I don't want sex with my husband...what to do (guys, love)
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How nice. Who are these people who think this is normal? This is sexual abuse and why would anyone tolerate it, even once? I can't imagine doing this to anyone, never have and never would. It is physically and emotionally abusive. Sex is for the satisfaction of both partners. Sorry but one would have to have very low self esteem or psychological problems to tolerate this.
Right
She didn't tolerate it
That's not the point.
I'm trying to fill this person in from personal experience what may be going on
I am so lost, I don't know what to do. I have stopped wanting sex with my husband because he makes no effort to make sure that I am satisfied from it anymore. It's not that he is not capable of it, because he most certainly is. We have discussed this, and he still makes no effort. We both want sex, that is not the problem. But I have become so turned off from his lack of effort for my behalf that it really makes me sick to my stomach to think about "doing it" with him. Literally, I feel like I am being used for sex. I am a very sexual person, and it really hurts me, because I feel like he has taken this desire away from me. What do I do?
Skip the protection and have a couple kids. You might not need the sex as much after all that.
Lol, well we have three kids so that's not a possibility. And although we may not have lots of time for sex, having children has not made me want it any less. Wow, so many people have offered so many views and opinions on here. I have a lot to think about. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a sex counselor. That I will definitely look into. I know he is not being with another woman. Now, now I know people say this but I am really sure. Well, he was laid off so he's home all the time. Never goes anywhere maybe a quick run to the store or to take the kids to school, that's it. No strange phone calls, etc. I am not worried about him cheating anyways. Would I care if he had sex with another woman? At this point, not really as I wouldn't mind finding a different sexual partner myself-but I am only saying this because of the situation I am in. If everything was fine and dandy, then of course I would have a problem with it. And I'm not going to pursue finding another partner for myself because I'm married and trying to resolve the problem within my marriage is so much more important than that. Believe me, we have sat down and really talked about this. I have explained my feelings and reasoning to him. It just doesn't seem to faze him a bit. All in all, I'm thinking that counseling will be the way to go because I feel that I have done everything I could, up to this point.
For how long has this been part of the equation? And prior to being laid off was he also under the impression he WOULD be laid off or could be?
This is important stuff here! Women have NO FRAGGIN' CLUE the degree to which stress impairs a man's performance and desire! I'm not saying this is you, but it has definitely been my experience that women handles stress COMPLETELY differently than men, so yeah, this is a very important factor, quite possibly a telling one!
Any guy who doesn't respect you and your wishes enough to ensure that you have a pleasant sexual experience is not worth your time. I can't imagine how selfish he in other parts of your marriage.
Lose him.
Oh, boo hoo, I lost my job...that doesn't entitle anyone to act like a jerk.
I am so lost, I don't know what to do. I have stopped wanting sex with my husband because he makes no effort to make sure that I am satisfied from it anymore. It's not that he is not capable of it, because he most certainly is. We have discussed this, and he still makes no effort. We both want sex, that is not the problem. But I have become so turned off from his lack of effort for my behalf that it really makes me sick to my stomach to think about "doing it" with him. Literally, I feel like I am being used for sex. I am a very sexual person, and it really hurts me, because I feel like he has taken this desire away from me. What do I do?
In the long run it happens to many relationships. If after awhile of trying your best to improve the situation and it doesn't improve then you need to upgrade models. Esp since you said you are a sexual person. Life is too short.
Any guy who doesn't respect you and your wishes enough to ensure that you have a pleasant sexual experience is not worth your time. I can't imagine how selfish he in other parts of your marriage.
Lose him.
Oh, boo hoo, I lost my job...that doesn't entitle anyone to act like a jerk.
And that may be the singlemost short-sighted, inconsiderate and downright STUPID thing I've seen posted in this thread thusly far.
At first I saw the name "stan4" and thought guy poster, judging at a glance. I didn't read the bad mamma jamma portion in smaller print. THEN I read the post and thought there's no way a guy would write that without looking like a real cold-hearted jerk (I'd use stronger language but it would doubtless be filtered).
If you can make a remark like that, allegedly being an MD and therefore supposedly being aware of the cumulative effects of stress, without even taking the possibility into consideration, then you are sore proof that half the practicing physicians out there were in the lower fifty percent of their graduating class!
Felicite, you are one of many millions of sexually frustrated housewives. When did things start to go downhill? After he was laid off or before? Is he a good husband outside of the bedroom and appreciate you in other ways? There could be any number of reasons he's not putting forth the effort...the lay off, boredom with the same partner/routine after all these years (how long have you been together?), perhaps he's undulging in too much porn?
If you can get to the root of the problem you can figure out where to go from there. I wouldn't hold out on him, that will only make him bitter and resentful and not want to try any harder.
Perhaps you guys can start stepping out of your "routine" and introduce something new to your sex lives...toys, porn, role playing etc. to spice things up.
In most cases I think men just get tired of eating hamburger (or steak) every day and like anything else, sex with the same partner can become routine. You know what it's like when you buy a brand new car, and it's fun to drive and you pamper it for the first few weeks or months, but then after the newness wears off, you start to drive it a little harder, you don't wash it as often, and let the oil changes go for just a few more miles. You still like the car, still need it, but it doesn't give you the same "charge" any longer. Sometimes a fresh paintjob or overhaul might breath life back into your excitement over that car. Have you considered doing some overhauling of yourself...new hairstyle, sexy underwear, beauty make-over etc? Maybe that will spark his interest?
I am so lost, I don't know what to do. I have stopped wanting sex with my husband because he makes no effort to make sure that I am satisfied from it anymore. It's not that he is not capable of it, because he most certainly is. We have discussed this, and he still makes no effort. We both want sex, that is not the problem. But I have become so turned off from his lack of effort for my behalf that it really makes me sick to my stomach to think about "doing it" with him. Literally, I feel like I am being used for sex. I am a very sexual person, and it really hurts me, because I feel like he has taken this desire away from me. What do I do?
Honestly, just get divorced. But read this as well:
Making him wait, or not having sex at all.. This is what usually causes a man to cheat. I am not saying this is acceptable behavior, but it's been proven time and time again if neither men or women get what they want out of a relationship the chances of cheating are much higher and more prevalent as they go outside of the relationship to get it.
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