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My 2nd post this week, as I found I got great advice during my first post.
Just a rundown, I'm an 18-year old who has just gone through his first big breakup. The relationship lasted about 2 years. I had fears that she was already sleeping with somebody else, but I now realize that it's not under my control. However, I have heard from various people some of the terrible, emotion-driven things that she has said about me: about everything ranging from why I was a terrible boyfriend to the smallest negative details about me from the beginning of the relationship, to some of our secrets. I was doing better, but after hearing some of these things from a couple of people, I hit rock-bottom again. I know what I have to do to keep feeling better, and that's just totally ignore her.
With that said, I do hope that we can remain friends in the longterm (as of now). Is this phase where a girl just rags on you (I'm calling it the "I Hate Everything About you Phase") her honest opinion of you? Or is it her way of dealing with the breakup?
Is it permanent or temporary? Does she mean it or is she just saying it to make herself feel better?
Sounds more like immaturity to me, although I understand how sometimes emotions can get the best of a person's judgement.
Unless you resolve whatever conflict you two have, it is possible that her bitterness toward you could be permanent. I've met people in their 50's who talk negatively about an ex-boy/girlfriend from their youth. Granted, this says a lot about them, but I think we all know how easy it is to hold anger toward someone.
My 2nd post this week, as I found I got great advice during my first post.
Just a rundown, I'm an 18-year old who has just gone through his first big breakup. The relationship lasted about 2 years. I had fears that she was already sleeping with somebody else, but I now realize that it's not under my control. However, I have heard from various people some of the terrible, emotion-driven things that she has said about me: about everything ranging from why I was a terrible boyfriend to the smallest negative details about me from the beginning of the relationship, to some of our secrets. I was doing better, but after hearing some of these things from a couple of people, I hit rock-bottom again. I know what I have to do to keep feeling better, and that's just totally ignore her.
With that said, I do hope that we can remain friends in the longterm (as of now). Is this phase where a girl just rags on you (I'm calling it the "I Hate Everything About you Phase") her honest opinion of you? Or is it her way of dealing with the breakup?
Is it permanent or temporary? Does she mean it or is she just saying it to make herself feel better?
Or does it depend on the person?
Thank you...
I can't speak to why she does what she does, but it doesn't really matter. Why do you want to stay friends with a person who maligns you?
Well, I'm going through growing pains. This is my first breakup. I know, from reading other posts and from hearing other experiences, that time heals everything. I know in the long run I'll be good. In a couple of months, I'll be as good as new.
But I want to deal with the present. I'll take any sort of help I can get. I just hate the idea of somebody absolutely hating my guts to the very core, especially if this is how she felt for the previous 2 years. If she is doing this to feel better about herself, then I'll sleep easier tonight. In the long run, I want closure.
It maybe stemming from her "own guilt" and if she can make you look bad, it makes her appear to look, or feel better somehow.
So you're saying that she (or anybody in this situation) is trying to convince herself that she was good in the relationship? We did everything together for 2 years, but I am absolutely saddened by the thought that she hated everything I did for her (and everything we did together) for 2 years.
So you're saying that she (or anybody in this situation) is trying to convince herself that she was good in the relationship? We did everything together for 2 years, but I am absolutely saddened by the thought that she hated everything I did for her (and everything we did together) for 2 years.
I`m assuming that you two broke up because she was cheating on you. She got caught, so instead of accepting this guilt, she makes harsh lashes out towards you, in order to make herself feel better.
I honestly don`t think that she has hated you during this 2 years you two were together. I`m just saying that this may be her way of dealing with the breakup, which to me, is not very nice.
No, fortunately she didn't cheat. She broke up with me for personal reasons. Obviously, she wasn't very happy with me for SOMETHING I did (either on a macro or micro scale).
I hope she only says these things as a way to get it off her chest and feel better. If she honestly feels this way, I don't know how I will ever look at her (or girls) for a long time.
I think it's a personality thing. Some people go through that phase and some don't. Some people make a point of doing things to get under the skin of the other - it's passive aggressive. The best thing to do is ignore it and move on. Let them get it out of their system and be done with it.
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She got caught, so instead of accepting this guilt, she makes harsh lashes out towards you, in order to make herself feel better.
