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Hi! I married a woman who was previously married and had two kids. They were in a relationship and/or married for about 6 years. They were divorced about 4 years when we got married. I recently found where she has a stash of all their old love letters to one another hidden in her closet. In the stash were other momentos like movie ticket stubs (from dates I suppose) etc. Also, she has pictures of them together in her sock drawer.
This bothers me. She claims she's keeping the items for her kids, to show them that their daddy at one time loved her. He has since remarried, and he actually ended the relationship with her when he met his now current wife.
This whole ordeal kind of angers me. I feel as though she is holding on to the items because she hasn't quite gotten over him. Why would you show old love letters to your kids? But she refuses to get rid of them, and says its my problem that their existance bothers me.
In my opinion yes, you are out of line. Keeping mementos from the past does not mean she loves you less or is in any way less committed to your relationship.
I keep old love letters and postcards because they are part of my past. They don't get in the way of my relationship now, they are just keepsakes for when I am old and I want to reminisce. They are innocent reminders of what once was.
Hi! I married a woman who was previously married and had two kids. They were in a relationship and/or married for about 6 years. They were divorced about 4 years when we got married. I recently found where she has a stash of all their old love letters to one another hidden in her closet. In the stash were other momentos like movie ticket stubs (from dates I suppose) etc. Also, she has pictures of them together in her sock drawer.
This bothers me. She claims she's keeping the items for her kids, to show them that their daddy at one time loved her. He has since remarried, and he actually ended the relationship with her when he met his now current wife.
This whole ordeal kind of angers me. I feel as though she is holding on to the items because she hasn't quite gotten over him. Why would you show old love letters to your kids? But she refuses to get rid of them, and says its my problem that their existance bothers me.
Am i being out of line?
Sounds like you are insecure in your relationship. She is married to you, the ex is now married to another woman, what are you worried about?
Just because one holds onto mementos from the past, doesn't mean she's living in the past. Marriage is about trust - if you have none, you have no marriage. You should talk to your wife and explain how you feel - but really, I think you may be blowing this way out of proportion.
Since there are children shared between them, I think you may be reacting a tiny bit. Although I'm not sure it is appropriate to show love letters to kids at any age. The photos are a nice keepsake. My parents have been divorced for 27+ years but I still love the two pictures I have of the two of them together. It doesn't sound like she is pining for someone else, as much as she is trying to hang on to a little history for her kids.
I still have old lover letters and photos.
Not anywhere that would make me have to see them everyday, and really I hardly make the effort to look at the pictures let alone letters.
I think having them in the sock drawer is a bit much. But having them is ok.
I have all the love letters my grandfather wrote to my grandmother when he was overseas in WWII. They are absolutely priceless to me. I also have all of their wedding photos and others which I had restored and redid several so that my mother and all my aunts had a few original and some copies each for Christmas one year. I also have their old wedding bands.
My grandfather died when he was 40 and she had remarried, but kept all these things, including his wallet all intact since he died, and I feel so blessed that she did. We all knew there was a box in the hall closet - it was no secret.
I, too, have letters and pressed flowers and things like that which may be all I have in my old age as good momentos of my life. Having them or not having them has no bearing on the person I am with at the present time nor does it mean they are 'holding on to someone else.' They are just pieces of your life story.
I would never throw away old love letters just because it bothered you. Get over it. As long as you aren't finding anything current, whats the problem???
Did you think she began life when she met you? We all have history. Some people like to keep mementos of their personal history. I personally don't but I don't begrudge others for doing so.
Has she not completely gotten over her ex? Probably not. Some of us never get completley over past loves. And maybe we shouldn't. But that doesn't mean she loves you any less or has misgivings about being with you. It isn't that black and white. Life and love are full of gray areas.
It sounds as if you have some trust/insecurity issues to work on. Many of us do. Nothing wrong with that. Just keep in mind that the issue is with you and not her or him.
Btw, what were you doing snooping through her things anyway?
Eh, I'll bite. I think it's weird. The photos for the sake of the kids, sure. Pack 'em up in a box and store them somewhere safe until the kids ask about it. But the love letters? I don't think that's something that needs kept. I don't even want to see the love letters between my parents, and they've been married almost 30 years.
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