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If a perfectly capable man is not having sex with you something is wrong? he's either having sex with someone else? masterbating to porn? or really is depressed?
All of which are serious problems... counseling sounds like your best bet. Hope it works out.
I am in the same dilema, but my husband isnt selfish, in his case he seems to not care much about sex. An I love sex. He gets disgusted by sexual stuff while the same things turn me on. We are complete opposites. I dont get turn on anymore by his lack of sexuality. He spent years having sex maybe 2 times a year. It's sick.
OP get him all aroused, get naked, let him think he is going to get a great time....then walk out of the room. Let him sit there and think" what da?" Then walk back into the room, "Ain't so much fun is it?"
I am in the same dilema, but my husband isnt selfish, in his case he seems to not care much about sex. An I love sex. He gets disgusted by sexual stuff while the same things turn me on. We are complete opposites. I dont get turn on anymore by his lack of sexuality. He spent years having sex maybe 2 times a year. It's sick.
If you are certain that your husband otherwise loves you and isn't getting it on the side, then he may have either a phsyical problem or an emotional/inhibition problem. But - getting a man to get help is just about impossible - I know - been there/done that. I had a similar problem and it was tied to emotions and relational problems we were having in our marriage. My problem got "cured", but now unfortunately, my wife has developed some chronic medical and psychiatric problems and a lot of meds, and as a result her sex drive is pretty much gone which is now frustrating for me as it was for my wife in the past. If your relationship is good enough, seems that you could get some answers from him, or at least admit that he has a "problem" (if he is embarassed to be specific) and a promise from him to do something about it.
If you are certain that your husband otherwise loves you and isn't getting it on the side, then he may have either a phsyical problem or an emotional/inhibition problem. But - getting a man to get help is just about impossible - I know - been there/done that. I had a similar problem and it was tied to emotions and relational problems we were having in our marriage. My problem got "cured", but now unfortunately, my wife has developed some chronic medical and psychiatric problems and a lot of meds, and as a result her sex drive is pretty much gone which is now frustrating for me as it was for my wife in the past. If your relationship is good enough, seems that you could get some answers from him, or at least admit that he has a "problem" (if he is embarassed to be specific) and a promise from him to do something about it.
My problem is been since we got married. I marreid a virgin, he has no physical problems. He says he loves me and he doesnt want to loose me. But he treats me more like a trophy wife. I remember once I caught him masturbating and that made me mad. If you are going to do that do it for me at least so I can enjoy. I think he has a lot o taboos. I am not sure.
Me on the other hand I am way too open sexually.
His libido been always extremely low. We dated for six years and he never tried to have sex with me. I know I was a virgin, but I tried to entice him a lot..Nothing work. He said he wanted to wait till married, but he had of sex before he met me. Six years, not once he tried..and I did tried!.
Only once we had sex 5 times a day. The second day we got married. After that it was like an old couple. Pisses me off. I am very sexual.
Do I smell? No. Am I bad in sex.. hell no..Anything goes with me. Do I taste bad, I can say no.. Am I ugly? No...I am a throphy wife..what's the problem then!
My problem is been since we got married. I marreid a virgin, he has no physical problems. He says he loves me and he doesnt want to loose me. But he treats me more like a trophy wife. I remember once I caught him masturbating and that made me mad. If you are going to do that do it for me at least so I can enjoy. I think he has a lot o taboos. I am not sure.
Me on the other hand I am way too open sexually.
His libido been always extremely low. We dated for six years and he never tried to have sex with me. I know I was a virgin, but I tried to entice him a lot..Nothing work. He said he wanted to wait till married, but he had of sex before he met me. Six years, not once he tried..and I did tried!.
Only once we had sex 5 times a day. The second day we got married. After that it was like an old couple. Pisses me off. I am very sexual.
Do I smell? No. Am I bad in sex.. hell no..Anything goes with me. Do I taste bad, I can say no.. Am I ugly? No...I am a throphy wife..what's the problem then!
Your husband has a significant psychological problem with sex . The fact that you caught him masturbating shows that he does indeed have a sex drive and does get enjoyment from it. Sounds like his problem pre-dates you (unlike my situation). Probably taught from parent(s), church, or some other significant adult that sex is "dirty" and/or "sinful" and "wrong"and he's held on to this belief, and despite now being married and free to enjoy sex, he has these serious hangups - it will take a good deal of therapy to work through this problem. Worse yet, he may have had something instilled from his youth that women are "dirty"/"unclean" or something. Certainly you have tried to ask him about this MAJOR problem on many occasions? what does he say? After this long, he can't be saying "I don't have a problem" What does he say? (Don't be defensive - it's not YOUR problem, its HIS, and he needs help or he will soon not have a wife)
p.s. the other possibilities are: homosexuality, or perhaps sexual abuse in childhood.
Your husband has a significant psychological problem with sex . The fact that you caught him masturbating shows that he does indeed have a sex drive and does get enjoyment from it. Sounds like his problem pre-dates you (unlike my situation). Probably taught from parent(s), church, or some other significant adult that sex is "dirty" and/or "sinful" and "wrong"and he's held on to this belief, and despite now being married and free to enjoy sex, he has these serious hangups - it will take a good deal of therapy to work through this problem. Worse yet, he may have had something instilled from his youth that women are "dirty"/"unclean" or something. Certainly you have tried to ask him about this MAJOR problem on many occasions? what does he say? After this long, he can't be saying "I don't have a problem" What does he say? (Don't be defensive - it's not YOUR problem, its HIS, and he needs help or he will soon not have a wife)
p.s. the other possibilities are: homosexuality, or perhaps sexual abuse in childhood.
I thought about the homosexuality but doesnt add up all the time to that.
He is adopted and I wonder if that is at the root of the issue. I have asked him many times but he doesnt seem to think he has a problem. I told him to go to a sex therapist, but he never went. At this point I dont really care to have sex with someone that feels like sex is a bad.
He is a good man, just have that problem. I have met man with far worst personality problems than this, but then again, I do love sex. So it's a problem. Toys don't kiss back..
I thought about the homosexuality but doesnt add up all the time to that.
He is adopted and I wonder if that is at the root of the issue. I have asked him many times but he doesnt seem to think he has a problem. I told him to go to a sex therapist, but he never went. At this point I dont really care to have sex with someone that feels like sex is a bad.
He is a good man, just have that problem. I have met man with far worst personality problems than this, but then again, I do love sex. So it's a problem. Toys don't kiss back..
He needs professional help, or seems your marriage, or at least the fidelilty in your marriage, will end sooner rather than later. I think your husband needs to understand that.
He needs professional help, or seems your marriage, or at least the fidelilty in your marriage, will end sooner rather than later. I think your husband needs to understand that.
I do know this, but I tried, I been married for 20 years and know him for 26. Now that I stop having sex with him after 3 years now he says that i am not the one wanting sex. Well. I rather have no sex than twice a year.
He says that he is better about sex now..I am not interested in trying one time and then what! another year goes by before he wants some?
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as it was for my wife in the past. If your relationship is good enough, seems that you could get some answers from him, or at least admit that he has a "problem" (if he is embarassed to be specific) and a promise from him to do something about it.
