it from me to spare my feelings, why, because he knew I'd react this way.
Thank you for all your responses, as much as I knew I'd be told basically what I didn't want to hear or confirm, to forgive and forget, I'll have to do my best and do so. The truth isn't always easy to hear, but opinions are always helpful. Thanks.
Greetings,
I wasn't trying to be funny about the change of life. I know some young women who are going thru pre menopause. and said I was to young to find out they was and it can last a few yrs if not treated right. Which is good food, rest, and the good ole gym. When something comes up - they dont handle it as well. Try some vit B 6 and see if that helps you get thru this. You may have worn down your system with stress, and worry. Then you stated you started drinking & smoking. I hope your kids didn't see this. So they may think that is the way to handle problems.
Even thou this is effecting u differently - coz were all not involved, it stills sounds like you got the guy.. she didn't.
You were not married to him 18 years ago but you were sleeping with him. Which is okay with you.
She was not married to him 18 years ago and was sleeping with him but she is a wh**e? Hmmmmmmmm. Pot calling the kettle black?
You were not married to him 18 years ago but you were sleeping with him. Which is okay with you.
She was not married to him 18 years ago and was sleeping with him but she is a wh**e? Hmmmmmmmm. Pot calling the kettle black?
I'm just curious why after 18 years he finally confessed. Has it eaten away at him all of this time or was something happening more recently to make him regret decisions he's made?
honestly, if it happened that long ago, I'd just put it to rest and not worry about it. I mean, that's a LONG time. I'm not trying to underplay your emotion and hurt but obviously he regrets it and thought enough to apologize now. I'd say let him know how it makes you feel and then just be done with it. You will obviously need some time to heal and regain some trust but contacting her won't make any of it better for you and at this point you have to ask yourself if it's really worth it to go there. Let it go and move on.
I'm just curious why after 18 years he finally confessed. Has it eaten away at him all of this time or was something happening more recently to make him regret decisions he's made?
honestly, if it happened that long ago, I'd just put it to rest and not worry about it. I mean, that's a LONG time. I'm not trying to underplay your emotion and hurt but obviously he regrets it and thought enough to apologize now. I'd say let him know how it makes you feel and then just be done with it. You will obviously need some time to heal and regain some trust but contacting her won't make any of it better for you and at this point you have to ask yourself if it's really worth it to go there. Let it go and move on.
Agreed This alone should not warrant contemplating divorce.
Truthfully, if he was the one who admitted it to you, than he is a fool and I'm curious what brought on this little confession. Maybe there is more to this story?
Did you not read the part about her having a boyfriend when she was having sleeping with him? She was cheating on her boyfriend, last time I checked that would make someone a *****. She was in a long term relationship at that. I wasn't in a relationship with someone, I was NOT cheating on anyone behind their back. There is a difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Dan
You were not married to him 18 years ago but you were sleeping with him. Which is okay with you.
She was not married to him 18 years ago and was sleeping with him but she is a wh**e? Hmmmmmmmm. Pot calling the kettle black?
Seriously, I am gratful to know the truth but at the same time ignorance is bliss. I would have preferred to have known way back then, not all of this time later. He finally fessed up, there is more in that sense but entirely too long and complex to explain on here. Let's just say I was bringing up the past and was finally able to get the truth out about what was going on back then.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robee70
Agreed This alone should not warrant contemplating divorce.
Truthfully, if he was the one who admitted it to you, than he is a fool and I'm curious what brought on this little confession. Maybe there is more to this story?
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That time of life for women
and I'm curious what brought on this little confession. Maybe there is more to this story?
