EX Fiance wants to be a part of my life...

[andreaspercheron]

I guess I'd have to know why at that point in the relationship she decided that she couldn't handle the stresses of getting married. I mean, you knew each other long enough, you moved out, got engaged, planned a wedding - at some point way before all of this, she should have been honest and said something then. After all of the time and expense already wasted, I'd be hard pressed to trust again myself.
The main thing is that you need a solid explanation of what on earth she was thinking when she took off. You deserve at least that. Was it someone else? Did she need a last hoorah? I mean, you need to know. Even if you don't get back together, without closure on this, you won't be able to trust in your next relationship and that isn't fair to a new person coming into it with full trust.
Sort it out, get your answers and move on either with this girl or a new person.

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by jone173

Long story short. Girl and Guy date for 6 years. Guy asks girl "Will you marry me?" Girls says Yes!!! Plan a wedding, everything is great. Buy a house, wedding is 1 month away, everything is great. Move into house, Girls says "I can't do this", leaves the ring, and you never hear so much as a peep from her.

Now fast foward 10 months from then, last friday, and Guy gets a phone call on his way home from work....guess who it is???

We ended up talking on the phone for over and hour an decided to meet somewhere to continue our converstation. Around 3am we decide to part ways but continue to talk to each other over the phone.


So, she ends up telling me the following things among other but you catch the drift -

• I really screwed up, I can't imagine how bad I hurt you
• I don't see myself with anybody else
• I can't love somebody the way I love you
• I want to be a part of your life again

I don't really know what to think about everything, its alot to process. It will take her moving a mountain to gain my trust to ever start a friendship again. She is taking counseling to try and get her life back on track as she admits to making poor decision which have cause most all of her relationships to suffer.

I have no idea how to handle this, has anybody gone through anything similar? Is it possible to become friends again or is that line to easy to cross again.

Thanks for everyting

Do what you feel is right man, it's your decision. Just be smart about it. The best advice you can get in this situation is the one from your stomach. If talking to her and being friends again "feels wrong" then it is wrong. People have insticts for a reason, they give us warning to bad situations. Just be smart and don't go in on a house with her or anything. You can put your feet in the water without running the risk of drowning again.

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by jone173

Long story short. Girl and Guy date for 6 years. Guy asks girl "Will you marry me?" Girls says Yes!!! Plan a wedding, everything is great. Buy a house, wedding is 1 month away, everything is great. Move into house, Girls says "I can't do this", leaves the ring, and you never hear so much as a peep from her.

Now fast foward 10 months from then, last friday, and Guy gets a phone call on his way home from work....guess who it is???

We ended up talking on the phone for over and hour an decided to meet somewhere to continue our converstation. Around 3am we decide to part ways but continue to talk to each other over the phone.

So, she ends up telling me the following things among other but you catch the drift -

• I really screwed up, I can't imagine how bad I hurt you
• I don't see myself with anybody else
• I can't love somebody the way I love you
• I want to be a part of your life again

I don't really know what to think about everything, its alot to process. It will take her moving a mountain to gain my trust to ever start a friendship again. She is taking counseling to try and get her life back on track as she admits to making poor decision which have cause most all of her relationships to suffer.

I have no idea how to handle this, has anybody gone through anything similar? Is it possible to become friends again or is that line to easy to cross again.

Thanks for everyting

Cold feet, poor decisions etc. are one thing.
Bolting and then no peep for 10 months is well....cold hearted.

Ask yourself this....is she upset that she messed up YOUR life or that she messed up HER life.

I don't think there is any right answer here, actions speak louder than words.
I'd also specifically question her about whom she was seeing romantically the past 10months.

At the first sign of untruth, run and never look back.

[onegreatnurse]

I think what Mathguy is trying to say is that she might have been seeing someone else, and then it didn't work out so I'd be careful as to her motives. Was she seeing someone else when she called it off, and got dumped so she's using you as a fall back? Hope not for your sake. Only you can make this decision. Good luck.

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by onegreatnurse

I think what Mathguy is trying to say is that she might have been seeing someone else, and then it didn't work out so I'd be careful as to her motives. Was she seeing someone else when she called it off, and got dumped so she's using you as a fall back? Hope not for your sake. Only you can make this decision. Good luck.

Yes. Thanks for clarifying.

Basically, the OP needs to get a REALLY good idea about just what went on there before letting her back in his life to potentially trample all over him again. Based upon some of the things he is quoting, I do suspect there is\was another guy.

I view her actions as a character flaw and not "bad decisions"....which is probably why she is in therapy. Just seems like the OP is taking her back without doing a little due diligence and is looking more for support for a decisions he's already made?

[SVTLightning]

I'd definately NOT let her back in my life. This is not a lifetime movie, it's not boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back.

be nice if you want to be, but myself, I wouldn't have given her more than 5 minutes on the phone.