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Yeah, I hear you. I am around your age, short, scrawny and I'm not exactly Brad Pitt either, lol. But really don't get too down and out about it, you aren't missing much. Clubbing is a waste of money, and you really have nothing to show for it when you wake up the next morning. You will blow through your money without even realizing it at a bar. Picking up girls at a club isn't a good idea anyway especially if you want something long term. It seems like the players have all the luck, but eventually sleeping around with dozens of chicks will catch up to them, sooner or later they'll get a disease or get falsely accused of something. I've seen the latter happen two times to guys I knew. Its hard for me, because I don't drink or do drugs, and I refuse to be in a relationship with a woman who does; this excludes a lot of potential women in my age group.
It sounds like you want a girl just to hang and do things with, which is a nice change from hanging out with the guys all the time. I can hang out with girls that I know for a day, doing regular things together, without needing a relationship or sex with them, I'm sure you have some female friends you can contact if that's what you're looking for.
Now if you're a virgin, I suggest saving up for a high class escort. I think every virgin male over the age of 21 should do this as a last resort, because tomorrow is never guaranteed.
Best bet is to work on your personality. Unfortunately, you admit it pretty much doesn't exist. You are only 20 though and there are plenty of years ahead that you can develop it. Infact, you are young enough that you are still growing as a person. In your 20s you will fill out with muscle, your acne (if applicable) will disappear hopefully, alot of things change physically and emotionally change.
WOrk on your personality, sense of humor, develop yourself inward and work on your self confidence. Only then you should worry about dating and women. None of those things will come if you don't work on yourself first.
Get in a good, positive habit that even if you don't see yourself as a good looking, confident guy, fake it. The more you fake it, the more easily it becomes, as it will be natural out of habit.
One problem I do read is that you consider all the women that hit on you "ugly". Well that is the wrong attitude. Remember, those ugly women may have some pretty friends....so be friendly to everyone...
I think that you need to start with whatever confidence you have within yourself, and go with that!
Stop looking at yourself as a loser, and maybe that will help with your attitude, all around. I don`t mean to sound harsh when I say that, but I think people have good within themselves, they just can`t see it on the outside. There is more to a person, than what lies on the outside!
I`m sure you are a wonderful person, and you just need to turn it..inside out!
If you're ugly (as you yourself state), why criticise women for being so?
Also, who defines dateable? The idea that success is necessary for dating, well it's a cliche and a platitude. It depends on a given woman's own attitudes/standards. You say you live in a part of town were the median income is high, so this explains why you don't get success with dates. The girls you go after are not seeing you according to their own standards.
Well, (scratches head..) I`m a bit old fashioned here, but I think if you are interested in a girl, she gives you her number, then I don`t see why you would wait a certain amount of time to contact her? In my day, I would be upset if a guy didn`t call me, to show interest soon after getting my number.
What goes for some, doesn`t necessarily mean, it happens for everyone.
Your listening to your "player friends" too much! Do what you feel is right.
You know, reading relationship forums as long as I have, one of the biggest problems I see with dating....especially young people....is that they are always being given conflicting advice. Just as in this case, one person says one thing and another person says another. They've been told that calling to soon shows needy desperation. I always thought it showed interest!! Then there's the debate as to "what is too soon?". I think more people have lost out on more opportunities because of some stupid rules than anything else.
I agree...people should do what they think is right!
To the OP, I fully agree these young girls today don't have their act together. I blame feminism for hookup culture and MTV for the brain rot leading to the Ed Hardy thing you mentioned. The upside is that in 20 years it'll be their daughters you'll be dating and having casual hookups with, so long as you keep in shape and have your act together. Women at that age don't realize what's in store for them until it's too late. And finding one of the rare gems is tough to do. I gave up a long time ago trying to hold out for Miss Right and now just have my fun with Miss Right Now. If I meet the girl of my dreams then so be it, but why limit yourself and not have fun while you wait? Just realize you shouldn't even think about settling down until you're older and preferably with a woman that's around mid 30s. This way you'll be in your 50s probably and if you get married she'll be low risk since most people get divorced within 10 years. That would put her mid 40s herself and her limited options will make her all that more loyal and less likely chuck you for half your net worth. Remember, a man in his mid 30s to early 40s has all the options and gets all the attention women in their early 20s get, while many of the women in those age brackets are often scrambling to even get a date and meet Mr Right while they still have viable eggs left (assuming they don't get a brood of rugrats along the way and are just looking for some chump to take care of them).
Ah Davie, buddy. Don't take this the wrong way or anything. But...have you ever considered thinking of yourself as something OTHER than (to paraphrase you) "an ugly, awkward, desperate, pathetic, loser"?
Come on man! What are you doing?! That's not going to attract any girls! You have to at least think you're a decent guy and I mean YOU, not your car, not your weight, not your job...YOU.
You know, reading relationship forums as long as I have, one of the biggest problems I see with dating....especially young people....is that they are always being given conflicting advice. Just as in this case, one person says one thing and another person says another. They've been told that calling to soon shows needy desperation. I always thought it showed interest!! Then there's the debate as to "what is too soon?". I think more people have lost out on more opportunities because of some stupid rules than anything else.
I agree...people should do what they think is right!
Yep! Again, what works for some, doesn`t always work for everybody! Thats right.
I ask my husbands advice on this one, and he said he would probably wait, and call me the next day. He wouldn`t call like two hours later or something, of course, that would comes across as being desperate!
I seriously don`t understand the "waiting game" myself.
Yeah, I hear you. I am around your age, short, scrawny and I'm not exactly Brad Pitt either, lol. But really don't get too down and out about it, you aren't missing much. Clubbing is a waste of money, and you really have nothing to show for it when you wake up the next morning. You will blow through your money without even realizing it at a bar. Picking up girls at a club isn't a good idea anyway especially if you want something long term. It seems like the players have all the luck, but eventually sleeping around with dozens of chicks will catch up to them, sooner or later they'll get a disease or get falsely accused of something. I've seen the latter happen two times to guys I knew. Its hard for me, because I don't drink or do drugs, and I refuse to be in a relationship with a woman who does; this excludes a lot of potential women in my age group.
It sounds like you want a girl just to hang and do things with, which is a nice change from hanging out with the guys all the time. I can hang out with girls that I know for a day, doing regular things together, without needing a relationship or sex with them, I'm sure you have some female friends you can contact if that's what you're looking for.
Now if you're a virgin, I suggest saving up for a high class escort. I think every virgin male over the age of 21 should do this as a last resort, because tomorrow is never guaranteed.
Definitely not a virgin, but it has been a LONG time since I got any. I do have some girls I can hang with but I need some physical action as well. Dont get me wrong I love my female friends but all they talk about is either how amazing their BF is one day, then the next how much of a jerk he is
All my male friends who have gfs often bail on me for their girls and I often find myself alone on city-data. I cant seem to find a girl who wants like a casual friendship with some "physical activity" on the side
I sympathize with you. I'm a bit older than you but in a similar situation.
Something I've come to realize is confidence is a big factor and saying you're ugly won't do anything for you. Forget about your looks because girls aren't only attracted to a guy for his physique. They are attracted to personality. We're both still young (I'll be 25 in march) and are still figuring ourselves out. Just try and focus on finding good quality friends and build on it. Get a hobby. Travel. Be positive. We have our whole lives ahead of us!
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