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Old 02-01-2010, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Midwest
10 posts, read 15,613 times
Reputation: 17

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stone_Sculpture_Artist View Post
And women lie all the time and say size does not matter. This is the biggest "trying to make my man feel good and confident" lie ever perpetrated by women. Time and time again, we find the truth hidden within these posts.

So she craves a big one, so what? It's good that she can honestly admit it unlike so many other women. I've seen many a relationship fall apart over size/sex but was covered up with other reasoning.

All the poorly endowed guys needn't worry though, theres a too big side just like theres a too small side. Believe me.
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Old 02-18-2010, 09:17 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,476 times
Reputation: 13
My wife and I have been married 43 years and the last 30 without sex. We are just fine with
our relationship. Not complicated and thats the way its going to stay.
Wife has no desire for se and I'm happy without it. Sex is just something else for a couple
to argue about.
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Old 02-18-2010, 09:33 PM
 
Location: lala land
1,581 posts, read 3,292,366 times
Reputation: 1086
Honestly, I think you should end it. You are being unfair to him. Would you want someone to be with you who had no sexual attraction towards you and who lied to you about it? The relationship you have is more like a friendship. By continuing it you are not allowing yourself to meet someone who you are attracted to, and you're not allowing him to meet someone who is attracted to him.
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Old 02-18-2010, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,417 posts, read 2,175,405 times
Reputation: 1500
Quote:
Originally Posted by akeshabelle View Post
Believe me, I struggle with how selfish my behaviour is every day.

I am so scared to hurt him, scared to have wasted 6 years, scared the only person who is there for me will hate me, scared it will be a terrible mistake, and so selfishly I remain in a relationship with these torturous thoughts running through my head every single day, with a man who cares for me, tells me how much he loves me every day and sees only me, even though we aren't having sex. I just can't seem to gather the strength to come clean.

I am a total coward and I know that, believe me. As far as self hatred goes, you'll be pleased to know I couldn't possibly hate myself more.
Don't beat yourself up. The heart wants what it wants. Since you don't have kids- this is best ended now. I feel bad for your man- but things have a way of ending up for the best.
Relationships are sort of like jobs. Sometimes when a person gets fired it is the best thing that could ever happen. Sometimes it's just not a good "fit".
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Old 02-18-2010, 10:04 PM
 
Location: North America
1,089 posts, read 2,394,827 times
Reputation: 1099
Something is definitely wrong. It's not normal (I don't think it's even possible) to be in love with someone and not develop a sexual attraction to them. So there's got to be more to this story.

Sexual desire is almost always a reflection on the health of other areas of the relationship. Since you say you have desire, just not for him, then there must be something else going on in your relationship that you are very unsatisfied with...whether you're consciously aware of what it is or not.
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Old 02-18-2010, 10:51 PM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,237,828 times
Reputation: 15342
Rule #1 of dating: You have to want to see him naked.

Anything else is friendship.

Be a friend to him, and let him go.
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Old 02-19-2010, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
52 posts, read 137,291 times
Reputation: 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by learningCA View Post
Your posts are too articulate and intelligent for your story to make any sense, things just don't add up.
What nonsense. You think educated, intelligent people don't make mistakes when it comes to their personal and love lives? You think just because someone is articulate it's impossible for them to be damaged?
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:24 PM
 
1 posts, read 572 times
Reputation: 10
Default There's a word for what's happening in your relationship:

And it's "Friendship". I am in a very similar situation and have wondered many times why I have not ended this. The problem is that HE had absolutely no interest in sex. I no longer do, because I have frankly just gotten used to not having it (and I'm older and the libido isn't what it used to be). We are very loving and very closely affectionate with one another. But there just ain't no chemistry... And when it's not there, it's not there. However, what IS there is faithfulness (which I realize makes no sense), kindness, affection, friendship, respect and all the other good stuff you hope for in a relationship. It's very easy to think that this is the best you can expect... Until you meet someone who flips your switch (which recently happened to me). And even though the verdict is out on this new man and whether or not he is the right choice, I have discovered one thing, and that's that I am not dead yet . THAT ALONE has motivated me to move on. I'm not one to cheat, but have come to realize that if someone else is holding my place, no one else can really break in line. I'm not afraid of being alone, but I am hesitant to sink a boat that has held me very gently for the past few years. HOWEVER, I have decided to simply tell the truth. Which is: I love the man I'm with, but I need a sexual relationship and we have both agreed that there is no chemistry between us. So I'm hoping that our relationship can maintain, but under the umbrella of "friends" instead of "girlfriend/boyfriend". THAT's the lie that we've been living and it no longer sits well with me. Just show up for yourself and tell the truth. Do it now or do it later. But at some point, the truth will grab you by the collar and insist on being heard.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:55 PM
 
Location: Homeless
17,717 posts, read 13,459,356 times
Reputation: 11993
This has got to be tough even more tough because the OP has let it go for so long. Sex years is a long time to be with someone & not be attracted to him. She should of let him go once she understood that she wasn't sexually attracted to him. The only real thing to do now is sit him down & tell him the truth it's going to hurt him bad but he needs to hear it.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:59 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,001 posts, read 6,256,758 times
Reputation: 6855
Quote:
Originally Posted by akeshabelle View Post
My boyfriend of 6 years is a really nice guy and my best friend, his family are nice and we have things in common, he cares for me, is committed and prepared to settle down... but there is no sexual attraction whatsoever. I don't know if there ever has been. It was his charm and kindness that won me over.

He believes that I am stressed, tired etc and hopes that my libido will return, while I secretly know that I have sexual desire, just not for him. We have had the "why aren't we having sex" discussion/argument before and every time I have told him it is my problem, I am just not feeling sexual etc. I feel terrible for lying but I can't bring myself to be harsh with him.

I WISH that I could be attracted to him, because apart from that he is the perfect boyfriend. All my family and friends adore him. The worst part is that I have no desire to "fix" our relationship either, because I just feel no attraction for him at all. We are not having sex and I don't care. I should. Even worse, I prefer it this way.

I push myself to have sex because he is a nice guy and I felt obliged to have sex if I wanted to keep the relationship, the only sex I have had in the past 2 years is from the occasional pressured encounter where I felt like I owed him, and I cried because I didn't want to and because it hurt due to me not being turned on in the slightest.

What should I do?? After denying and denying that it's not him, how do I tell him how I feel without completely breaking his heart and shattering him? Even though I don't want to lose him out of my life, this is not fair on either of us and it has to end.

Only serious advice please..
There is only one thing to do.

Break it off, now, before anyone gets even more invested.

The alternative, not breaking it off, means that you will continue in an unfulfilled, unhappy, sexless arrangement for the rest of your life.

I don't know if you deserve better, but from the sounds of things your boyfriend deserves a girl whose toes curl everytime he walks into a room.

You are not that girl. You never will be. It it ain't there, you can't fake it.
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