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So I've been dating this guy for about a month, he's a fireman, I met him through a guy I used to date who I currently live with who is a retired fireman...I guess you are beginning to get the picture about my situation being a little bit complicated.
First great thing about him is that he's 38 (in my perfect desired age range, 14 years my senior), he's never been married or had any children, and he doesn't care that I live with a guy I used to date. I mean, not in the sense he shrugs it off, but he is not intimidated by my ex (like a lot of guys are) and wants to be with me regardless. I'm so incredibly physically attracted to him it's insane, he keeps his body in great shape and I can't keep my eyes off him. Being that every little thing turns me off, that's incredibly rare for me to find.
He is so romantic, he lives like 70 miles away from me in the Hamptons, and since I don't know how to drive or have a car he'll drive all the way there and back if he needs to see me...we've had such amazing dinners by the water, he took me kayaking for the first time, he does everything to prod me outside of my comfort zone, but he does it in such an adorable way.
I met his mother and older brother (I really wondered why so soon?), his mother is a little old lady who kept nodding at him, commenting on how smart I was as if I wasn't even in the room, and asking me invasive questions...His older brother kept on hugging me and asking his mom if she was "afraid" to hug me. It was a little strange.
The sex is amazing, he always makes sure I get off before he even enters, and I just have an orgasm simply from making out with him.
He's so thoughtful, he remembers everything I say to him about myself, my childhood, and my parents. He remembers all my little quirks and remembers to do things like pick up my favorite brand of veggieburgers to barbecue. I get an "I miss you" every morning and a "I'm thinking of you" every night.
Here's the negative, however:
He drinks. A lot. I mean, I drink a lot, too, but I go out a lot. I probably go out to a bar or nightclub around 4 or 5 times a week. He doesn't go out very much (he says it makes him tired, and that annoys me, because I like going out), but he drinks a lot. Even during the daytime. He'll play softball during the day and get drunk while doing that. I think that's bizarre.
He's bossy. Like, I like a man who directs the flow of things, and I'm generally a submissive type of person, but I hate when someone talks for me, and he does that. Like his friends or someone will ask me a question and he'll answer for me. I am not 4 and I can speak for myself. I did like Minority Report, and I would watch it again. I guess an extension of that is that he is sexually aggressive. He expects, rather than asking...but it's not in an ugly way, he's still charming to me, it's just that he doesn't have that deference.
He inquires about where I am and what I'm doing when I'm not with him too often, and suggests that I shouldn't go out or cancel my plans. I'm 24, I like to go out. I work hard and I play hard. If he thinks I'm going to start staying home on nights I can't get out to the Hamptons, he really is in for a rude awakening.
How concerned should I be about these issues? Should I defer to his judgment or rely on my ex's judgment since he's apparently known him for longer than I have?
He sounds like a good guy but drinking+bossy = dangerous! Drink = drunk = may abuse. Not always but it can happen.
He inquires about where I am and what I'm doing when I'm not with him too often, and suggests that I shouldn't go out or cancel my plans. - This sounds really unhealthy, honestly. I would say be very careful, and I think you should be concern.
His cons are stronger than his pros. Alcoholic and controlling? I'd be running. Being more of a free-spirit, I could never be with controlling man. So early in a relationship? Come on.
He's freaken using you. Been there done that. They like em young and dumb. Sorry to be harsh. And girl stop partying so much and save that money instead for a car.
I think there's a difference between being manipulative and just having a strong personality. I think maybe people are more likely to believe the former rather than the latter, not willing to give the benefit of the doubt, likely because he is older.
I don't feign omniscience, but I wasn't born yesterday and I think I have a good bead on people in general.
I think I have to learn more about him and he has to learn more about me.
And girl stop partying so much and save that money instead for a car.
I don't spend money on partying. I'm very frugal. However, I do find learning how to drive when I'm not in high school any longer a little intimidating.
Sweetheart, he's an abusive drunk. You may love him because he's such a paragon of physical perfection and all, but you need to stay away. He's no damn good for you. Period.
Why do the little things turn you off and the big things don't seem to be that much of a problem?
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I'm very frugal. However, I do find learning how to drive when I'm not in high school any longer a little intimidating.
